Thursday, June 06, 2013

Update after today's ultrasound

Okay, we're back from our ultrasound appointment and I know so many have been praying tirelessly for us that I need to give you an update right away.

So, basically there has been no change.  The amniotic sac has not healed, so I continue to leak whatever new fluid is created.  But the baby- the baby has a strong heartbeat and a perfect placenta and has grown properly since last week, which was, to be totally honest, a surprise to the doctor.  Normally with a rupture this early, a miscarriage follows shortly thereafter.  But it hasn't.  So that's good.

What's not good is that baby needs amniotic fluid for proper development.  The fluid gives baby the ability to move and stretch, helping to develop his or her joints properly.  In addition, even though the baby doesn't breathe yet per se, he or she is supposed to be aspirating the amniotic fluid, which is essential for proper lung development.  So the importance of the fluid is twofold and it just isn't there.  My body creates it and then approximately once a day it leaks back out.

Do I sound calm?  When you're reading this, how do you picture me?  Do you picture me sobbing with tears running down both cheeks, barely able to see the words on the screen through the mess I'm making all over my face?  If so, then good.  Because I am not calm.  I am a wreck.  It is a horrible, horrible, awful, terrible moment for an ob to offer you the option to terminate your pregnancy.  HORRIBLE.  There's a perfectly healthy baby there with a heartbeat and a brain and everything.  "Would you like to just put this whole business behind you? Because you can."  No.  No I would not like to.

You know what else is horrible?  Being told that the statistics are so against us.  This doctor has never seen ruptured membranes at 15 weeks result in a born-alive baby when the amniotic sac didn't heal again.  The closest happy-ending story features a 19 week rupture with baby born at 28 weeks.

So we're being referred to a perinatologist so we can hear more about the struggles ahead and the impossibility of our situation and I'm sure it's going to be swell.

You guys, so often when I pray, I pray for the peace and strength to accept God's will.  He knows what I wish would happen, so often prayer is as much, or more, for me than it is for Him anyway.  But not this time.  No.  This time I just want my baby to live.  I don't want to say goodbye so soon.  I don't want to have to tell my older kids, who are already so in love with their new sibling, that he or she has already gone home to Jesus.  I don't want it.  I can't want it.  I can't bring myself to pray for the peace and strength to endure that.

I just want my baby to live

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272 comments :

  1. You pray for that little one to hold on! Let us pray for the peace and strength for you.

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    1. Yes! Charlotte took the words right out of my mouth. God love you Dwija. God love you both.

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  2. Oh, Dwija. I'll continue to pray. I'm so, so sorry the news wasn't better. I really, really hope that you and your little one will defy the odds and be a new standard in the text books. I'm crying for you right now.

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  3. I am heading to Mass right now to pray.

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  4. These posts have been so heart-wrenching. I ache for you and your sweet baby. Praying so hard for you, your little one, your husband, and your children.

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  5. I'm praying with you, praying for your baby to live, and that yours becomes the happy ending story that the doctor can share with others in the future.

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  6. Prayers for you. The perinatologist will do everything possible to save your baby!

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  7. So, so sorry to hear this. I am praying for you right now and will continue to do so every day.

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  8. My friend had a 18 weeks PPROM and gave birth at 35 weeks. Happier story. I will be praying with every fiber of my being, I love that sweet baby of yours already too. One day at a time!

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  9. Dear Mother Mary, please be with Dwija. I offer up my days for you in prayer for your little one. Lord, have mercy.

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  10. Storming heaven with prayers for you, your baby, your family, and esp. the doctors. God is with you!

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  11. Dwija you're the best mom. I just love your love for your babies. Shame on that doctor for compounding your grief by being such an ass. Tuck that justifiable rage away into your mama bear arsenal and keep fighting. I am praying for you and for your little sweetheart.

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    1. I´m with Jenny, shame on the doctor and everything else she said. Is there still a chance that the sac will heal? And of course, continuing to pray for your precious baby.

