Thursday, September 13, 2012

That Crappy day and Feeling Discouraged

I'm just gonna tell you what happened yesterday, okay?

First, I awoke to Cecilia's singy-songy-song (as usual)...."moooooooomy, I'm awaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!".  Why she doesn't just exit her bedroom I will never know.  And when I went in there to release her, approximately 2.3 nanoseconds after hearing her, she had already peed on the floor.  And do you know what is particularly frustrating about that fact, besides the obvious requirement that someone (probably me) clean pee out of the carpet?  If you guessed "she has a little frog potty right there next to her bed and she just peed right on the floor next to it", you'd be right.  Don't you just love being right?!?!?

So we move from the bedroom to the kitchen where she demands breakfast.  Which is fine, 'cause like, people gotta eat and stuff.  Even people who pee their pants after they've already been potty trained for two months.  So I make the breakfast and feed the boy and start checking the email when I get a call.

Yes, that was the call you heard about yesterday, with the dance class and the hollering and the hand sewing at the last minute.  Whew!  Done!  They made it.

But then the phone rang again and it was this sweet, darling, wonderful absent-minded oldy-olderson woman from the county clerk's office who made me so frustrated after the morning I had just had that I swear nails were flying from my lips as I spoke.  And I posted this on facebook:




Ooooh, I was mad.  Frustrated.  Tired.

And suddenly the 5 year old and the 2 year old decide that they're ready for their morning snack and I'm like "fine!" so I give them cold cereal (which they had asked for), and the 2 year old, of the peeing on the floor, whacks the bowl with her elbow, sending already-soggy Honey Bunches of Oats (or whatever it was) all over the dining room table and floor.

Also, whose bright freaking idea was it to ever, ever, ever put carpet in a DINING ROOM???  Someone evil and/or foolish, I tell ya what.

And that's when it happened.

I threw a complete fit.

I stomped and I cried and I acted like a total fool and if my kitchen floor weren't so dirty, I would have laid upon it and rolled back and forth and banged my heels against the said floor in my frustration.

To which the boy responded "I just can't stop laughing!  You're so funny, mommy!"

Joy.

Then the big girls got home and we tried to get to the schoolin' and the cleanin' between bouts of someone dripping watermelon juice all over the same evil carpet from above and we survived and we got ready for the very first Wednesday night CCD session at church.

During which, the parent meeting WITH OUR PASTOR, Cecilia decided to pee directly onto the floor of the gym.  And I thought I was going to die.

Do you know that there is at least one woman at our parish who now thinks I am the meanestest mother who ever lived on the face of the Earth?  Because after taking the child to the bathroom, I told her that she was going to have to clean up her own mess.  We got paper towels, some wet and some dry, and we went and cleaned up the pee.  And the concerned lady came running over, leaving the meeting with the pastor, and said in her best stage whisper "I WANT TO HELP HER!" and made a sweet face at the child while simultaneously glaring at me.  She's talented.

But I shooed her away and insisted that any child who was FULLY potty-trained  for several weeks and who can remove snacks from the fridge and quote Martha Speaks, can also use a paper-towel to sop up her own "accident".

Of course now, after reading that, I do feel like I am in fact the meanestest mother who has ever lived on the face of the Earth, but I am seriously at a loss.  I do. Not. Know what to do with her!  So much pee, so little sleep, so much me freaking out.  But really, it's not all that bad.  What happened yesterday was not that big of a deal in terms of motherhood.  I'm just completely stressed out.

You know what I'm stressed out about?  What's contributing to my obnoxiously short fuse?  This ongoing job situation.  See, Tommy's been working all summer for a parish friend who owns a landscaping company, which was definitely a God-send as he searched for a permanent job.  But the season will be over soon and the interviews keep happening but the actual job offers keep not coming.   Which means no extra pennies to put into savings or to pay off our student loans or to buy a second little beater vehicle for Tommy to take to work so I can have access to the van during the week so I can do things like take care of birth certificate flubs and haul my little baby to be seen by a chiropractor (or some other medical professional) for her tiny baby torticollis, if that's even what she has.

