Monday, June 17, 2013

17 week update (with photo!)

A black winged bird with a colorful breast and tail- not a robin, not a red-winged blackbird- hopped into the water table under the tall spruce tree in the front yard.  The picture windows, damaged, drafty, beautiful, are a treasure I'm only starting to truly appreciate.  Every season, every day, offers some new scene, some new bird, some new flower to pique my interest and entertain, as I spend more time than I ever wanted to sitting, reclining, lying.  Maybe one day I'll be one of those interesting people that knows the names of all the birds and plants and when they'll arrive and what it must be like outside for them to appear.

*

Maybe you'll know what I'm saying when I tell you this.  Like maybe this happened to you before your wedding or when you were pregnant or maybe it's happening to you right now.  I see a date..."Oh!  Downton Abbey is coming back in January!" and my first thought is "this will be over by then." In the past it would have been "I'll be nursing a newborn while I watch those new episodes."  This time it's "I hope I'm nursing a newborn while I watch those episodes."  Then: taking it all for granted.  Now: praying for the unremarkable.

*

I went for over 30 hours without any leaking.  I started rehearsing my gratitude speech.  You know, the one I was going to give when we go to the perinatologist's office on the 25th and he does the ultrasound and he says "Well, not only do you have ample fluid, I see no evidence of any subchorionic hematomas!"  He would ask me all about how I did it and write down my flawless advice.  I'd be crying of course, but some kind of beautiful movie cry where you can still talk and be poised and lovely so as not to ruin the moment.  Then the fluid leaked again after all, and I cried the real kind of cry.  The only one I know how to cry.

*

Would it be a mistake to order a fetal heart doppler off of ebay?  Would I sit here and obsessively search for his or her heartbeat?  If I did, would that be such a bad thing?  If I couldn't find it for a while, would I panic? Would it be worth it anyway?

*

Mostly I'm not a freaking out basket-case, I swear.  Mostly I can compartmentalize and realize things are out of my hands and worry about my already-born children and all the good and crazy things that go along with that.  And we have so many loving and lovely friends, always willing to help, to bring a meal, to tell a funny joke or a good story.  We are so, so blessed.

*

Oh, before it gets too long ago, we can do a little 16 week belly compare (a three out of six baby tradition now!)

There's my 16 week Cecilia belly on the left (I was in really good shape when I got pregnant with her) and my 16 week Mary belly on the right:


Now for my wet-haired, no-makeupped 16 week belly with new baby whose gender, therefore name, is as yet unknown:

I was so not ready for this photo to be taken.  I swear I'm not always scowling like this!
Since both of those top ones were girls, I'm gonna guess you just can't tell gender by my belly shape.  Lame!

As of today, I'm 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant and my next task is writing a list of questions to ask the specialist next Tuesday.  Oy.  Hope I don't scare him with the 23 volume tome I'm sure to bring to the appointment...

post signature
Pin It

38 comments :

  1. You've made it this far!! We'll continue to pray u through this pregnancy!! On a less weighty note, I heart the mustard shorts!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would say do NOT get doppler now...maybe at 24+weeks...
    take it easy!

    ReplyDelete
  3. No on the Doppler. It's harder to find hb than you think, and it'll just worry you.

    Praying hard for you and sweet baby.

    ReplyDelete
  4. re: the doppler...I rented one for my next pregnancy after a 12-week loss...every morning I'd get up, listen to her heartbeat, then go on with my day. I kept it until I could feel her move on a regular basis. For me, it was a good experience...I just didn't want to be absolutely blindsighted by something being wrong, like I was with my lost baby. If you think it won't make you crazy, I say go for it :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. 17 weeks is so much better than 15 weeks. Cheering you on!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Praying for you! You are so brave and so wonderful to share all of this with the world.

    -Lacy

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're so beautiful and that precious little one is so blessed to have you and your love surrounding him/her right now and forever. No matter what happens, that is a good and beautiful thing. And I pray that when Downton Abbey begins again we will be able to look at a sweet pic of you and baby snuggling on the couch with a cup of tea. Much love to you and yours!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Praying for you still! And thank you so much for the update! We're all praying for more good news!

    ReplyDelete
  9. His job is to answer your boatload of questions. Do not for one moment apologize!! You would rather get your information from your specialist doctor than Dr. Google or some random on the street. (Or apparently your old Dr.) Be as informed as possible so you can be your own best advocate!!!! And I personally would get a doppler, but I'd always rather know, even if it was sad news. I would be wreck with my high hopes going to a normal appointment and not finding a heartbeat.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Still praying! Ask God about the doppler. He'll give you a peace one way or the other.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Definitely still praying for you and baby!