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  12. Praying to beat all odds! And most of all for your heart, to be ready for whatever is next! Thank you for allowing us to pray alongside your family!

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  13. Praying for you, Dwija. I wish I could give you a big hug.

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  14. Offering up all my pregnancy sickness for your precious one. We WILL pray for a miracle for your baby. God is close to you now, I promise.

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  15. Praying, praying, praying! And thank you for taking the time to update us.

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  16. Believe me, D, that wouldn't "just put all this behind you." I know you know that! I'm going to forward this post to 15 priests & ask them to offer their Mass so that the amniotic fluid would seal up. Don't give up.

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  17. Be healed in the name of Jesus! I am so sorry for the heartache your are experiencing. God is good and He loves that baby more than you do, Praying for your whole family!

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  18. Crying with you, praying for you and feeling helpless.

    Many hugs, my friend.

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  19. I'm sitting here nursing my 6-week-old, tears in my eyes, praying praying praying that later this year you will be holding yours. Love & hugs & prayers for you, your little one & your family.

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    1. Also - my mom always told me that the prayers of children are special. I managed to sit my littles down for a decade of the rosary just for you and your baby. I hope you can feel the grace He is pouring down on you!

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  20. Dwija we will be storming heaven with prayers for you and your little one. God bless and heal you.

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  21. My heart is breaking for you... Having had our last three pregnancies 3 miscarriages in the last year, I don't know what to say except that I totally understand your prayer! WE need to ask for what we want! God can do anything! I'll be praying your baby stays safe!

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  22. Sending prayers and love your way. St. Gianna, pray for this mama and baby.

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  23. Yes, and did the doctor tell you how man people took him up on his offer and never gave the baby or the woman's body a chance? No. So his statistics are skewed at best. And that's why you are here doing what you are doing. Praying for you every day.

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  24. Still praying. For a miracle, and for peace for you and your family.

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  25. Oh Dweej...I'm sitting here crying with you. Know that we pray for you, and Gianna and I will be better about storming heaving with the help of her namesake. And for goodness sakes, how amazing are you that you think about all of us who are wondering how you are doing? Through the tears, heartache and fear, and I'm guessing maybe a little anger, you still are thinking of everyone else. That is a pretty remarkable thing. Praying your little one gets to know his momma on this side of heaven and enjoy your family for a long, long time.

    May St. Gianna, St. Gerald, Blessed John Paul, and every last blessed saint in heaven and the angels too, pray for you!

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  26. You pray for exactly what your heart desires, because God wants to hear it. The rest of us will pray for Him to wrap you in his loving arms and give you and your baby what you need to live or to deal. You and your family are a witness to the beauty and the struggle and the sanctity of life. Thank you thank you!

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  27. Lifting you up now in strong fervent full-of-love prayers. What a day for you. and what a thing to hear from your doctor, when you're rightly full of hope and love for your tiny child. May the Lord have mercy on him, and I hope the look on your face will make him think.

    God knows your heart. Pray as it leads you. I have had prayers like those before. Prayers for a baby you just can't protect.

    "Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face." Job 13:15

    all my love to you.

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  28. Dweej - so, so sorry to hear all of this. So sorry that a doctor would ask you that question. So sorry that you didn't get good news today. But I'm leaping with gladness that your sweet baby is still alive and looking healthy. Because in that news, there is hope. So I will keep praying for you and the baby, and for God to create a healing miracle. Just looking at all these comments tells me that you are surrounded and covered by prayer, and I hope you feel that love even in the midst of your sorrow.

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  29. God bless you, Dweej. You, your sweet baby, and your beautiful family. Praying.

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  30. Prayers: for the closing of the tear, for peace, for courage ~ for you, your intentions and your family!

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  31. Praying for you and your little one!

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  32. We've been praying for you and your littlest one and will keep at it. God bless you both!

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  33. We are praying. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

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  34. Thank you for the update, Dwija. I was minding the clock today and praying for you during your appointment. I am SO glad your baby is alive and well and that you and Tommy are protecting your little one and surrounding him/her with such love. What a blessed little one.

