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Friday, May 31, 2013

Still pregnant and thankful

This is not my favorite kind of post to write.  The only reason I MUST is because it's one of those things....well, it's what my life has suddenly become about, so if I don't tell you, I have nothing at all to tell you.  Does that make sense?

Burdening people, sharing sorrow- it's doesn't come naturally to me.  I just like to make people's lives better, you know?  But here goes.

Today, I am thankful to still be pregnant.  If I am still pregnant tomorrow, I will be even more thankful still.

Yesterday afternoon we had to race to yet another unexpected squeeze-us-in appointment at the ob's office because all of a sudden there was fluid.  A lot of fluid.  Not blood (praise God!) but just....water.  And even though I've had my share of babies in the past, it didn't occur to me at first what it might be because my water has never, ever broken before I am actually pushing baby out.  Membranes of steel!  But then it hit me what it must be and oh, it was a sad, horrible moment.

Today I am 15 weeks pregnant.  At the appointment we saw a big healthy placenta, a big healthy baby, a big healthy heartbeat.  What we did not see is any fluid around the baby.  What little there had been was gone, caused by an unanticipated tear or a hole in the amniotic sac, also attributed to the evil subchorionic hematomas.  Ugh!  My poor, tiny, helpless baby!

That's all I can think about.  There he or she is, so peaceful, unaware of any imminent danger.  Here I am, unable to do anything to fix it, to keep him or her safe.  I'm powerless.  The baby is helpless.  And so we wait.  We wait and we pray.

The best case scenario is that the tear heals itself quickly, the fluid replenishes itself quickly, and baby's lungs get big and healthy quickly.  And now that I know my membranes are extremely weak this time around, I've suddenly been on a mission to eat and supplement as much as I can to strengthen them.  Honestly, I don't know if any of it works.  But I know it's not going to make things worse, so I'm willing to try it.  Extra vitamin C, extra protein, bone broth, things with gelatin.  Plus lots of fluids to replenish the fluids.  Because if it tore once (when baby is not even big enough to really strike against it), it can tear again.  And I just can't....I don't want to think about it.  We can only take it day by day.

Today I am thankful that baby is still with us.  In six days we'll have another ultrasound to check on the fluid.  Between now and then I will think about little else.   Pray with me, please.


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161 comments:

  1. praying praying praying, Dweej!!!

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  2. Keeping you in my prayers! St. Gianna, Pray for Dwija and her baby!!

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  3. praying for you...this is awful- would bed rest help a little?

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  4. Oh Dweej. Praying right now.

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  5. Praying for you and your family!

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  6. You got it. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, sweet friend.

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  7. I know how awful it is to sit and wait, to be unsure about the life and health of your unborn child. I pray that God give you peace of mind and heart, that your body can heal and that your precious little one will thrive.
    St. Gerard, St. Gianna, and Our Lady of Guadalupe, please intercede on behalf of Dwija and her baby!

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  8. Oh, Dwija. Praying so hard for you and the baby. I pray the hole can repair itself and the fluid replenish quickly.

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  9. Oh, I WILL pray! Count on it. God bless you.

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  10. Definitely praying for you and baby! I'll say a novena to St. Gerard Majella, who's a patron of expectant mothers. That covers the next 6 days nicely.

    St Gianna and St Gerard Majella, intercede for Dwija, please!

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  11. Praying for you, Dwija, and your sweet baby.

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  12. Baby Jesus, who baptized John the Baptist in the womb, help & heal Dweej's baby on this great feastday!

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  13. Much love and prayers to St. Gerard (http://lordcalls.com/prayers-to-saints/novena-to-st-gerard_

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  14. Yes, Dwija, I will pray with you, we will all pray with you. God bless you and your sweet littlest baby, may Our Lady protect you and hold you in her sweet arms as you wait.

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  15. Prayers for you and your baby!

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  16. Oh Dwija, praying hard for you and your little one.

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  17. Hi Dweej,

    I discovered your site a month or two ago and have enjoyed your adventures and your sense of humor. Reading this broke my heart though. I had bleeding with my first son and was rear ended while pregnant with my second, and I was an emotional wreck thinking I might lose my baby... it's the most awful feeling! Fortunately both boys are here and healthy, and I will pray that you are able to hold a healthy little one in the future after a nice long pregnancy!

    Jennifer @ Little Silly Goose (www.littlesillygoose.com)

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  18. Praying heartfelt prayers and sending love. St. Gianna, pray for Dwija and her baby.

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  19. You got it, Mrs. Dweej. Prayers coming your way. <3

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  20. our little family will be praying for yours.

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  21. Praying for you and the baby.

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  22. Praying for you and that precious little one!!

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  23. Oh we're praying praying for you here in Florida. My mom's praying too. Love to you and that little baby.

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  24. I am so sorry. I am praying for you and baby.

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  25. Prayers for you and your little one!

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  26. Many, many prayers for you and baby!

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  27. The girls and I just stopped and prayed, we will be praying and thinking of you, Dweej!

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  28. Praying for you and your baby hardcore.