And I keep thinking "By X date, surely things will have worked themselves out and we can finally start thinking about repairing the holes in the floor of the laundry room".  Then X date comes and goes and still nothing.  And I'm really starting to feel discouraged, because my dear Lord, this job hunt has been going on for over a year!  Over a year.

And I have work that I'm able to do from home to help supplement the income, but right now it's work that I HAVE to do in order for us to make all this keep running and that's a lot of pressure for someone who'd like the chance to "just" be a mom.  So I can't say "Hey, I want to take two weeks and use that time to really focus on my kids and my house.  Whenever and however they need me, I'll be ready and willing."  Because I have to work because there's no job offer.  Or "I will exercise every day" because when I have that time I think "Hey, I probably ought to reply to those emails..."

I'm so thankful we both have some kind of work we can do, but I'm also frustrated.  I don't know how much longer I can pretend to even almost keep all this together.  Clearly the fact that I threw an actual fit in front of my youngest children is a sign that the answer is "not much longer".

So will you pray for my hubby and his job situation?  A full-time permanent position with vacation time, sick time and medical benefits?  There are two jobs "in the pipes" right now that he's not heard back about, but we're starting to think those should be moved out of the 'maybe' column and into the 'no' column at this point too, and that's just making us all sad.

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79 comments :

  1. Dwija, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. My second daughter was the same with the whole pee situation and guess what? I made her clean it up too. Same reasons you did. I guess that makes us both bad moms? ;-)

    Praying for you and your family!

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  2. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this! I hope ykur husband's job situation improves very soon. Is it too much to hope your daughter will pee on the carpeted floor of the county office?

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    1. That is an EXCELLENT hope right there. You're a genius!

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    2. Ha, ha, ha!!!!!

      Dwija, hang in there! Praying for you!

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  3. I am so so so sorry!! I can relate how hard the job market is (hubby was out of work and NOBODY would call no matter how many applications he put out....thankfully the previous employer called him back to work, but hubby does want anouther line of work...so I have a hubby right now with constant PMS..the joy...Lol) We "only" have one child (we would LOVE to have more, but my ole body wont cooperate...sigh) and I keep my goddaughter (who is 2) and some days I feel like if I had to cook one more thing, wash one more piece of clothes, or clean on more mess I will snap. Thankfully, at those moments grace from God comes flooding in and I can manage until I get my head together and can go on being a good mommy and wifey. I have thrown fits, great ones with tears and all!!! But realize this, you ARE a good momma, you ARE a good wife, you ARE a good person that is doing a GREAT job! Just because we get frustrated, aggrivated, and mad doesnt make us less good, it serves as a reminder that we cannot do it by our own humaness, but we can do it when we cling and hold HOLD tight to our Father (Mother Mary is such a awesomely awesome BIG help too :0) ) My prayers are with you!! God bless and yall!!! (sorry I am from south Louisiana, it is a law I throw in one "ya'll" in every post...LOL)

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  4. Dorian Speed, you could team up with Dwija as that has box-office written all over it!

    Smiling and praying...reminding St. Joseph about the job and asking him to intercede. God bless.

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  5. Athena Mosier DaileySeptember 13, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    I know it's probably not much consolation, but it is common for previously potty-trained children to "act out" when there is changes going on...like a new baby, parents being stressed, etc. I don't think you're a bad mom; in fact, I'm probably meaner. I make my older clean up when they vomit on the carpet. I tell them like a bazillion times to get a bowl or hang out in the uncarpeted bathroom when they are not feeling well, and they randomly walk onto the carpeted floor to get sick. Frustrating, to say the least. (and that was probably TMI...lol)

    I will pray for your hubby to get a job, and for you to have peace. We are in the same boat with lack of money, ridiculously high gas prices, and having to drive forever to get anywhere....coupled with trying to get schooling done, and everyone wanting a peice of you, I can totally understand the throwing a fit....(I actually did the same thing yesterday; maybe it's something in the air??)