    Prayers and support for you and your family and for a healthy womb and full-term baby.

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  35. Let me give you some hope:

    The perinatologist has an interest in keeping you both alive. They're OB's who take on the high-risk "interesting" cases and in the case of mine, they have *fabulous* people skills and bedside manner because they have to in dealing with pregnant mamas. There's a chance that your baby might not go full-term but they'll do everything they can to keep them in as long as possible. They also tend to think "out of the box" better than most OB's and can probably come up with a solution that hasn't occurred to your OB.

    *hugs* Will pray for you. And please feel free to cry as much as you need to -- crying will get the yuck out.

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  36. Praying, praying praying! I wish I could give you a big hug right now!

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  37. I am coming out of lurkdom to say you and your baby are in my prayers! I know that you are aware that many of the Catholic IF bloggers are patients of PP6, as I am. I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned that the cause of premature rupture of membranes is often infection. PP6 has successfully treated with iv antibiotics and the membranes have resealed. Non-napro certified doctors don't do this treatment- it is new and based on Dr. H.'s ground breaking research. They can work long distance and treat through home health care. If you would like more info please feel free to e-mail me rmcharpentier at yahoo dot com. God Bless! - Renee

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    1. I've heard of this being done here in Canada, antibiotics for PPROM.

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  38. Still praying for you! Offering up every small sacrifice for you and your precious little one. May God protect your baby!

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  39. Praying praying praying!!!

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  40. Praying for you right now, Dwija. May God keep you AND that baby strong. xoxo

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  41. Praying for you and your family.

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  43. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this. I've been praying for you and your baby constantly, and will continue to do so.

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  44. Oh Dwija. I know. I know this feeling.

    " I don't want it. I can't want it. I can't bring myself to pray for the peace and strength to endure that.

    I just want my baby to live "

    Praying for you and for baby. Praying and praying.

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  45. This breaks my heart. You and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  46. Praying fervently for you and your family, Dwija. I'm crying and hoping with my whole heart that your baby will live. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

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  47. Statistics are just that statistics. There always has to be a 1st and you and your child just might be the 1st. My friend had a baby who was born at 22 weeks gestation and was the size of a 20 week. She had really bad eclampsia and was in the hospital for 3 weeks before his birth. She went into a coma twice before he was born and He wasn't even a lb at birth. Both of them are fine now and he's a very normal 3 year old who runs, and jumps, and laughs.

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  48. Lots of thoughts and prayers!!!

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  49. Storming heaven for you Dweej!!!

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  50. Thank you for sharing, and I continue to pray.

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  51. Praying Dwija, I am so sorry. St. Gianna, pray for us!

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  52. Of course u have my thoughts and prayers....is there nothing they can do to fix the rupture....like staples, patch, surgery? Maybe there is a way you can be on an iv so u are constantly making fluid so even when it leaks its being replenished immedietly? I'm obviously not a dr but there has to be something, anything! God always provides....I hope he gives you the answers

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  53. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Many prayers.

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  54. Prayers and tears for you Dwija! I know you just want to hold your baby who you love so much. I'm so sorry your sweet family is going through this. Prayers and sacrifices for you!

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  55. I'm sending up lots of prayers for you and your sweet baby.

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  56. My husband and I are praying for you, your baby, and your family. We are praying for miracles, hope, and also the peace that passes understanding.

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  57. Dwija, we love you and we love that baby. Prayers most definitely coming your way.

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  58. I am praying. Oh, I am praying. Asking for intercessions from our own family saints too.

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  59. I can't even imagine what you are going right now. I am praying for you and your sweet baby.

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  60. We're praying for you. We'll keep praying for you.

    I believe a miracle is possible, Dwija. I believe it. I really really do.

    Praying so hard.

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  61. Oh Dwija! We are praying over here!!! Your little one is going to amaze that doctor, i just know it. HUGS!!

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  62. Praying for you, your husband and your baby, and the whole family! My sister is at FOCUS summer training and I'm passing the prayer request along to her to be shared with the missionaries, priests, and everyone else down there this month!

