Monday, July 09, 2012

The One with the Electrocuted Badger



My hair, oh my goodness. It seriously looks like an electrocuted badger has been fastened to my head, but a real haircut would cost me a minimum of $25+tip, at least an hour of my time, and a 17 mile drive each way to the place with the $25 haircut that's worth getting.

Yeah, hi.  I have 5 kids and only one car.  Nice to meet you.
not waves- dreadlocks, folks

Meaning, of course, that I have been all set to hack my very own hair off using my very own untrained hands (hello?  That's why God created YouTube tutorials, isn't it?), but keep stopping myself due to the fact that there is an infant attached to my chest and I've had very limited mobility and would hate to do something (else) that would make me cry.  Anyway.  So what's an electrocuted-badger-head to do when hubby takes 80% of the children away from the house for two hours?

At home deep conditioning treatment, of course!

"This is gonna be great.  Super affordable and it'll work really well and I'll be like one of those girls on those Pantene commercials.  Eva Mendez better watch out, yo!"

So I googled it and saw some recipe that called for mayonnaise, eggs, and olive oil.  Well, I had no mayo.  But do you KNOW what mayo is made out of? Eggs & olive oil.  Nice try, makers of mayonnaise.

Et Voila!

Note: if you are a postpartum nursing woman, this may or may not (WILL) look like something that's about to be delicious.  And your tummy may grumble.  Consider yourself warned.



Slap it on your head and cover it with a shower cap plastic wrap...(Meow!  It's gettin' hot in here!)

Then wrap the whole shebang in a towel for the ultimate in stylish stylishness:

Let it cook on your soon-to-be luscious locks for at least 30 minutes, then wash and condition as usual.  When your hair dries it'll look.....

...exactly as terrible as it did when you started. Just look! Clearly taken after the shower, what with the new, clean shirt on and all. But the hair. The hair is still a total wreck!  Cheap at-home conditioning treatment fail, folks.  FAIL.

The bright side is that you'll probably have some eggs and olive oil still left in the bowl, and you can scramble them and eat away your sorrows.
yum
Has anyone ever successfully deep conditioned their hair with food?  A clever reader suggested using honey in my recipe, but dude....have you seen how expensive honey is?  And how long my dreadlocks are? I would probably need at least $25 worth of honey just to coat these nasty tresses, so I'm thinking that recipe is out.  Or am I wrong?

What am I missing?  Help!

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54 comments :

  1. I guess I'm no help, because I actually think your hair looks beautiful. And yes, really, I mean that. I think your hormones are telling you lies.

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    1. But if you could TOUCH it...you would recoil, I promise you. One cannot run fingers through it, what to speak of a comb. It is a sad state of affairs, truly!

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  2. I think your hair looks gorgeous as well. The wispy look is in! You look beautiful.

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    1. But the tangles! And the sticky strawness! And the fro-ing!

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  3. Forget that, you can successfully deep condition your own hair by not washing at all for a couple weeks! Just brush every day to make sure all the oil gets through all your hair!

    I am sort of tongue in cheeks, on the other hand, I may have experience with this first hand.........

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    1. Hypothetically I may think this is a fabulous plan... ;)

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  4. I've been reading your blog for a while. Love it. I've never commented before, though. That said, I've heard apple cider vinegar can work wonders on hair. One of my friends uses it in conjunction with a loose baking soda paste as "shampoo" and the acv for "conditioner". I think she said it took a couple of weeks for her hair to adjust but then it was supermodel shiny. :)
    As previous poster said though, I don't think it looks as bad as you think it looks.

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    1. I did that for a few weeks and def noticed a difference! Look up "no-poo" shampoo methods :-)

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    2. I also condition my hair with apple cider vinegar. It adjusts the pH of your hair and smooths the cuticle. But don't pour the whole bottle on, mix a little bit with some water(like a 1:4 or 1:8 dilution- what works varies from person to person, but it doesn't take much) Mix it in a squirt bottle, like a repurposed mustard container or a clean peri-bottle, and pour it on your just-washed locks. Some recommend NOT getting it on the scalp, and definitely don't let it get in or near your eyes. Let it sit a while..... then rinse and you're done! You WILL smell like ACV, at least until your hair dries. I don't mind it, but some do. I love that it's cheap, easy and no chemicaleyness. Oh, and your hair looks awesome. Now my hair and a blowdrier...that's bad. And I'm 4 mo postpartum, with a couple of handfuls of hair coming out each day. I think I'm going to be pony-tail girl for the next few months at least.