    Today is a new day! I'm going to smile, say a morning prayer with my children, (which I forgot yesterday...maybe that was the problem), and try again. Maybe today will better. :-)

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  6. Oh, Dweej. I'm so so sorry about all of this. It's a lot. I will add you and Tommy to the prayer list. And I've totally had fits like that in front of my kids, I'm ashamed to say. But for much lesser things and I think I may have scared them rather than entertained them. I wish there was more I could do to help. But pray I will.

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    1. Prayer is the most important thing right now, Mary! All I can think about all day is his phone ringing and him getting the job, so if we can just bug whoever is the patron saint of telephones, that would be fabulous ;)

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  7. DWIJA I love you. Ok not in a creepy way but as one sister in Christ to the other.

    Just last night our now I'm trained, now I'm not 2 year old did something dreadful in his pants. Daddy, who is working 2 jobs and 80 hours with no sleep had to get up and help. It was an ugly situation all around.

    I know what it is to be stressed when your husband is struggling for work and even when he has it how the lack of funds is hell on earth. I know what that can do to Mom's heart.

    I'm keeping you, your family, and your husband's job hunting in my prayers.

    And for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your child clean up her own urine. Poop, maybe, but not urine.

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  8. I feel obligated especially to pray for she-of-the-pee-incidents, as Cecilia is my own Confirmation name. Hope all the prayers that are sure to reach Heaven on your behalf help the job situation (and keep the carpets dry!).

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    1. Thank you, Jeanmarie! Sometimes I wonder if the saints our kids are named after ever did the things they do. Like, did St. Cecilia pee on the floor of her church gym while everyone was having a meeting with their priest? I sure hope so....

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  9. Oh the do-over day, I hate those days. Loathe them in fact. But we all have them and that probably offers nothing to you except that I feel your pain. You are NOT the worst mother ever and it sounds as if you have hit your limit. I will gladly pray for you, your hubbster, and the little ones.

    Hugs upon hugs upon more hugs & prayers!

    Alita

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  10. I live in North Dakota and work at a gym. I have been meeting a lot of men who have come here for work in the oil fields. Just want you to know that you are not alone. I hear so many stories from these guys about losing everything... their homes, jobs, cars, businesses and even their families due to the economy. These men are coming from all over the United States to try and start over. I have met many from Michigan and they say the job market is very bad there right now. I don't have any magical words for you that will make it all better, but I will share one of my favorite verses...

    Joh_16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

    Just remember that this world is full of disappointment and discouragement but HE has overcome it all through HIS amazing and loving sacrifice for us. HE knows this world is going to be tough on us while we are here, but the more we cling to HIM the less this world will affect us. After all, we have the most powerful being in the WHOLE UNIVERSE on our side! How cool is that?!! :)

    Take care, Dweej. It will get better, then it will get bad, then better, then a little more bad..etc. That is the reality of life in this world. Just knowing that you already have the victory through Christ is assurance that in the end it will just stay better.

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    1. Shelly, I just shared this exact verse on the fb page last night! Awesome :)

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    2. Very cool! Love it when HIS spirit speaks!! Have a better day! :)

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  11. I just had a day a lot like this and it seems the smallest thing tips you over the edge. You go and go with the tough stuff, but it's the THIRD spilling of milk at dinner that set me into the crying fit! Prayers for you and your family.

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    1. Yes! Exactly! My poor hubby...never knows what kind of state he's going to find me in when he gets home. And I really try to have it together and be supportive, because he's just as stressed out as I am, but sometimes the crazy leaks out anyway.

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  12. I can't say any better words than...Praying! :)

    Psalm 31:24
    Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
    all you who wait for the Lord!

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  13. Tony and I are both praying for you guys and remain in awe of how much you accomplish with a happy heart. I think you get to have the occasional kitchen floor meltdown. It must be somewhere in your contract.

    Just so you know I think my own Mother must have taught me to clean up potty training setbacks. I have a distinct early memory of my Mom busy with an important phone call, myself having an accident, and with great pride and confidence cleaning up all the evidence, and getting myself situated with new pants. So good on you for providing your girl with another useful life skill.