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  29. Dwija, Many prayers for you and your baby from me here in Florida. May St. Gerard, St. Gianna, your Guardian angel and our Blessed Mother, wrap themselves in protection around you both.

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  30. Will absolutely be praying for you. I had a friend with PPROM and through good nutrition and strict bed rest delivered a healthy beautiful guy at 36 weeks. I pray your outcome is similar. Regenerate fluid!!

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  31. Praying for you and your sweet baby!

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  32. Oh, Dwija, I am tearing up reading this. I will pray for you and your precious baby. Hang in there. Praying, praying, praying.

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  33. Praying for you and your baby. I had preterm labor and strict bedrest last year, it can be so overwhelming when your baby's in danger. Hang in there, Dweej.

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  34. Praying for baby, for you and for your family!!!

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  35. Dweej - praying for you right now. Asking for St. Gianna to intercede for you and the baby.

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  36. Always in my thoughts and prayers

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  37. Always in my thoughts and prayers

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  38. Many, many, many prayers for you and that sweet little one of yours!!!!!

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  39. prayers upon prayers upon prayers

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  40. Oh! I will be praying for you and your little one!!

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  41. Lots and lots and lots of prayers...

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  42. I found this post via a prayer request on Twitter. Oh dear woman, I will pray for you and your baby. St. Catherine, pray for us. Mary, Mother of God, pray for us. Father God, please protect this mother and her child.

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  43. Praying for your peace and strong membranes!

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  44. Praying to St. Gerard for you and your baby.

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  45. Offering prayers for you, and asking St Gerard to look after you.

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  46. Offering prayers for you, and asking St Gerard to look after you.

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  47. Praying.
    (My first baby we had many early scares with a the dreaded SCH nonsense. Miraculously they did resolve, without any explanation, around 20 weeks.)

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  48. So so so many prayers going up for you and that sweet little one!

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  49. Oh dear! Praying! Hang in there... I know at my former OB practice a woman's water broke way too early but they prayed and roughed it out long enough and her baby was okay. It can happen.

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  50. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. You will certainly be in my prayers. Take courage!

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  51. Praying for you Dweej and sending lots of hugs across the miles.

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  52. Oh, gosh, Dwija, I am so sorry that you and your baby are going through this. Many prayers coming your way!

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  53. Prayed right away and will continue. From all these comments, take hope that there's an army lifting you before the throne of grace.

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  54. I'm praying for you and baby!

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  55. Praying for you and the little babe and your whole family. Praying for peace!!!!!

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  56. PRaying for you and this baby. I know that horrible stage of uncertainty, but you are in the right frame of mind; asking for prayers, resting and hydrating.

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  57. Oh, Dwija. A gazillion prayers for you and your sweet baby.

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  58. Oh so praying for you and your family,Please some peace for all of you.

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  59. Praying for you, baby, and family!

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  60. Praying for you and your baby!!!

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  61. Praying on this Feast of the Visitation!

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  62. Oh, Dweej! I am so sorry. I'm actually headed out to adoration right now and am so glad I saw this. You and babe are coming with me. I hope you're getting a ton of rest. Okay, this might be completely off the wall but I remember the nurse at my doctor's office the first time around saying that aluminum (like in deodorant and possibly cooking ware) weakened membranes. I have know idea if it's true but it's stuck with me.

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  63. praying, praying, praying! Calling on the Blessed Mother, St. Anne, St. Gerard, St. Margaret, St. Gianna, and all the intercessory big guns for babies and mamas! Please, please intercede for Dwija and her baby, in Jesus' name, Amen.

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  64. You are in my prayers in a special way...

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  65. Joining you in prayer for this little life. Lord, hold baby in the palm of Your hand!

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  66. Jesus, who also lost blood and water, is with you in this, Dwija and Tommy. And I am holding you in prayer.

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  67. Many prayers for you, Dwija!!!

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  68. Thanks be to God your baby is alive.
    What a nightmare for you all to be living through. Many prayers indeed.

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  69. Praying. Thank you for letting us know even though you don't like to do this kind of thing. We want you to tell us when we can pray for you!

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  70. My prayers are with you!!!

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  71. Praying for you! St. Gerard and St. Gianna!

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  72. Praying for you, your precious baby, and your family!

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  73. Praying hard for your baby, you and your family.

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  74. Oh, Lord have mercy. I will pray, pray, pray.

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  75. Will pray again tonight at Adoration. St Gerard Majella, come to Dwija's and baby's aid. Love you Dwija!

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  76. Adding my name to the list! Prayers for peace and healing coming your way! May God hold you and your baby tenderly in His hands over the next few days.

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  77. Praying for you and your baby

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  78. Please know they my family will offer you and your sweet little one up in prayer during our family prayers. St Gianna, St Gerard pray for this little one and his/her mother. Healing and grace upon them please God.

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  79. Please know they my family will offer you and your sweet little one up in prayer during our family prayers. St Gianna, St Gerard pray for this little one and his/her mother. Healing and grace upon them please God.

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  80. Oh, mama! My heart breaks for what you are going through! Praying like crazy for you and baby and your whole family....

