Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I don't believe in Too Hard (history, volume 1)

Back on January 18th of this year, when I wrote my second post ever on this blog, I said this:

It's not all that overwhelming for me, apparently, to imagine moving and renovating and having four kids simultaneously, but knowing where to start with all of....this, the story-telling business, has got me in a little bit of a tizzy. I mean "I was born in Los Angeles...." might be a little too far back, but eventually I'll probably have to go there for you to fully appreciate the intricacies of my neuroses.

Well, eventually is today, my friends.  It came sooner than I thought.


As promised yesterday, I'm here to start the history behind the history.  And the best I can come up with is...

I was born in Los Angeles.

I was born in Los Angeles at Cedars-Sinai hospital.

I was born in Los Angeles at Cedars-Sinai hospital to a 17 year old girl.

I don't remember the day I was born or the hundreds of days that came after, so I can't tell you those stories. I can't assume I know what went on in my parents' lives or their hearts. What challenges they faced, what joys they felt, and whether or not they ever regretted anything they said or did.  So I won't talk about that.  I can't.  They are real people with real lives and only they can tell their stories.

I can only tell mine.

My parents were Hare Krishnas.  If they didn't name me Dwija, if I had been a boy, the plan was to name me Nrsimhadeva.  So, yes, being born a girl is the first thing I was ever grateful for, thank you for asking.  They were also married, my parents were.  And they loved each other.

I weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces on the day I was born and my mother had a natural, unmedicated delivery.  Did I mention she was 17?


So when people talk about others being too young or too hard or too soon or too poor...when they talk about what's a good idea and what isn't, as if their judgement is infallible, as if one person can judge what's good or best for another, I think of a newborn me in a hospital in Los Angeles.  With a mother who was too young, parents who were too poor, who had me too soon, but who didn't think I was a bad idea and never uttered the words "too hard".

I don't believe in too hard.


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49 comments :

  1. LOVE IT!!!! MORE MORE MORE and I will be removing too hard from my vocab.. thanks to you... and your parents :)

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  2. I love this. I love that you started at the beginning. And it's a good beginning.

    Can you tell I can't wait for the next installment?

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  3. :) I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing. Love your perspective and take on life. inspirational :)

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  4. That's beautiful and profound. Your love for your parents and who you are comes through loud and clear. Hugs.

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  5. I LOVE this! I had my son when I was 18. I heard all about being too young, too poor, too hard, etc. But you know what? Without him my life wouldn't be this. He's my heart. I don't believe in too hard. I believe in love.

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  6. Is that YOU!??? You are such a total CUTIE!!!

    I was born to parents too young and too poor, too. But they weren't Hare Krishnas... those guys lived down the street on Stuart, I think.

    I cannot wait to hear more of the story. I am absotively hooked.

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  7. I love memoirs! And I especially love yours. Thanks for sharing. I haven't gotten to the point of wanting to share my beginnnings. Of course I don't have a bazillion people clamoring for me to begin installments either!!

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  8. It won't be easy to share the whole story, walking the fine line between truth and kindness. Honestly I had no idea what I was going to write for this first one, so I'm just thankful that the words agreed to come together for me. Thank you all for reading! Tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly scheduled apple-picking-dogs-chasing-chickens programming :)

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  9. Two words. Too short! Next Wednesday is going to take forever to get here :) I totally understand that fine line between truth and kindness. And it has stopped me from posting super personal things a million times.

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  10. I'm so happy that you're moving forward with your story. You have such a compelling story to tell and your voice is powerful when you write about your childhood.
    Keep going and try to let go of your fear. The curse of the memoirist is allowing the fear that we'll hurt the ones we love(d) to interfere with our stories. You can do it, Dwija. Your intro already lays the foundation and lets the reader know that this is YOUR story and not that of your parents. Amazing job. Keep going!! HUGS!~

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  11. That's it? I WANT MORE! This is fascinating!

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  12. Thank you, Kelli. Your encouragement means SO MUCH to me. I have to take it slow, you know? I mean yes, YOU know. If I push for too much too fast, the emotions of now will color the emotions of then. I need to stay in one time. One time at a time.

    @Ada- soon! :)

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  13. What a fine beginning. An that picuture... cuter than cute! I can't wait for the next installment. Yet another reason why I can't swear off reading blogs even though the little voice keeps whispering that I should. I'd miss all the good stories!

    Yes, there are many stories I've left unpublished in my blog's folders because I realized after I wrote them that they had the potential to hurt.

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  14. I, too, love that you started at the very beginning. That last paragraph really got to me. I am a young mother and wife and have fought the too young, too poor, too soon thoughts but thankfully our families haven't said it and been very supportive.
    I'm really looking forward to next Wednesday! You are a wonderful writer!

