Thursday, January 26, 2012

This is When it's Worth It

My kids fight.  They argue and whine and plan ways to instigate fights with each other.  It's that intentional sometimes, it really is.  I can see it brewing in their eyes and I can read it on their faces and sometimes I nip it in the bud, but other times I wait.  I wait and hope that I'm wrong.  That I've "lost my touch" and really everything is as it should be.

But I'm never wrong.  About those things at least.

One of the many blessings/curses of motherhood, if we allow ourselves to trust our intuition, is that we know when our children are about to make bad choices.  And then, knowing full well that things are going to end poorly, we have to let them do it anyway.  Because while it is certainly our job to teach and guide them, to praise and to reprimand, to know when to let them hold back and to know when to push them forward, it is definitely not our job to make all their decisions for them.

Oh yes, it would be easier that way.  So very much easier.  But would it be better?  I think not.  The lessons they learn through personal struggles, the ones that aren't detrimental to their health and well-being, the kinds we know they're about to have but we allow anyway, are ones that help them grow into the types of adults that can make this world great.

Sometimes it seems like it's all struggle.  That it's all bickering and finger pointing, negotiating and disagreements, until you start to ask yourself if you shouldn't just separate them forever and never let them speak to each other again.

And then something lovely like this happens, and you know God is showing you the fruits of your labor....







So today, I am thankful.
Simple BPM

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36 comments :

  1. That second to last picture is adorable!!
    Wonderful food for thought today, thanks ;)

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  2. Aw, Dwija you made me cry in public. I shouldn't check your blog in a coffee shop without tissues at hand. Your girls are so cool.

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  3. So hard to do -- step back and let them do the wrong thing -- but oh so worth it! What an awesome partnership :)

    I'll keep this thought with me throughout the day as I watch my two girls bicker and play. The lessons have to bear fruit one day!

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  4. Dwij - I wholeheartedly agree! Recently I've been thinking about how it is absolutely necessary to screw up to be eventually successful. I could NEVER have figured out how to live my life the way is perfect for me had I not tried it SEVERAL times and FAILED. failing is SO IMPORTANT. I know people who have been sheltered their whole lives and who cannot figure out how to be an adult. Because an adult is made from a series of really heartbreaking failures that teach us lessons.

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  5. It warms my heart to see how much my kids love each other - and it is obvious your kids love each other as well! It is a sign of excellent parenting!

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  6. I needed the words in your post. Such wisdom.

    But am I really the first one to say anything about the pictures???? Two little girls built THAT?!? BY THEMSELVES?!?!? That is truly amazing. What a blessing to your daughters that you've given them the space, the time, the courage, the confidence, and the tools to do real work on their own.

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    1. The photographer did help them when he wasn't taking photographs, so it wasn't entirely alone. But they did do, and LEARN, a lot. A beautiful project all around :)

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    2. Still incredible, and still a wonderful thing to teach a little girl. :)

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  7. My siblings and I fought so much, my mom swore we were going to kill each other. But we made it to adulthood and we are all such great friends now!! That gives me such hope while raising my own squabbly children :)

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  8. Gosh I hope that this is a glimpse into my girls' future. So beautiful!

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    1. I'm sure it is, Ana. These real people with real ideas and aspirations and abilities seem to spring from nowhere all of a sudden. It's magical!

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  9. Awesome pictures. I hope my kids can develop a good relationship with each other like that!

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  10. You offer up so much wisdom here, Dwija! Mine are still very little, so we are only just now approaching the fringes of territory where we are releasing them to observe and make their own choices without us hovering just there at their shoulders. I weigh and wonder and fret about how to go about this very huge, important aspect of parenting, but you discuss it so deftly and clearly in this post: it's hard, but the rewards come -- in bits now, and surely more later.

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  11. beautiful. I can't wait for my kids to get to that point! I will cherish what I have right now though.

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  12. Oh, you are so right it so VERY hard to let them make mistakes to watch them struggle, but as your lovely photos prove the rewards are WELL worth it.

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  13. And you have eyes to see, which is another thing for which to be thankful -- that you could see it amid all the mess and amid all the bickering, the beautiful, springing up and blossoming. Lovely, friend!

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  14. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing, both the story, and the pictures. Love it!

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  15. Your girls are sweet. Mine squabble quite a bit, still, though my middle daughter and oldest are best friends. I hope that happens for my youngest, too someday!

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  16. Let 'em fight it out, that's what I say! Tried so hard to let my two have their space to know each other, wrestle with each other and stay out of the middle...at 24 and 21 they are the best of friends...he was her 'maid' of honor, standing right next to her on her side, when she got married in Oct. The hurts, stumbles, struggles and pains only get deeper as they grow - and harder to watch from "afar", as I'm sure you realize...but they do learn to get up and push through...Those pics of the two of them arm in arm are priceless!!

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  17. First, I have been gone too long. I had not seen your new portrait which is simply beee-you-tee-full!

    Second the wisdom in this piece is great. So great. Though I was picking up an intellectual vibe from the portrait so I was not surprised by this.

    This truly was a good bit of mothering here. And the pics were the icing on the cake.

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  18. "sometimes I nip it in the bud, but other times I wait."

    I do the same. Some days I wonder if this is the right thing to do, and then they surprise me. This resonated so deeply within me. It is so very important to remember that we are raising children, but to also realize every single day that we are raising adults, too. Thank you for sharing your insight. And those pictures are so very heart warming.

    Alita

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  19. Oh my goodness, what an awesome post! Those pictures of them sitting together enjoying each other and the fruits of their combined efforts? Just hit me right in the heart! Navigating how far to push and when to let go is so incredibly, incredibly hard, and requires such strength. You're doing an amazing job at it.

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  20. Super cute! Playhouses are the best when you're little. Too cute! Glad they got to do this. Hope you have been doing great, Dweej! And feeling great too. I've been a little MIA, but it is always good coming back here and catching up on things ;)

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  21. Love, love, LOVE this. I'm already seeing glimpses of both sides with my girls, so I REALLY loved reading this.

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  22. Your girls are so awesome. But I expect you know that already. :)

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  23. I can't believe they made that. I'm so impressed!

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  24. I love this: we know when our children are about to make bad choices

    It's so true, and so hard to watch isn't it? A favorite quote that hung in my college dorm was "friends who argue sharpen each other reasoning stones". I love that and we kind of hold that to be the case with our kids. Leaving them to solve and figure out their own fights.

    I love the pictures!

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    1. Wow, love that quote, Melissa! Definitely makes me feel better about being a little argumentative with my friends and family some days ;)

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  25. OMG, the arms around each other. Made my heart squeeze.

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  26. Awwww. My two oldest girls were singing "Sisters" from White Christmas in the back of the van the other day. In between hitting each other and bickering, of course. :)

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