Monday, January 07, 2013

A Morning in the Life

Brace yourself for the world's most exciting blog post.

Just kidding.

The other day Grace did one of those moment-by-moment recaps of her morning and I swore up and down that I could never do it because I would look like a lazy loser compared to a woman with THREE BABIES IN DIAPERS.  But it turns out I'm a big fat liar because I did it anyway.

You know what's more tiring than doing the stuff?  Writing it down while you do it.  I swear that added 25% more time to every single dadgum task!  You guys?  I am never doing this again.  No.

But I friggin' wrote all this stuff down, so you're gonna read it.  Wow, I am magnanimous
7:14- Mary wakes up and demands milky snack from cow mother. Cow mother curses Downton Abbey for keeping her up way too late because cow mother didn't watch it in real time but rather after the fact and started at almost midnight.  Yes.  Cow mother is an idiot

7:20- Cecilia appears and demands solid snacks in the form of breakfast.  Calf baby is still nomming.  Cecilia is vocally insulted.

7:23- Paul appears. Complains that he accidentally peed on his pajamas a little while trying to go potty.  Attempts to climb into cow mother's bed anyway.  Cow mother uncharitably prohibits and sends him to change his pants

7:24- more cursing of Downton Abbey as cow mother wrenches herself out of another doze

8:02- change Mary's diaper.  Toss wet diaper into the washing machine.

8:08- scowl at the bottle of vinegar left strategically next to the coffee maker.  Add "clean coffee machine" to the to-do list in the day planner

8:09- pour coffee for myself and two tyrannical children who have been ruined...RUINED I TELL YOU...by their father's love affair with the bean of the coffee.

8:11- take two photos of coffee mugs.  Roll eyes at myself.



8:15- Have bleary eyed discussion with Katy about the etymological origins of the word Monday.  Exhibit great restraint by not giving any snarky responses.

8:18- agree to no-protein, high-suger Honey Nut Cheerios (not generic.  The best) for the two small tyrants Paul and Cecilia.  Prepare to regret decision immediately.

8:20- Find Mary underneath the naked Christmas tree that needs to be taken out of my house this very instant before I have a heart attack because LAWDY LAWDY I need to vacuum.


8:25- start finishing the weekly school schedule that should have been finished last night but wasn't because Downton Abbey is a jerk.

8:27- Paul: can we make gigantic pizzas today?  If penguins came over, they would love it!

8:41- Cecilia: it is dark in this room!  why are the curtains closed!  but I don't wanna get dressed!

8:42- Find Cecilia in Mary's crib.

8:47- File last week's completed school work and find last YEAR'S completed school work still in that folder.  Marvel at my incredible organizational abilities.

8:48- Oh my gosh.  I haven't brushed my teeth yet.  Gross.

8:51- hang wet (clean) diaper covers from yesterday on the drying rack.

8:53- Mary rolls onto guitar stand and demands I carry her in reparation for its sins.

8:54- trip over enormous push broom in the entry way which Ceci is using to "clean up"

9:01- Elizabeth!  Get out of bed!  It's 9 o'clock and the dogs need breakfast and you need to get up.

9:06- insist that Paul get dressed.  Give self-feeder of awesomeness filled with banana to Mary.


9:12- start photocopies of this week's science lesson.  Add  printer paper to shopping list.

9:15- scoop up toys in living room and dining room on my way to the play room to holler at check on people.

9:16- discover Cecilia's uneaten bowl of soggy cereal on the table.  Eat it.  Oh yes I did.

9:18- escape to the bathroom while no one is paying attention to me.  Cecilia is immediately in the hallway banging on the door demanding entry.  Should have left the door open.

9:21- having not eaten breakfast, Cecilia requests a banana "like a monkey".  Oblige and refill Mary's non nom while I'm at it.

9:24- finish up science booklets.  Insist Paul go potty.  Paul: How did you know I needed to?  Me: You were doing that special dance.

9:30- sneak off to get dressed (a shower is a no-can-do on this kind of Monday).  Waste 2 precious minutes looking for a specific pair of earrings because I am an idiot and then finally just wear the same ones I wore yesterday.  Lizzy brings me a screw she found on the floor.  The dogs demand to go out.

9:37- frozen waffle into the toaster for Hobbit #1 (age 2)

9:41- time to nurse Hobbit #2 (age 6 months).  Grab my phone on the way to the sofa so I can check email for the first time while Mary eats.

9:53- check twitter on the phone since baby is still eating.  See that my #pray2lose friends are being all proactive with exercise and water drinking and meanwhile I'm wondering if there's enough coffee for a third cup.

9:55- Curse Downton Abbey

9:56- Change Mary's diaper.  Toss wet diaper into machine.