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  63. Be at Peace. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; The same everlasting Father who care for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. -St. Francis de Sales

    We are praying and offering Masses for you and baby.

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  64. Just saw this prayer request online....praying for all your intentions!!!

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  65. Son of a... Oh, Dweej. My heart aches with you. Praying for a miracle. Know anyone up for sainthood? How about Mother Teresa? Let's ask for her intercession and have this be the miracle that turns the world on its ear.

    And you can ask whatever you want of God. What's that quote? You honor God's greatness by asking great things of him.

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    1. I was jussst thinking the same! Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, Pierre Georgio, here's to hoping and praying!

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    2. St Gianna please intersed!

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  66. As a mother of a twenty-weeker in heaven my heart breaks for you. I very much understand the praying for peace and strength to accept God's will, it was all I could do for my unborn daughter. I had to rely on others to pray for the miracle.
    Ugh!! the dreaded "options" conversation. It's like sticking another sword in the already bleeding heart :(
    I will offer up your intentions at adoration this evening and continue to keep your family in my prayers.

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  67. Many many prayers for you! Suddenly my upcoming weekend of wisdom tooth removal and recovery seems very insignificant, but I'll be offering any and all sufferings for you and baby. St. Gianna, pray for us!

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  68. ...storming heaven for you...it's fine to pray 'God's will be done...' but remember that even JESUS asked that this cup be taken away from Him...

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  69. All the prayers! You are so strong!

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  70. Many many prayers for you and your little one, Dwija.

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  71. I'm crying with you and PRAYING! There can be a miracle. I know you're asking St. Gerard, St. Jude, St Rita, St. Gianna for their intercession. I don't know you but I will ask them too. We'll include you in our daily family rosary. My 7th child last year put me in the hospital on bed rest after I hemorrhaged...then she LIVED! I remember that fear you're having now. I remember that panic and thinking it just couldn't be that the baby would die. I'm praying not only that your little one will make it but that you will have the peace you need right now. God bless your whole beautiful family!

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  72. Many prayers! I want your baby to live too! Please God if it is Your will!

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  73. many many prayers for you, your sweet baby, your family, and the doctors.

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  74. Thanks for updating us! We are praying!

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  75. Praying for you and your sweet baby. Very sorry to hear you are having to go through this.

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  76. Praying, praying, praying for you and your little one!!! We've been praying for you two every night and will continue to do so!!! I am so sorry that you have been given such a heavy cross to carry right now, but we are praying that it will result in a happy outcome for you and your newest little one!

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  77. Oh oh, honey. I have lived this part here, and it is gut-wrenching.

    "It is a horrible, horrible, awful, terrible moment for an ob to offer you the option to terminate your pregnancy. HORRIBLE. There's a perfectly healthy baby there with a heartbeat and a brain and everything. "Would you like to just put this whole business behind you? Because you can." No. No I would not like to."

    I was offered an abortion multiple times with my third pg (my first hyperemetic pg.) And it ripped my heart out.

    We, your Catholic sisters and brothers, are surrounding you with prayer. I don't know if this helps at all, this knowledge that so many of us are holding you in our hearts, asking the Lord for love and grace and mercy and protection -- but we are. We are.

    St. Gianna, obstetrician, pediatrician, mother, lover of children, patron of pregnant women struggling with disease or calamity -- Dr. Molla, please intercede for Dwija and her unborn child to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Dr. Molla, please take this mother and child under your spiritual care and protection. Guide the hearts and minds of her doctors. Dr. Molla, please ask the Lord for the favour of sealing that tear shut. Amen.

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  78. Praying really hard for you and your sweet babe. Also, praying that your baby continues to surprise your doctor. God bless you and your family!

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  79. Thinking of you all! My sister went through something very similar with her first pregnancy and it was horrible for everyone. Prayers to you all!!