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  81. Prayers for you and your wee one. May God hold you both on the palm of His hand!

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  82. Prayers for you and baby. St. Gianna, pray for them!!!! You probably knew this and maybe it was mentioned already but one of the miracles attributed to St. Gianna's intercession for her canonization was a women who lost all her amniotic fluid at I believe 4 months and she was able to carry the baby to term. That baby was a little girl and she was at the canonization Mass for St. Gianna.

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  83. Oh my gosh, Dwija! I'm so sorry to hear you are all going through this and yes, please be assured we will be praying. Until then, a huge kiss and hug across the miles. xoxoxo

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  84. Oh! Love and prayers and hugs, dearie!!

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  85. Praying Dwija! I saw Cari's first quick take and hadn't been online all day and my stomach did a flip flop for you. Storming heaven with prayers.

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  86. Oh my sweet Dwija!! know that Courtney and I are praying for you and your sweet little angel. Praying hard my friend. Hugs from VA!!

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  87. Oh sweet virgin Mary, on this, the day of your Visitation, please intercede with your beloved son and provide Dwija and her baby protection and healing.

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  88. Why don't they have you on bedrest? My water broke at 32 weeks, with my first. I was in labor, but then it stopped (thank goodness, he was transverse and they were prepping me for a c-section) I was in the hospital for 28 days,flat on my back, only getting up to go potty and a quick nurse assisted shower. He made it to 35 weeks and they then induced him and the rest is history. (he did come via c-section though in the end) Just wanted you to know, I understand, a little. I was much further along. My last baby was delivered 5 weeks early also because of no fluid. Thank God that fluid keeps on producing itself.

    You and that sweet baby are in my prayers.

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  89. Gathering my family to pray for you! Praying for extra guidance from Our Lady...

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  90. Our family is praying for you and your little one

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  91. St. Gianna St. Gerard, pray for us! Pray for you!

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  92. oh Lord hear our prayers, in his name I pray for peace and comfort and a mighty healing. I pray for protection now and in the coming days. hugs and prayers, C

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  93. Praying for you and your sweet little one! Jesus I trust in you!

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  94. Just prayed my heart out for you and baby Dwija!!!!!!!!

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  95. Our family will be praying for you and yours.

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  96. Oh how scary!! Prayers for you and a quick-healing tear! <3

    Jamie

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  97. Prayers and strength for you, your family and your sweet baby!

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  98. Many prayers and blessings for you and your sweet baby. May you be surrounded by peace and protection.
    -Jaime

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  99. I'm praying, too. Lots of memorares.

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  100. Oh Dweej. Sending you and babe so much love.

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  101. Big hugs and lots of prayers for you and baby, Dweej. -Nina

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  102. I'm praying for you now.

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  103. Praying - I have been there too (18 and 20 weeks)- St. Gianna, pray for this mother and baby

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  104. I'm praying hard for you both. I don't know how, but I pray you can keep a strong heart while you wait for your next ultrasound. God bless you, Dweej and Dweejkin!

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  105. Joining all the others and PRAYING!

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  106. Dwija, oh praying hard,{{}}

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  107. So sorry, will definitely be praying for you all.

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  108. Posting again to let you know I've been thinking of you so much. Our family was praying for you and your sweet baby at Mass tonight as well as during the rosary. We will continue to pray until we hear from you. Much love Dwij.

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  109. God Bless you and your sweet baby. May he send healing to the membranes and wash your little one in healthy waters. No matter what the docs say I would keep up with the prayer, healthy diet and if they haven't already, put yourself on bed rest. It can only help the healing process. I know the feeling of waiting and hoping for the best but those awful thoughts inevitably creep in. I say pray for positive thoughts all around. Positivity does wonders <3

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  110. I adore your blog...
    Will pray to St. Gianna on your behalf... who interceded in a case very similar to yours!
    http://www.stgiannaphysicians.org/her_life/canonization_miracles/

    We also have acquaintances who had the same situation as you and their baby was born healthy- now 5 years old.

    Will keep you in prayer in a special way as I am 28 weeks along with our first baby.

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  111. Oh my goodness, lots of prayers coming your way. Esp. on this feast of Corpus Christi - as Christ chose to take on flesh and come to us as a baby, may he protect and sustain your little one through this difficulty!

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  112. Oh wow. best of luck for you and your baby. I cannot imagine how difficult this waiting is. I had a hard time with it for each of my pregnancies because I felt so helpless. You are doing what you can, there is nothing more you can do. I am hoping the very best for you!

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  113. I am praying, praying, praying for you! God is good always and in all ways. He has a plan for you and I am praying that you can be one of those amazing, miraculous, unbelievable stories that leave everyone knowing there can be no explanation but His amazing presence in this world. I am sending you a giant virtual hug! God bless you, Dweej!

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  114. Sending good thoughts to all of you.

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  115. Praying for you and the little one.

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  116. So many prayers coming your way for all of you!

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  117. I will offer up my pain for you and your little one. Our Lord is awesome. Keep praising Him and telling your baby that he's in God's hands - always, and that God has plenty of work for him to do on earth!

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