10:02- Toss (not literally.  Be serious.) Mary into her bed for her 10 a.m. nap.

10:04- read TWO highly educational books to Cecilia while the big kids get started on their school work.


10:31- Mary makes a peep from her bed.  Lizzy kindly offers to stop doing her math and go get her.  Cow mother politely tells her to keep her nose in her book, thankyouverymuch.







10:32- read Little Bear with Paul

10:41- start a second waffle for Hobbit #1

10:42- Paul practices his handwriting while I get the pre-rinse cycle going on the diapers.

10:46- Now Paul needs a waffle.  See?  I told you I'd regret the stupid cereal idea.

10:47- help Lizzy with her math. Give Cecilia spoonful of crunchy peanut butter to eat at her seat.  Turn the burner on under the pot of chicken stock.


10:52- Mary complains for real this time from her bed.  Run to the potty real quick.  Retreive baby.

10:58- Use packing tape to repair Katy's history text book
11:04- Remind myself to submit freelance invoice for this pay period

11:09- start vinegar cleaning cycle in coffee pot.

11:12- start bread machine

11:20- actually send invoice I imagined sending 16 minutes ago

11:21- realize I'm starving.  Inhale Kashi trail mix bar

11:26- add eggs (stupid not laying chickens not laying this winter.  What the heck?) and King Arthur whole wheat flour to shopping list

11:31- put the rest of the laundry in with the pre-rinsed diapers and start today's load

11:36- chop sweet potato for mashing into baby-food


11:43- change Mary's diaper

11:50- find band-aid wrapper on bathroom counter. interrogate children.  insist that guilty child PUT HIS OWN DANG TRASH INTO THE TRASH CAN BECAUSE DO I LOOK LIKE A MAID DON'T ANSWER THAT

11:52- notice horrible layer of dust on furniture in living room.  Ignore.

11:54- listen to poetry memorization recitation while tidying up the kitchen

11:57- take out recycling

12:00- So.  What should we have for lunch? (no, I still have never made a meal plan in my life.  What is wrong with me?)

12:02- start making easy cheesy burritos.

12:13- add cheese, tortillas, refried beans to shopping list

12:20- set up burrito buffet station

12:25- nurse baby while bigger kids eat lunch.
check email while baby is eating.
think about bags under my eyes.
Curse Downton Abbey
Eat

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Will you ever forgive me for torturing you with all of this?  Ever ever ever?

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39 comments :

  1. You homeschooling moms are my heroes. And I, with 6 children, feel incredibly lazy and selfish. ;) My kids also request bananas "like a monkey" and I always regret cereal breakfasts too. I'm impressed that there are pictures to go with this! I am on season 2 of DA, and stayed up until midnight watching two episodes last night.

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  2. I told Grace this, and I'll tell you the same thing: I looooove daily schedule posts! I know you didn't shower today, but when do you usually shower. This is my biggest crux. I ask everyone this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shower during the 10 a.m. nap. I give art supplies or workbooks or put on Arthur or whatever I have to do for the other small kids and school work to the big kids. It still sucks, though. Lots of screaming!

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    2. Wow. The one and only time I have ever showered when my husband wasn't around to watch the kids I had to gate them into the living room and remove EVERYTHING except the TV - including pictures and other wall decor - and literally 30 seconds in I heard screaming and there had already been a head injury. I don't know how y'all manage it!!

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  3. OKay I don't know how you have them ALL home with you ALL day! And not fall asleep by 9 on the couch like I do. Seriously, how? But you do make it look sorta fun :)

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  4. I am so impressed with your mad multitasking skills. I seriously don't know how you do it!

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  5. Hey I am making chicken stock today too!

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  6. It looks like a lot to me. All we have done today is get everyone dressed. Take kids to doctor. Eat McDonald's. Wash a load of dishes. Give up on getting dinner in Crockpot in time to actually eat at dinner time. And half a page of actual school work. Sigh.

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    Replies
    1. I should probably add that it has taken two hours to do that half page and the school work in question is handwriting. I mean copy the page already! Absolutely no thinking even involved.

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  7. Ha! I would tell you all the ways our lives are similar today, but I'm just going to copy this post and call it my own tomorrow.
    I won't even bother changing the kids' names.

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  8. I love this! It's a crazy life we lead, but wouldn't want it any other way!

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  9. Now you know how I feel.Back in October for two weeks we did a "capacity audit" aka write down every single thing you do all day the time and how long it took and if you finished such task and who you handed it off too...omg i think i spent at least an hour if not 2-3 hours a day filling out the stupid spreadsheet!! EVERYONE was extremely thrilled when those 2 weeks were over!!