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  80. will be praying for you at home with my girls, and offering the masses from now on, until we heard from you saying that the leak has been fixed by the Plumber ;).
    The nuns from "Iesu Comunio" in Spain, once gave us this advice:
    "when you are feeling so low and bad ,that you can not pray, or you have no strenght to do so, dont worry, and rely on us, we will be praying for all of you that are in those situations, use up our prayers for your own needs"
    I though it was a great idea, and i put it too use a couple of times...
    you can try this, too.

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  81. I'm so sorry to hear that. I will continue to pray.

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  82. Dear Dwija,

    We are praying for you.

    Just don't go if they have nothing to tell you other than what they can't do. Just stay home, drink good things, and rest. What happens will happen. You will offer it up for all the babies wrenched out of their mothers' wombs before their time -- because there are so few to offer this and mean it. If your baby lives, you will be happy and if your baby doesn't live -- and we pray he does -- you will still be happy in that you love the Good God.

    Lots of love -- a BIG hug!!
    Leila

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  83. Dwija, I am so sorry. I pray you and your baby are surrounded by angels and upheld by every grace.

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  84. Praying for you, your sweet little one and your entire family during this time. What amazing strength this little one has already been given. I pray for more strength for all of you and for a healthy baby.

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  85. Your baby has already defied the odds by making it this far, and I don't see any reason why he/she could not continue to be a miracle baby (and show that doctor!). You will remain in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    Jennifer @ Little Silly Goose

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  86. Praying to Our Blessed Mother... who else could understand better than her what you are going through right now? Keep your hopes up and know you are surrounded with prayers.

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  87. My heart is breaking for you. Offering every suffering and prayer for you and your little one. How blessed he or she is to be enveloped in such love already! You are a terrific mother.

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  88. I'm sorry that this happened Dwija. I hope the best for you and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  89. My family will be lifting your little family up in prayer everyday. We'll pray especially for your precious baby!

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  90. There are no words. No good ones anyway. Praying so much for your baby. I wish God would stop allowing this kind of thing to happen. I pray He will heal, I pray He will have His loving hand on you and your child, and will protect you both. I pray He has His people around you to hold you and help you through.

    May He have mercy on you and your baby.

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  91. In my experience (as my only experience, it can be taken with a grain of salt), high risk and "better" OB's (the lovely people who go the extra mile to keep the teeny tinies with us) are waaaaay better at their people skills than the "general OB's" that see the happy, perky (healthy) pregnancies. Because of my diabetes and my myomectomy (fibroid removal) within a year, I was seen by a high risk OB. He was awesome and took better care of me than my normal doctor ever has (he put me on a more aggressive blood pressure medication after my son was born)!

    I think of you daily and have nothing but hope for your family.

    I also have a distant relative who was due the same tie I was having my baby, she delivered at 24 weeks and has a healthy (as can be with how premature he was) little boy who will be 1 next month! Every day your little one holds on is one day closer to being with you.

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  92. My first time reading this- but I am a labor doula and I am working with a client now with no amniotic fluid...at all. Baby strong heartbeat. My point being- they are finding WONDERFUL support through the ministry called Be Not Afraid. A Catholic ministry (but for anyone) to support parents through poor prenatal diagnosis. They set you up with a pregnancy photoshoot, birth pictures, help provide information and research about your baby's condition, etc. They are FANTASTIC. Check them out! God bless you!

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    1. Yes! Be Not Afraid is awesome. http://www.benotafraid.net/

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  93. Oh, my heart! Praying with you for the little life inside of you today.. that he or she would hang on and that God will see you through!

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  94. Dwija,
    Continually praying and thinking of you, all day, each day.{{{{}}}}thank you for the update. Just read Jessica's response (2 above) wow that gives wonderful hope:)

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  95. Praying so hard for you and the little one, Mrs. Dweej. <3

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  96. Being a prayer warrior for you! "For I know the plans I have for you..."

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  97. Oh Dwija. I'm so so sorry to hear this. I'm also glad you arent' here to see me bawling my eyes out for you and your sweet baby. I'm sending up so many prayers and begging for the miracle for your little one. I really also just wanna punch that ob in the face. Sorry, I just do.
    I and all of us here in the Falls house want your baby to live too. We are also praying for Tommy and your beautiful kids. Hugs and love and Hail Mary.

