I know you feel only joy. You have no troubles and no pain. Because that's what heaven is all about.
I hope you're together. I know you're together. And even though I know my goal in life is to get my babies to heaven, it still makes me sad that you three are there, and these four are here and they don't know you. They won't, can't, know you until they're in heaven too.
Is it wrong that that's what fuels me? What fuels me to help my children here on earth to be the best people they were meant to be, to teach them what they need to know for eternity, to accept nothing less than the goodness that will help get them to heaven is that there are brothers or sisters up there waiting for them. Is that wrong? I feel like it should be because of my own personal love of God.
But maybe that's why God gave you to us for such a short time and then called you home. Because He knows our weaknesses but wants us all with Him anyway. Maybe He wants me to want to do the right thing and be the kind of person that says "I want nothing more than to be with you, Lord" but He knows that I'm not strong enough to be that kind of person without my own children waiting for me there, calling to me.
Our earthly time is short, even if we have long earthly lives. Eternity is...forever. I hope you look down and see a person you want to spend eternity with. I wonder if it hurts you to know that your siblings don't know about you yet. Should I tell them? They're so young. I don't know if they can understand.
But maybe if they knew about you, it would fuel them too. Because sometimes when you're imperfect and sinful, it's hard to want to know God enough to always do the right thing. But wanting to know your own flesh and blood? Knowing you have a little sister or brother that you've never met just waiting to welcome in the embrace of eternal Love? Well, that just might be enough.
It's hard to know what to do. And I'm so sorry that I can go weeks without thinking of you. I know other mothers, better mothers, who would know the exact dates that she lost each one of you. Who would have named you. But I tucked you into the folds of my heart and moved on, and I'm sorry for that.
I'm humbled that the Lord saw fit to make me the mother of three saints. Please help me to live up to that distinction. Pray for me that I do and say what's right. That I treat your brothers and sisters here on earth, both physical and spiritual, with the respect and kindness and holy love that they deserve.
Please pray for me that I can become the kind of mother that you deserve.