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  5. Vinegar really does make your hair feel soft and silky. Just rinse with vinegar after you rinse all your shampoo out. Also I have heard that coconut oil works wonders on hair, I can hook you up with some... when I am no longer hacking and coughing and contagious. :/

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  6. jellybean parrishJuly 9, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    Post partum hair sucks lemons. Anyway my mom used to use just the olive oil(heated/ plastic wrap/ towel/ overnight(ew)) so thats what I do as well and it does seem to help. Take your vitamins and wait out those hormones. Your baby thinks you're gorgeous!

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  7. And, seriously, Dweej? The red shirt is SO drawn on! Your hair is gorgeous - so long and lush. Brush it 50 times a day, stop washing it for a couple of days, take some Vitamin E, and drink lots of water. You were dehydrated and your hair was too!

    And put some salsa on those eggs!

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    Replies
    1. Ditto, ...what up paint-shop girl? :P lol But yeh, hair is NOT what you make it out to be. That being said, I remember those days :) Heck, I"m back at them in yucky post-hysterectomy hormone-less weird aging hair sigh.

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  8. Ok, I about peed myself after you did the big reveal. Your hair doesn't look horrible, but those at home things can be a bit of a let down. You know what does work though? The next time you're at the good old grocery store, grab one of those little boxes of hot oil treatments. Not expensive...if I"m remembering correctly, and will make you feel pretty rad. I think VO5 makes one.

    My hair is in a much sadder state, so take heart!

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  9. I agree that your hair looks lovely. I would kill for long, thick hair. Instead, I have fine, thin hair that has to stay short. But I digress. There is all SORTS of info on the internet about going shampoo-free and how to do it. Supposed to be awesome for your hair. I've never been brave enough to try it because of the whole "first week you are really greasy" stage, and the fact that I can't hide in my house for that entire week.

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  10. If you have access to a Walgreens, they sell Cocoa Care 100% cocoa butter sticks. They are yellow. They are 99 cents. They are by the lotions in the store. Get one of those babies and melt a hunk of it in whatever manner you like, and apply to damp hair while it's still warm. Let sit for a spell, then shampoo/condition as usual. IT WORKS. I do this about once a month or so and it's the bomb. Also, the remainder of the cocoa butter stick is great for a variety of things like scrapes and chapped lips. You can't go wrong with this stuff! And it's 99 cents!!!!

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  11. Your hair looks fine! I think it does look better in the after pic! I know desperate times call for desperate measures, but plz do NOT cut your own hair!! Maybe look on youtube for hair style tutorials instead!!

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    Replies
    1. Next time, I will use more exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. Also, next time I won't read the blog on my phone before my morning cup of coffee. You totally fooled me with the after pic. I'm lame. LOL!! The badger hair does look better with red next to it though... ;)

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  12. I went shampoo free awhile ago because I started to have allergic reactions to every single shampoo and conditioner I tried. Now I've switched to using baking soda paste rubbed into my scalp as shampoo and then rinse with white vinegar. I do it about once a week. And it is so true: my hair is super soft and shiny.

    You don't need a whole lot of baking soda, just enough to cover your scalp. Massage it all over your scalp, you don't rub it into the hair itself. Let it sit for a couple of minutes and then rinse thoroughly before you apply the vinegar. I usually put my vinegar into a cup and then just dip the ends of my hair into the cup and soak for a few minutes and finish by pouring the vinegar over all of my hair and letting that sit for another couple of minutes. Then rinse thoroughly.

    As for the once a week thing... don't go cold turkey or it will be greasy. Instead, ease into it. I started with washing my hair every other day. Then when my head got used to that, I went to every third day. Eventually it was every fourth day. Then every fifth day and so on. That way you only have one day of the week when you feel super greasy instead of having to endure it for a whole week. (And yes, I have continue to shower every day. It's just that I only wash my hair once a week.)

    The one thing I find disconcerting about the vinegar rinse is it doesn't feel super soft in the shower like conditioner does. It still feels kind of stiff while you hair is wet. But after your hair is dry, it feels super soft and shiny and easy to brush.