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    1. Well if your mom made you do it, and you turned out as you have, I really don't feel so bad anymore, Holt!

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  14. Is it possible that your daughter has a UTI? When I was a kid I had them all the time and the only symptom until they got severe was peeing in my pants. It might be worth checking out.

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  15. It is part of standard operating potty training procedure to let the trainee clean up their own mess. Not a mean mommie.

    Secondly, you can work on baby torticollis until you figure out what to do by sitting her in the bumbo, and having a kid sit on the the side of her she avoids, and entice her to turn her head that way by talking and offering her toys and funny faces and what ever will get her to move the way she doesn't move. This isn't the end all of treatments, but while you are situating yourself it does help. Also during diaper changes or something while she is lying down, you can passively turn her head the avoided direction, slowly, gently, and also just try to get her to look that direction as often as you can. You'll get her treated asap, I'm sure, but in the meantime this will help and you wont feel so powerless.

    And St. Nicholas is a great patron for your situation, as he is the patron saint for Children, and all matters legal and financial. I'll light a candle in front of his icon today and pray for his intercession. He has never failed me!

    Blessings!

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  16. Listen: I think all moms hit their limits at times. As you know, I work as a special ed teacher and then come home from a 40 minute commute to two teenagers, who often are bickering with one another and the little one coming up with a zillion excuses why he can't do homework, or needs the tv on when he is doing homework, or is too tired to do homework etc. I was horrified when i realized our family room window was open all afternoon because of the unkind words coming out of my mouth toward our homework-avoiding child. (like 'shut up." God forgive me)

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  17. Oh, Dweej. I'm sending prayers your way right now. My family was in a similar situation not very long ago, and it still can feel a little stressful. I had to keep reminding myself that God knew what our needs were and would take care of us- and He has! Some days are just a little harder to trust. Hope your husband gets an awesome job really soon!

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  18. I'm praying for you! And a suggestion: Consider putting a donation button on your sidebar. I'm sure lots of readers (myself included) would be happy to support your work!

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  19. Hey D! Chin up buttercup! I think something is in the water cause I feel your pain and so do alot of other folks. At least your 2 year old is just peeing! Mine recently decided that she would poo in her panties with no warning at a soccer practice where there is no place to change her or rinse her off...not once but twice!!! Talk about frustrating! And our home is old and needs a few transplants. And we too are a single income family where it all falls on my shoulders and two weeks ago I wasthisclose to just giving up. On EVERYTHING! But this too shall pass and I just have to keep reminding myself Matthew 6:25-34. Xo LD

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  20. Prayers for you, and your husband. I know this isn't an easy season. And I had the same screaming fit over my then almost 3-year old son who kept peeing on the floor (for the NINE MILLIONTH TIME!). He's now 16 and fully potty trained.....!! Hang in there - from the comments, lots of prayers coming your way.

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  21. I made Madison clean up her pee accidents too. That makes you a good Mom not a bad one! As far as your situation goes, I understand the point you are at (with the exception of the 5 kids and 1 car). I had gotten to that point too and Michael finally got a job last month. What you are feeling is normal but it sucks and I am sorry you have to go through it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My biggest challenge was not being able to make real plans. It made me feel like our lives were stagnant. I hope that you get an end to this soon!

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  22. I am just going to say one thing: one of my children, who had "accidents" way past even the Catholic Age of Consent, was often (and consistently) made to clean up her own messes. And it helped. And she is totally fine. :-)

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  23. Job and work and money and everything is SO stressful. It's the number one thing to keep me and the hubs up at night!

    I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers and add you to my list of people to offer up the third trimester for. I'd offer up labor too, but I hope this will be solved by the end of October!

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  24. My daughter wet the bed until she was 7. I would have her take her own sheets off her bed. Oh No! Somebody call Child Protective Services! We took her to the doctor, who put her on medication for a month, then he had a serious talk with her. Did she think the medication worked? Yes. Did she think she could do without taking it? Yes. Well, let's give it a try. She never wet the bed again.

    Guess what she and Cecelia have in common? A new baby? Yup!