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  15. Great start Dwija! Love it! Can't wait for next Wednesday. And I'm also glad you were born a girl. Nrsimhadeva is a mouthful.

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  16. What an amazing post!

    I think too many people generalize. Being a teen mom had to be hard. Even with being married.

    But, your family made it work.

    There are parents who have their kids much later and can't!

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  17. Well, I don't want to give away the end of the story...but we all know that I'm here and kicking, so it can't be all bad! ;)

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  18. Wow, your mom sounds like a warrior! Great lesson, I think we all need that reminder.

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  19. Thank you for this Dwija. I wish I could write my story, but my parents read my blog ;)

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  20. My parents read my blog too....hence the challenge in walking that fine line ;)

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  21. CONGRATULATIONS! You won the Blog on Fire Award! The button is on my blog. :o)

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  22. Wow! Imagine learning to spell that name as a kiddo! Haha! Glad you're a Dwija too! Much easier for me to remember! Um... and pronounce. ;)

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  23. I was up very early this morning, working on my book, after a long hiatus. As I worked on one chapter, about my own beginnings, frustration set in and I closed down the file.

    Then...I hopped over here to visit you and got my inspiration back.

    Please, Dweej! May we have another, and another?

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  24. Nothing is too hard with God leading you! I survived being born to a 17 YO, being molested, be adopted, date rape, abortion, healing from my abortion, near death in my last pregnancy, 4 babies, 1 husband and I know there is more to come! I relish the challenges that I will face knowing that I am not alone!

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  25. Parenting at any age can be hard. There is so much to learn about being a mom and taking care of child that being older when your a mom doesn't teach you.

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  26. I love this post!! Your writing is beautiful too. I hope we get to hear more about your parents. :)

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  27. What a beautiful post and story! I don't believe in "too hard" either. I believe that with the right attitude, we can get through anything.

    I look forward to learning more about you and your family.

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  28. I love this! We can never judge other people's situations whether it's too soon or too young. When babies are concerned I always think it's worth it!

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  29. My dad reads my blog too, which is why I would never write a post like you just did. But it was beautiful and I love the way you did it! And I will wait to read chapter 2, should you choose to write it. If it's too emotional, too personal you should still write it, if only for you. I've found a lot of therapy in the writing and I've saved a lot of money in therapy I think. And the wine, I've found a lot of therapy in the wine....

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  30. I love that you just wrote this! So true - people should not give their opinions - I'm so glad you put things into prespective. don't Judge others. ;) Can't wait to hear more!

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  31. Whoa, you had me at Hare Krishnas...actually you had me before that, but WOW!! I can't wait to hear more!! I don't believe in "too hard" either :)

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  32. What a fabulous beginning! Quite right that we shouldn't assume we know about a situation just from a snippet of it. People would surely judge that scenario, but look how it turned out! With lovely you.

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  33. @marie- The therapy that this blog offers is worth a thousand psychoanalysts!

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  34. Aha. NOW I know why you liked my comment about Adele so much. Thank you for sharing these stories.

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  35. What a great post, I look forward to reading more! Of course, you do know it makes the rest of us seem DULL, right? Have you ever heard Christian comedian Tim Hawkins? He has a bit about listening to someone "witness" and feeling boring: "Gee, I wish I was a crack addict!"

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  36. I love it. Thanks for stoping by my blog. Funny... I think we were channeling the same thing this morning. Great post. You are right... there is nothing too hard. Can't wait to read more.
    Kristen @ www.alittlesomethingforme.com

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  37. @gail- I have not heard Tim Hawkins, but that quote made me laugh out loud!

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  38. Wow. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child at 17 or even to be married at that age. Definitely changes your opinion of too hard.

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  39. a boy. Wow. I cannot wait to read more. Yeah good thing you weren't a boy. I can't even pronounce that name!

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  40. I'm on the edge of my seat so excited for this story to unfold.
    Also, I haven't a clue where to begin pronouncing that boy name and I pride myself on being able to say every complicated dinosaur name in the books I read to Anders.

    That is quite a name.

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  41. Awesome message! I think I'm really going to like this story...

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  42. Catching up. I love this already. On to part 2.

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  43. Already loved your blog!


    I'll keep reading, just so you know.. :)



    mustbeliberating.blogspot.com

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  44. Wow Dwija...you are very brave. I also loved it and can't wait to keep reading more.

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  45. Doesn't mean you can't wait until you feel the time is right for you though. If you can wait, I think it's always best to be sure, no?

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