    On the whole I love this so much better and it is way cheaper.

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    Replies
    1. Well, it sounds like I'll be doing another make-at-home experiment in the near future. This is a glowing recommendation!

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    2. Go for it! I'd give it a few tries, though. This is the kind of thing it might take your hair a while to get used to.

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  13. I had the same issue until I switched to a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. That way I never skipped conditioning. Since I use anti-dandruff shampoo, I let it all sit on my head while I soap up the rest of me and rinse right at the end. Seems to work the best for me. I agree though, your hair looks nice in the pictures. I do love the build-up for the fail ending--hilarious.

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  14. My girlfriends and I used to make hair 'treatments' out of beer and oatmeal in high school. In retrospect, I think it was actually an excuse to sneak sips of my Dad's Coors Lights while we dumped cans over each other's heads in the backyard.

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    1. Also, white vinegar and baking soda, as indicated above, is truly incredible... If you can stomach the hippie stank of the first couple weeks.

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    2. Hippie stank! Hah! Luckily I'm sportin' Eu de Postpartum, so this might be a great time to try it...

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  15. I only have one kid, and I have a car. But getting a haircut and justifying the $25 + tip kills me. So I, too, have hair like that. At least yours doesn't look like it has gray highlights, like mine does. At 36. Sigh.

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  16. It looks great! My problem after baby numero 5 was not dry hair but NO hair! So count your blessings :)

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  17. When I had really long hair (like I could almost sit on it) I used to use avocado (just mash it up) and leave it in for 30 minutes. Also, the day before I would rinse my hair with 1/2 water, 1/2 white vinegar solution to strip away all the build up from regular shampoo & conditioner that way the avocado would really soak in. I recommend not using the vinegar more than 1 a week or your hair will start to fall out. And us post partum ladies already have enough of that problem! Your scalp produces oil naturally and the vinegar is striping that away. At first, your scalp will produce more oil to compensate if you use it too much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the suggestions I've read about using vinegar rinses suggest keeping the vinegar off your scalp and using it just on the ends. I guess that's why.
      And, yeah, I never do the vinegar baking soda treatments more than once a week so I have no idea about what greater frequency might do.

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  18. I too, am postpartum with awful hair. It's starting to fall out now. What the heck is that about?? Alright I know this isn't homemade but it isn't terribly expensive and you can get it at Target... the Organix brand Moroccan Argan Oil. I used it this morning and it seems to have helped quite a lot (although not with the losing hair thing. Seriously what the heck?!?).

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    1. Holy cow, I hear ya. I lose so much hair a few weeks after every baby that I swear I'm going bald. It's insane!

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  19. aww... is there anyone in your church who cuts hair? I can't spend $25 on a haircut either - I go to the local cosmetology school and get one for $5. Is there one near you?

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    1. Yeh, I try not to go over $10-15 here, and that's only one to two times a year :P yeh, my dead ends and pony-tail breaks/splits need much more care than that, but eh...it's sooo low on the totem pole LOL

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  20. Yes, expensive initially, think of all the future money you'd save. It's good for, and I quote, "the entire family," which includes you! http://www.amazon.com/Flowbee-Hair-Cutter/dp/B000FFQ8DI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341863184&sr=8-1&keywords=flowbee

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    Replies
    1. flowbee blah, blah, blah...

      I totally just beat you on Words with Friends!

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    2. I left a dangling TW for you...I'm dead if you have an "S" or "ING" or "ED," but I had little other options.

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  21. i use my regular conditioner for deep conditioning. Just apply it extremely think and put the showercap on for 2hr and then rinse.

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  22. Coconut oil with just a teensy bit of honey. Paint in on your hair, wrap in plastic wrap and let sit for 1/2 hr-ish. I did this on my 2 daughters that have curls and it soo helped. Now for MY hair? There's no help. It went down the tubes after baby numero 6. I wear it short and desperately need a cut, but, like you cannot justify $25+ for one. Maybe I'll get brave and just shave it all off and start from scratch...

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  23. Nice try with the coloring of a 'new tee-shirt' ;) (love you still)

    I've tried this one - apply olive oil (without them eggs!) throughout hair, wrap it all nice for a couple of hours, then wash out. It makes your hair nice and shiny.