    The answer is to try to give her a lot of extra attention. I mean, LAVISH her with attention (not negative), catch her being good, praise her to the skies, etc. The coloring of the face, the peeing on the floor is her reaction to not being your "baby" any more. Be matter of fact about it when she does pee. No extra attention for peeing on the floor, because any attention, even negative attention, is still attention. Just clean it up (she can help), say: "You'll do better next time" in as neutral a voice as possible and move on to something else. She'll get over it soon with this approach, I'm certain.

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    1. Thank you so much for this, Paula. It really, really helps!

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    2. That was ubernice advice to an uberawesome mama.

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    3. Paula's post reminded me how our oldest used to PEE on purpose all over the toys. Why? He was PISSED about having a new brother, then a little over one and terribly cute. The older boy was four and fully potty trained at the time.

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  25. I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me! We're in a little different situation here, but I definitely feel at the end of my rope most days lately. Hope things start looking up for you soon.

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  26. P.S. I'm praying for you, Dwija!

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  27. Oh dear. Job stress is the worst. We will pray!

    And I'm glad you told the church lady to get lost!

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  28. Oh man. Money and job stuff is SOOOO hard, especially with the whole insurance benefits thing tied in. I've definitely reached the point of a tantrum and scared my little guys. Upswing? I find that that's usually a sign to our good Lord that I've reached that breaking point and then He usually starts to turn the tide. Stay in the game, girlfriend. It's all proof that you guys are doing the right stuff!

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  29. What kind of job is Tommy looking for? Would you be willing to move (asks the internet stalker who would love to have you as a neighbor!)?

    Why don't you just put Celia in pull-ups (or whatever the non-disposable option is) at night? Night time peeing is more of a psychological thing than a physical thing and my doctor SiL told me it takes up to a YEAR after they are day-potty-trained to be night-potty-trained. Personally, I'd rather change a pull-up than change sheets or clean pee off the floor. As for peeing on the floor during the day - well that's just to get you to Heaven faster ;)

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  30. First of all, dude, I've thrown many a fit in front of my children. Many. I've apologized for it many times (to God and them) but have realized, beating up on yourself will never make the situation better! YOU PROBABLY DESERVED TO THROW A FIT! We're human too ;) I suppose, maybe next time, go into your room and shout into a pillow?? I've done that before too and it works much better ;)

    So many things going on in your life right now. So many needs to take care of, so many things to take care of, so many prayers to say...just KNOW, God has not forgotten about you. He hasn't. He sees you and knows you are a good mama. A good woman. He is supporting you as we speak. You are doing the best you can and if you didn't get frustrated by all the chaos of having young children, etc...something would be wrong! Thank you for sharing your heart and your experience with all of us. We will surely pray for you and offer up any I-want-to-throw-an-adult-sized-tantrum-but-instead-will-offer-it-up-for-Dwija's-strength. Maybe we'll gain some strength too? I think so ;)

    You are not alone in all of this. I am almost positive, to an annoying degree, that you will find this discouragement will turn to joy so very soon. It all passes. It always does. You are a good mother. Never forget it.

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  31. Sending lots of prayers your way!
    My hubby was unemployed during my last pregnancy, premature birth/ NICU stay, Teddy's diagnosis with SMA and all the medical stuff was mounting, plus, my unemployed inlaws were living with us in the room I needed for the new baby. I just kept thinking, WTH God??? Can't you just find Tony a job? It was such a dark time. But, of course, God did provide a great job for him, right as we were thinking there wouldn't be any Christmas gifts. I know He'll come through for your family somehow, some way. Hang in there!!!

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  32. Sending lots of prayers your way! I hope your pee-monster gets things figured out soon so you can stop cleaning up her mess. How frustrating!
    I don't blame you for snapping, either. It is alot on your plate!

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    1. I'm terrible about needing something to look forward to, and right now I feel like there really isn't anything. No baby coming, no job starting, no new school year just around the corner, can't plan any sort of vacation or getaway or whatever. It's like..."the waiting place". I don't like the waiting place!

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    2. But there IS a job coming! I wish you knew when, so that it would ease your burden. But expect our Lord to deliver.