    ReplyDelete
  12. YAY! Love the comment above - agree- 17 is so much better than 15. Your observations are beautiful (windows etc). Also like Katilin's answer about the doppler - clutch. God is certainly doing something in and through you in this...you are responding beautifully and becoming an even more deeply grounded momma, capable of receiving and sharing His love.

    rock on Dwija.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dwija you're doing so awesome! You look beautiful by the way. Still praying for you guys. I hope some mad saintly intercession is happening right now!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Praying for you and you look great through it all! I bought a doppler at like seven months with my third b/c he wasn't a big mover and I didn't want to worry all the time. With number four, I started hearing the heartbeat about nine weeks and kept it up fairly steadily through about 20 weeks. This baby moves so much that I've barely used it at all since then, but it's still nice to have and the bigger children love it! I wonder if it would be harder to hear your sweet little one's heartbeat b/c of the lack of fluid? That would be my only worry. Otherwise, I would say go for it for your own peace of mind and as a way to draw the other children in to the miracle of this child and the little heart beating away inside of you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hang in there lovely lady! We are storming heaven with prayers for you and your little sweetie!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm sorry you had to cry that kind of cry :( But hey, know that we're praying for you and your sweet baby.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No matter what you do with the doppler maybe you could record the heartbeat during the next appointment and listen to it whenever you want or need to. Maybe you could set it as a ring on your phone?

    As far as your comment about taking the future for granted - I could relate to that. Except after my experiences I do not anticipate things going well but another stillborn. Our baby has godparents but I picture them having a special role at the funeral Mass, not at the Baptism. Maybe that's crazy but it's probably normal for mothers who have had traumatic birth experiences.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sorry to be a blog follower whose first comment says this, but: To be honest about the doppler, I would not recommend one unless your doctor agreed to write you a prescription for one. They use high frequency sound waves like ultrasound and there is published research about what waves at that frequency does to cells. -impacts neuronal migration, damages cells, increases the rate of intrauterine growth restriction, increases left handedness (which is apparently a sign of brain damage when not genetic (I'm also left handed)), autism, and delayed speech are the most widely published. There are likely even more risks we are not aware of that haven't been studied or published as medically significant even though they are. Now, with that said, doppler is not the same as ultrasound but they are both regulated and not supposed to available on public market. Although, I actually have a doppler in my home (but I'm an OB nurse and I'm experienced in using one). I did buy one off the internet during my first pregnancy because I was so afraid having had frequent bleeding in the first trimester. Having it made me feel safe. Soon you will feel baby move which is a much better indicator. I understand the reassurance that would come from having both movement and a heartbeat, but if you can't find the heartbeat and baby is just having a quiet movement day, would you really worry less? Like Kaitlin said, Pray to God. God is with you, trust Him. I'm praying for you, Baby, and all those who love Baby as much as you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wishing you the best of luck at your next appointment!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Whew! Thanks for the update. That was a long weekend! We're praying all the time!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. We're still praying for "mom's friend's baby" every morning!!! I'm so thankful for your updates because you're constantly on my mind. Now go lay down :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thanks for keeping us posted, Dwija. I cannot imagine what type of basket case I'd be and fretting. I'm sure it took a lot just to give us the update and put into 'writing' all you are feeling. Thinking of you and praying often. As always, you look beautiful. Thanks for giving us a baby shot photo too :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Keeping you and your precious baby in my prayers! Thank you for updating us!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Am praying for that phenomenal belly and all that it implies. PM

    ReplyDelete
  25. What a sweet baby belly! I always just get fat all over. I'm praying for you and your baby every single day.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Still praying for you each and every day. If you need me to come over to play with your kiddos for a while, please let me know!!

    And, no to the doppler. Those things are finicky and you don't want more stress :)

    Annnd I always do the "this will be over by then" thing. I do it a lot with expiration dates on food!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am praying for you and your baby. I don't know what else to say, but I want you to know that I am. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Have been praying so hard for you, I am 15 weeks and I have a hard time even trying to grasp what you go through every day. That said I would try to stick it out without the Doppler, since it's exposure to high frequencies. My attitudes with ultrasounds is sort of like x rays, they make great diagnostic tools when there's an indication, but it's not something I would want to expose myself or my child to more than necessary. But that is a great question to ask your specialist, and take your peace of mind into account, too.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I admire your courage so, so much! I'd be a wreck.

    (Also, your 16 week picture with Cecilia made me feel better--I'm 17 weeks, with my first, and that's about how big I am. I worry about not showing more, but then, I worry about everything.)

    We're praying for you, for baby, and that your specialist visit goes well!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus: I continue to pray for you and your precious baby. I admire your tenacity and your openness; you are clearly a wonderful advocate for your child. May God bless you and bring that baby safely into your arms!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yay for 17 weeks! Yay you! Yay baby! Yay your family! And most of all, YAY GOD!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Still praying for you! Your baby is so precious.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm subscribed to get your blog through my email and you know how when you were a kid and you were waiting for an "important" phone call so you would pick up the phone a hundred times just to make sure it was working? Well, that's what I've been doing with your blog. "Hm, no update in my inbox, let me just click over to her blog to make sure she hasn't updated and for some reason my inbox is broken and I missed it."

    Um, can you tell you all are on my mind? Which only means lots of prayers coming your way!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Me too. Praying, and full of hope, Dwija.

    ReplyDelete
  35. You look beautiful Dweej, and this touched my heart, so I know it's not just on the outside. Still praying super duper hard for you and Baby B. (B for Boy or Borobia... will we find out sooner or later?)

    ReplyDelete
  36. you look so beautiful! Still praying for you and baby!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...