    I've also tried this - wash with baking soda (1/4 cup mixed with some water to get a paste), rinse, then pour some vinegar over (liberally) and rinse out. Hair? NICE AND CLEAN.

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  24. Okay, seriously? I'm the first one to come here and call you a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater for shooping your red shirt in photo editing???? ;)

    Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater.

    :)

    Your hair is purty, just like it is.

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  25. I did one of those homemade hair treatments once in college. I remember it had mayo in it. It took me more than a week of 2 or three hair washings a day to get that stuff back out of my hair! It was so greasy! Once it was finally out it did feel slightly softer...

    I feel your pain though. It has been over two years since my last haircut. And that was just a trim even though it really needed a cut.

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  26. Ok, first of all, I have tried the "no poo" thing and absolutely nothing but hot water (the idea being that eventually your hair will adjust and nautral oils will take over, yea, my didn't) and vinegar. Dwija If you look at a pic on my blog of my oldest daughter, she has my thick brown, long hair, similar to yours. The only thing that works well for both of us is coconut oil, but you have to be careful with it. You only need a very little bit. I put it on the finger tips and work it all through while wet.

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  27. Oh wow. You are so impressive. I have never tried to condition my own hair so I have no advice. But you are a trip to read about trying this and I can not believe you are contemplating cutting your own hair! I wish I lived closer, I'd come take care of your kids, give you my car and you could drive 35 miles and get it done so you could be pampered. :) Good luck!

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  28. So, based on your previous encounters with wildlife, I was fully expecting a story about an ACTUAL badger.

    I've used a mashed up avocado on my hair before and it worked pretty well.

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  29. Oh my, Dwija...at the very least you can feel good that you gave me a laugh for the day! That's enough, right? Even with badger hair?? What with that girdle and badger hair and all you are rockin' it, girlfriend. (And inquiring minds really do want to know more about that girdle, y'know...)

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    1. GirdleS. As in, plural. Super comfy, I'm tellin' ya...

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    2. I was gonna say.... I do want to see that post about the separating muscles and the girdles and all. I have a sneaking suspicion I might be in the same boat.

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  30. My 18 yo daughter has thick long hair and she has tried everything! The only thing that works that doesn't cost a fortune is Costco's Moisture Renewal shampoo and conditioner. You get a big pump bottle for less that $10 each.

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  31. I've found that avocado oil works better than olive oil. I used to use it all the time, and it made my hair soft and shiny. Actually the very best deep conditioner I've ever used is henna, but it's a little pricier than those other options. Nothing but a cut will fix split ends though. I've had friends cut their hair at home and it came out really cute. Maybe sometime soon I'll get brave enough to try it myself.

    Also, are you scrubbing your head with a towel to dry your hair? Cause that causes that whispy frizziness at the top of your head. Stop. Back away from the towel. Gently wring your hair out with your hand and then leave it alone.

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  32. I know that I'm coming a little late to the commenting party, but it wasn't until after reading this post a second time (work avoidance maneuver) that I caught the sly slight of hand. Your hair is beautiful, before and "after." Your photo shopping skills are admirable as well.

    As to at-home hair conditioning, it might be the hard water which is wreaking havoc on your hair. So, you may have to work the chemistry a little; maybe vinegar rinse, no water. Or, this might be anathema, but have you tried a beer rinse?

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    Replies
    1. You know, someone just brought up the hard water thing today and I had not thought about that yet. But I have been using it for 2 years and the hair has only recently started being so evil, so I don't know....

      Maybe if I just drink the beer instead of putting it on my head, I won't care about the hair thing so much???

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  33. Well, my German relatives like to say that there are plenty of B vitamins in beer. That would make two good arguments for imbibing the beer rather than steeping your hair in it: 1) nourishment from within and 2) acquired indifference.

    On a more analytical note, though, maybe the iron and whatnot is just building up as much on your hair as on your clothes. Wonder if there is such a thing as hard water shampoo? Or, if vinegar makes the clothes softer...

    Meh, the mere thought of all the hoops to jump to rinse with vinegar is tiring. Drink the beer.

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  34. I know this is an older post, but I just found your blog yesterday and was flipping through old ones! Stop shampooing your hair! Just start using conditioner. Scrub your scalp with it, bring it through the ends, and rinse well. Alternate with pure coconut oil when your hair is extra dry (after swimming, after days in the hot sun).

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