INSIDE MY HOUSE.
You guys don't know how badly I wish this was leading up to some lame joke or some story about a thing that happened a looooooooong time ago. But it isn't and it's not.
This morning, while my darling midwife was here being her darling, soft spoken self, Paul came running into the living room from the den.
"There's a snake in here!"
At first I thought it was part of a game, then I saw something that I thought for sure had to be a wire or a toy or a FIGMENT OF MY FREAKING IMAGINATION.
Oh, but it wasn't. It totally was not.
It was up...somehow...near the ceiling behind a bookshelf, near or in the doorway. So hard to explain. I'd draw a picture but, well, you know. And then it fell from said gravity-defying height, plop right onto the carpet. And it looked like this:
Squeeling! Shrieking! People climbing onto tables!
And even the kids freaked out a little!
He slithered behind a (mercifully) empty trashcan, and my darling midwife, who is a darling and totally my hero and I love her, turned the trashcan over on top of him.
I decided I needed to call Tommy (of course. Just like with the mouse incident. Which apparently was also on a Friday. Why are critters trying to ruin Fridays for me?) but Linda (the midwife) told me to just get her a cookie sheet with no sides on it.
So I called Tommy anyway.
Do you know that he had the audacity to laugh? He laughed! WE COULD HAVE DIED.
Then I got the cookie sheet, and she slid it under the trash can, and then she took the whole contraption outside. I had the terribly challenging task of opening the door for her, by the way, which was terribly challenging and I don't know if I've quite recovered yet.
And all the questions you're asking are the exact ones I'm asking and I have no answers and pretty much I need to go stay in a hotel or something until this situation is remedied to my satisfaction. Meaning, of course, that someone bulldozes our house and builds me a brand new one. Yep, that's the only solution. Blech!
p.s. At the end of the day, I'm closing comments on the birthday poll. So git yer guesses in! Click here to see a picture of the necklace and click here to go straight to the guessin' zone. Good luck!