What goes through people's minds when they spout ridiculous things like that? Does it add something to their existence? Does it make the world a better place? Does it accomplish anything whatsoever? No, no, and yes. What it accomplishes is me writing this and saying to anyone who will listen: please, for the love of all that is holy, do not just say out loud every fool thing that comes into your head. Otherwise someone might rant about your blankety blankness on the interwebs, and we all know how scary and ungood THAT is!
Please be proud of me that not only did I not say something uncharitable to that woman, but I also succeeded in resisting the urge to buy the snazzy vintage rocking chair that I saw at The Salvation Army. I mean, the seat and back were upholstered with turquoise brocade, for the love of Pete. The armrests were carved in a fancy-licious manner. I am planning to dream about that chair tonight, as a matter of fact, but I did NOT purchase it. Which is pretty much miracle #1 that y'all can report to the Vatican once I kick the bucket.
(3)Oh, you mean the miracle has to be because of my intercession? Well dang. I don't think I have any of those yet. BUT, I did once make a miracle submission form as a joke when I was working at a church office several years ago. Because this parishioner came in and literally told me she was there to report a miracle so that Blessed Father Clo-Pot-o'-whiskey could be expedited to sainthood. "I was not trained for this!" is what I thought. "Okay!" is what I said. And then I used my trusty friend Excel to make the form and I giggled the entire time I did it. Can you tell it's one of my most precious memories, that lady and her miracle reporting?
(4)Dang, these quick takes are getting long again. 7 Long Takes Friday is going to be its new name if I don't quit it. Anyway, because I am an old, old lady who is aged and old and probably crusty, our ten year college reunion is this year. UGH! I wanna go so badly! Watch this silly video to see why. I mean seriously....a renewal of vows for couples who met at UD? Followed by brunch? The sweetness of that idea is practically giving me a toothache. Have I said ugh yet? Okay... BLERGH! then.
Hey, in the spirit of this ridiculous stream of consciousness post, let me hop over to the subject of poultry and announce that our 20 week old chickens finally started laying eggs this week. Whut whut! four eggs on day 1, one egg on day 2, zero eggs on day 3, and two eggs on day 4. I know none of you actually paid attention to all those numbers I just said, did you? I could have said "eighty eggs on day eleventy thirteen" and you wouldn't have even noticed. You know it's true! Don't lie!
(6)When I started writing this post yesterday (well, today really. But when you read this it will be yesterday. Because yes, I can travel through time.), I wasn't sure what my 7 takes would be. You know, because I so often have trouble coming up with something to say. So I polled my peeps in social media land and thought I'd get seven nice questions to answer and those could be my quick takes. Pretty genius, right? Wrong. Because my friends and family are ridonkculous (like ridiculous, but with extra donk).
"Why do farts stink?"
"What color is water?"
"What color underwear am I wearing on Friday?"
"What is the circumference of the sun?"
"Why is grass green and the sky blue?"
"What would happen if the sky is green and the grass is blue?"
"Is it true that snowflake are never identical? That they are one of a kind...no two are alike?"
"Am I or am I not holding in a fart right now?"
"What happened to the donkey guy?????"
The only real question was from my friend Mary Kate who asked me to share my earliest happy childhood memory , which I would happily answer if only this post had not already gotten WAY OUT OF HAND and it's already almost 2013, I'm sure of it.
And in conclusion (that is how real writers end their pieces, right? Pretty sure I read that somewhere.), so that you might begin your weekend with glee and squeals, please observe this video of the incredible new game I invented with my soon-to-be four year old son, a little game I like to call "Reappearing Statue", filmed by the child in question. Yes, soon I will be rich. I can feel it in my aged old crusty lady bones!