    P.S. Now I want waffles...I was never a cereal kid. No joke we used to like cereal for the fun games on the boxes and we'd look at them so we could hide from each other and not have to talk at breakfast...we're not morning people hahaha

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  10. Very fun and crazy! Wonderful!
    We all have the holiday "hangover" today and that includes the state of the house!

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  11. This makes me tired, and feel a bit bad for the amount of complaining I did when my 20 month old decided to #2 on our hallway floor, whilst his 6 month old brother was FREAKING out for a bottle. Um, dude. your life is way harder than mine :)

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    Replies
    1. There is NOTHING worse than poop on the floor. Nothing! You win parenting today.

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  12. Hahaha I love this post.

    Solidarity.

    Also, I'm cursing Downton Abbey today too. I, like you, started it at midnight. Now I'm washing a ton of laundry, hoping that I can watch it again while I fold.

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    Replies
    1. Honey, you KNOW das right!

      I am seriously so glad I'm not the only foolish person who did this no sleeping thing last night. Oy.

      Delete
  13. All I'll say is that you may curse the gods of Downton, but you KNOW it was totally worth it!!

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  14. Wow! I think you just scared the ....... Out of me! No kids yet!..this post is REALITY! You amaze me! I found a new respect for home schooling moms! I had no idea! Great post...

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  15. Marie Siobhan GallagherJanuary 7, 2013 at 11:11 PM

    I think I was doing the same thing as you at 11:52 a.m.! And I'll probably not dust tomorrow either. Been practicing my Dowager Countess, "Nothing succeeds like excess!"

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  16. I am floored by your ability to take note of all of this! Floored, I say!

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  17. We didn't get eggs for most of November and December. Then 2 chickens died and the other 4 must have gotten scared and we've averaged 2 eggs/day for the past couple weeks.

    I have somehow held back and not watched Downton yet (DVR, you better have functioned properly!) because Sunday nights are just too crazy with the school-preparing plus my work-from-home job actually has me working multiple hours a day this week. Then today finishing "Gregor the Overlander" won.

    I'm glad someone else starts schooling at 10ish. I was super proud of myself for starting by 9:30 today, knowing we had to be out of the house from 10:15-11:30 and the morning would mostly be shot.

    It was fun to read!

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  18. Do you think it's kind of hilarious that you thought you would look like a lazy loser if you made this list, and then you listed doing so. much. stuff. that I just keeled over and died reading it because of what a lazy loser you make ME look like?

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  19. You need your own super hero cape and action figure.

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  20. You're right: I can't read a whole one of these. To be entirely honest, I'm not a natural kid-lover (I know- everyone scream and lash me with your rosaries) so I don't try to egg myself on with oh-my-gosh-these-kids-are-flinging-poop posts. The older I get, the more open I am to homeschooling, though.

    Also, you said "LAWDY, LAWDY," so this makes us great friends, whether you like it or not. That is maybe my favorite thing to say, period.

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  21. probably one of my favorite posts!! - I thought my fav pic was the babe under the tree THEN I saw the meltdown of the toddler with the ever famous "oh" of the brother in the background - please tell me you have made that into an 8x10 and have hung it up - also, you never told us if Paul got his wish and you made gigantic pizzas for the penguins that might come over - love this! - jen

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  22. I'm about to change your sweet potato loving life. Bake them! No peeling, no chopping. Wrap them in foil (no need to poke holes) and throw them in a 400 degree oven until they can be completely squished by your hand in an oven mit (1-2 hours ish). The peeling comes off effortlessly. They taste waaaay better. They mash up for puree in seconds. Add butter and cinnamon and you've got yourself a yummy side. And you can do like 20 at a time and keep them in the fridge and just reheat in the microwave.

    But put a pan down or they will leak all over your oven.

    I love sweet potatoes even more now.

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  23. My sister (piercedhands.com) told me I needed to read your blog and she's so right! It's good to see that homeschooling is possible even with babies crawling around - we haven't started anything formal yet because mine are 3.5, (almost) 2, 8 weeks, and 8 weeks and I know it's going to be nuts when we finally have to use a real curriculum...

    Also, our tree is still up (hubby wants to keep it up until Candlemas...) and I just found out that my kids have been "decorating" it with any stray hairs they find on the floor. So yeah, you might want to get rid of yours before that happens.

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  24. You survived. I'm so glad. And all your kids did, too. If no one died and nothing burned down, it's a success - Monday is defeated! (Not that other days can't be just as hectic as this one was, but seriously, doesn't it make it worse when it's a Monday? Evil, I tell you.)

    Thanks for writing it down.

    ReplyDelete

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