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  33. What is most annoying about the "peeing in public" incident is the lady who interfered. That would have seriously annoyed me. Regarding your fit earlier in the day - I totally get it and have had more than a few of those myself right in front of my small children. Then my three year old walks around repeating the very unpleasant things I have said. Great. I and many other people I know have made their kids clean up their own mess.... esp after they have been trained for a while. I completely agree with Paula's advice about being neutral in your response to the seemingly intentional peeing. I was entirely unable to do that with my own child but I highly recommend it! I am knowing potty training my second and am hoping I can grow up a bit myself in the process.
    Your blog is great. I will pray for your husband's employment!
    Kyla

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  34. Oh, Dwija. I'm praying for you and Tommy. And I think it's totally reasonable to expect Ceci to help you clean up her accidents. It will all get better eventually, but hopefully all our prayers will help in the meantime!

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  35. Like everyone on here I am praying for you! I've SO, SO, SO had those days. And then I've had the days when I think we are so blessed and things are so good in our lives. The joys of being a woman, a hormonal, sleep deprived, faith filled and totally imperfect mother! And yes, I would ABSOLUTELY expect her to clean it up. And I'd tell Ms. "I want to help her" that we are raising children who understand the consequences of their actions when they are fully able to understand them and this is part of training up a child in the way they should go and she should just go sit herself back down and be glad that some parents are raising responsible kids! Or I'd at least think those things while I smiled through grimaced teeth and told her that we were fine, but thank you for offering.

    And somehow it will work out. There is something out there that is right for you guys. And there is a team of prayer warriors all over who are praying for you!

    Heather

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    1. I totally had to do the grit-teeth-pseudo-thanks-but-no-thanks! I mean, duh, of COURSE I'm going to actually be cleaning up the mess, but she has to think she's doing it on principle, amiright?

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  36. I can relate too well to way to much of this blog post, more than I want to admit to on a regular basis. Prayers will be prayed for you. Often, I love that you share your humorous stories. Today, I'm glad you shared so I can feel like I'm not the only one who has felt the way I do sometimes. (And maybe, someday, part of your post will seem funny to you as well.)

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  37. Ok, so I don't want to revel in your awful day or anything, but it's so great to hear other moms' tantrum stories. We all have them. Few of us share them. But it's so very validating, a lovely reminder that my urge to lie on my own dirty kitchen floor and pound my fists on the tile is totally normal. Thanks for that and many prayers during this uncertain time with your husband's job.

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    1. I agree with Lisa. There have been so many times when I think, "I'm better than this! I shouldn't be doing this! Shouldn't be acting this way! I should be able to be smiley and happy and patient and kind all the time! Other moms don't do this!" Then I learned that they DO! And that made me feel grounded again.
      Dwij, you are beautifully human. If you can lose it and throw tantrums, it means that my own tantrums are not going to damage my children for life. It means that I don't have to walk around on eggshells before my husband for fear that if I share my fears and frustrations it will give him good reason to leave. It means that God still loves me. And I need that. I needed to read this truth of your life. Thank you.

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  38. Once she was over 2, I made my daughter clean up her own "accidents". Pee, poop, vomit, whatever. (obviously I helped her wash her hands afterwards). When she wet her bed, she had to strip her bed and put the sheets in the washer. Apparently, I'm super mean! And I would've had to resist the urge to tell the woman at church to mind her own beeswax. Good thing people can't read minds, huh?

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    1. According to my husband, I'm not super good at hiding my feelings, so I'm guessing she didn't need any mind-reading abilities to know just how I was feeling, staring up at her from my spot crouching on the floor right next the pee pee butt child. Oops!

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  39. Dwija,

    Thanks - I am dealing with lots of stress too and it was nice to read a post knowing that I am not the only one who has crazy days and might occasionally throw a fit in her home and deal with lots of pee pee sheets - and later realize financial or other bigger emotional stressors are really underlying the lack of mommy love and grace in my life. (That and the extreme need for a good confession!)

