I never wanted to be anything particular when I grew up. The only two careers I was ever encouraged to consider were "doctor" and "lawyer". Because money is the absolute highest priority (right?) and those were the only two things he could think of that made "lots of money". Well, I didn't want to do either of those things. So I didn't do anything. I've had a lot of jobs, but no career. And that doesn't bother me.
You see, I've got a loving husband and healthy children. We actually own this house. We finally have our dogs and chickens and a garden that is growing things. And I am having a "now what?" moment. Sure there are small goals. Fit into that skirt. Paint the girls' rooms. Get more yogurt. But there is no...dream. I've just never thought past this point. This point seemed so mystical and unattainable that I never managed to stretch my imagination past "buy a house" and "start our own business".
What do you do after all your dreams have come true?
It's a strange feeling. After so many years of 'someday' and 'hopefully' and 'can we?', it's done. It happened. We did it! We did it.
Maybe the stress-induced shots of adrenaline are like a drug. Not healthy, but hard to live without. Maybe I'm just going through withdrawal. Maybe I'm entering a phase I've never lived before.
I've never just lived.
Maybe that's my new dream. I can dream about a life of community and crafts and ordinary adventures. Of saving our pennies and hoping for the chance to travel. Of really knowing our neighbors. Of finishing those hundred started projects.
Maybe I can learn to take things a little easier and to appreciate my surroundings a little more. To let my kids stay up late and sleep in and eat popcorn for lunch. We do have multi-vitamins, after all.
Maybe my new dream is to learn how to truly enjoy all of my incredible fulfilled dreams.