    I however don't have a newborn. My dear friend last year reminded me that around 2-3 months after birth, moms' hormones are shifting tremendously and it can actually be a pretty difficult time for many people. (It was good to hear because I always associated 6-8 weeks as the window of "hormonal" time, and I was indeed having a rocky time of it!)

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  40. A. Glad to know I am in such awesome company for OTT! Overwhelmed Temper Tantrum. Bet I can throw a bigger 46 year old one, in front of Mr.13 and Miss 11! Nice maturity level, go me!
    B. Remember you are training Miss Pee on the Floor, skills she can use her entire life: cleaning up after others. May she birth 12 kids or be Mother Superior, job well done Mom.
    C. Heaven is not listening to me, I pray everyday for Tommy. I am sorry the I don't have any clout in that department, refer to #1! Think that may have something to do with it.
    D. I think you are awesome from far way, hope that counts for some kind of feeling better. Not sure how or why!
    E. Keep the humor.

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  41. You are an AMAZING mom! I can already see myself having little miss or mister clean up their own mess in that exact situation! I get it. Kids have accidents. But like you said she's on the verge of knowing better and having to clean up their own mess is really a good learning tool for little kiddos!!! Anyway... just wanted to back you up on THAT issue. As far as the rest are concerned I will pray for you friend. How you do all that you do now is a miracle! ;)

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  42. Praying for you!! And I think by the sheer amount of comments, you see that you are not a terrible mom for making her clean up her own mess and your fit was...par for the course in mom land. My kids just laugh at me when I throw my fits...er... that one time. Yeah.

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    1. You have no idea how much all these comments have lifted me up today!

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  43. I'm also praying for you and your lovely family.

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  44. If he has done that many interviews maybe he is doing something wrong in them. Can he meet with a career counselor or go to a place where they will do practice interviews and video record you?

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    1. The feedback he's been getting is that he's overqualified for the positions he's interviewing for, but there aren't any openings for the positions he's properly qualified for. It's just such a tough market out there...

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    2. That's what they keep saying in Alex's interviews! I do not understand why they won't hire someone who is overqualified when that person is willing to do the job. It's a such a touch market, they do not have anywhere else to go.

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    3. Um, "tough" market. I don't want to know what a "touch" market is.

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    4. Sometimes I think the bosses are worried our boys will take their jobs (because they're qualified to do them) so they'd rather hire people who will be content just doing the junk work. It's so maddening!

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  45. Thinking of you, Dwija, and hoping for a job to come through for your husband soon!

    I think everyone throws fits sometimes and you made me think of myself with that story. I was a volunteer abroad and it was pretty standard there due to the stresses of personal and professional life that if you hadn't thrown a crying fit at some point in front of someone that you didn't want to see it, you were probably devoid of all human feeling.

    I would classify homeschooling three growing minds and dealing with peeing toddlers and an almost-newborn baby, without a car, with the family in economic flux, and 25 miles from definitely on par with that sort of stressful experiences.

    And I admire you for making Ceci clean up after herself... I have the feeling that your kids are going to be pretty awesome adults!

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    1. Oops, meant to say.. "25 miles from the county seat"!

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  46. My almost 3-year-old likes to pee in her car seat when we're driving and then not tell me until I see her wet pants minutes later while in the house, or feel them when I pick her up or she sits on my lap, etc. And she acts very proud of it: "Yes, mama, I peed in my car seat!" It happened again today, and I thought of you and I was just able to roll it off my shoulders instead of getting upset with her (you were my inspiration for that!).

    I don't think I've ever commented on your blog, but I LOVE reading your posts. You are a super-terrific mom!! Hang in there, and I am praying for all of this!

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    1. I'm so glad you came back to tell me this story, Marla. Really put a smile on my face. We're not alone, I tell you! :)

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  47. Sorry to hear that things are hard at the moment. Will keep you in my prayers :)

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  48. I will pray for your Tommy and for God to sustain you in trust while you await for his Providence to overwhelm you as it always does . . . it is just hard in our humanity to get through what seems like forever until his perfect timing arrives. You truly had a crappy day. It is right for child to clean up the mess too, so have no guilt there. I think that is in myriads of Positive Discipline/positive parenting books, so no worries. The older ones among us didn't read those books. Will pray for you today too. You are a great Momma, so don't forget that. Try to find time for you and Jesus today. He loves you and your sense of humor and he will refresh you.

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  49. Oh, the gift of humility through our children!
    Love it!

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  50. Sorry about all the crappiness. I've only been reading your blog for a short while so I didn't know your husband had been job hunting. Sending thoughts his way for a good offer. Hope today goes better for you.

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  51. Here is a prayer for Tommy!

    Dear Saint Joseph, you were yourself once faced with the responsibility of providing the necessities of life for Jesus and Mary. Look down with fatherly compassion upon all in their anxiety over their present inability to support their family. Please help them to find gainful employment very soon, so that this heavy burden of concern will be lifted from their hearts and that they are soon able to provide for those whom God has entrusted to their care. Help us to guard against bitterness and discouragement, so that they may emerge from this trial spiritually enriched and with even greater blessings from God. Amen.

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  52. If it makes you feel better, I was giving the boys a bath this afternoon and Aiden (our oldest) was ready to come out, so I leave Carson swimming in the bathtub and go to primp Aiden, dry him off, get him dressed, lotioned, fix his hair - hes ready to go.

    I go back to the bathroom to check on Carson (our toddler) splashing around, and slip on my back because in the 5 minutes I took to get Aiden ready, apparently the entirety of the pacific ocean made its way to the boys bathroom.

    So I get up, dry off, and just then I smell something awful. I run downstairs looking for the doggie and cant find him anywhere. Apparently, without realizing it, I had left our doggie asleep with my hubby (who works graveyard shifts and is home at 7am, so he was in bed) It seems that at some point decided he had to go to the bathroom. so he just did....right there at the side of the bed.

    So now I have to tell Carson to wait in the bath a while longer so I can clean Pattons poop (which right now, Im pretty proud of myself, because he hadnt done that in months and months, and the last time he had a situation in the house, he was sternly talked to!) But this time, I kept it together, and just started cleaning up this horse sized pile of excrement in our master bedroom, and told Patton to go play with brother (that is Aiden...yes we refer to the kids as "brothers" when we talk to the pup, but he gets it).

    There I am with a glob of dog poop in toilet paper when Aiden comes running into the room to see what happened, smells it, and vomits....all over me, all over himself, all over the already pooped on carpet.

    So the dog runs in and starts lapping up the vomit, running through his poo, and then decides to run into the boys run, and jump on their beds...with a trail of poop and vomit on his sweet little puppy feet.

    Just about that time, as I am running to stop the crazy dog from spreading MORE bodily fluids over the house, of course there goes my naked 3 year old laughing as he runs around the bedroom and screams "POOPIEEEEE".

    And at that moment I know, I just KNOW...hes playing with it. LOL

    Thankfully, he wasnt. And I was able to get all my three little rascals, the boys and puppy, into the bathtub, and the carpet scrubbed and clean.

    There are days that are just giggles and kisses, sweet childlike laughter and warm embracing.

    And then there are days filled with dog crap and vomit.

    Sometimes, I think thats the best part about being a mommy - you absolutely never know whats right around the corner! And of course, you know I have photographic evidence of such shenanigans to shame my one day grown young men.

    Moral of the story is: Bribery is fun!

    Or something like that...

    Hang in there Dweej; youre a wonderful mommy - we're all entitled to a senseless tantrum every now and again. For the love of all that is good in this world, youve mothered more children than most women would have the courage! And we all praise you for it! :)

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    1. Thank you so much for this FANTASTICALLY AWESOME story, Heather! Man. We all have days, don't we?

      Just had to give Cecilia her first set of bangs because she cut her own hair with infant nail scissors.

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  53. Oh, Dweej, that is a bad day. If it makes you feel any better, I've thrown a fit in front of my kids before too. (and it makes me feel better that I'm not the only stressed out mama that's done this)
    I really hope and pray that some good job will come through for Tommy. It has to right?!!!
    xo

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