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  98. Dwija, I wish I could give you big hugs and help with the kids and make you ginormous pots of chicken soup. But know that we are praying for you here at Casa Bettinelli. Tomorrow I will bring you and baby with me to First Friday adoration.

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  99. Praying for a miracle for you.

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  100. Oh, Dwija....I'm so sorry it wasn't better news. I will continue to pray for you and your littlest one. Much love and hugs from Indy....

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  101. Dear Dwija,

    Am praying for you and your baby during this time of suffering.

    If it helps, I've attached a link to a story about a baby here in Maryland who survived when his mother's membranes ruptured at 13 weeks:

    http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/miracle-joey-the-boy-who-refused-to-die/

    Take care,
    Liz

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  102. I'm at fifteen weeks too, and my heart aches for you. Please know that you are in our heartfelt prayers.

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  103. Dwija, I am so happy to hear the baby is well and so unhappy to hear about the sac & fluid. I am praying and praying for you and this dear child, that God will perform a miracle and that she or he may beat the odds. And also praying that He wraps you in his unending mercy & grace during this time.

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  104. Hang on there sweetheart. I never comment, but always read. I am praying.

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  105. Oh, honey, honey, this is why you need to share your sorrow as well as your joy. Thousands of your friends and thousands of their friends are so honored that you have done so. We will share as much of your burden as we can.

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  106. Praying for you, your baby, and your whole family! I am so sorry that you heard those words from the doctor today. This baby is already so precious and so loved!

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  107. Praying so hard for you right now!! We went through a lot of what you're going through exactly one year ago. A little different.. there was no amniotic fluid, but it was because our baby had a chromosomal disorder and couldn't produce it. We had the horrible "offer" to terminate the pregnancy, we endured many gut-wrenching perinatologist appointments. We didn't get our miracle, but I pray and hope that you do!!! I also want to offer my support in any way possible. You are a much more seasoned mama than I am, but I have gone through something similar and would love to be a support for you. Please let me know if you need anything!! Questions, a shoulder to lean on, whatever. I have been reading your blog for awhile now and have so much respect for you!! Also, check out this awesome organization.. .very pro-life, http://www.prenatalpartnersforlife.org/

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  108. I am praying for complete and total healing of your amniotic sac and for a strong, healthy baby delivered at 40 weeks. I am also praying for courage, strength and peace of mind for you and your husband.

    As soon as I pray, you answer me;
    you encourage me by giving me strength. - Psalm 138:3 NLT

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  109. I am praying for you and your baby, and for your entire family. I am so sorry the doctor was so... well, words fail. Cry all you need, without apology.

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  110. How horrible for you to hear the doctor speak of your precious baby as disposable, a choice. I will be storming the heavens for a miracle for your baby and for strength for your family.

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  111. Praying hard for you and your sweet little baby.

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  112. We are just praying so much for you. can't really think to say too much else, because there aren't really good words. So many prayers. And, I guess, I just feel like the BVM is already walking with your sweet baby, and that is good.

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  113. We are praying for you and your family. Also asking St Colette to intercede for you and your baby; she is a very special saint that is known to have saved many babies. God bless you!

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  114. I do know someone who carried from 16 weeks to term like that and her child is a health teen now. It's anecdotal and personal but I hope it gives you hope. Praying for you and your family!

    PS This is a horrible stab at internet chat but have you looked into supplements to strengthen the membranes? Particularly vitamin C and vitamin E!

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  115. I will be continuing to pray for you. Hang in there.:) I have so much suffering to offer after the death of my dad 2 weeks ago. I'll offer that for your little one and you. God bless you all.

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  116. Praying, praying, praying! Thank you for sharing so we can offer up our prayers.

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  117. I'm crying with you, dear friend. You and your sweet baby have been in my prayers and will be.

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  118. I'll keep praying for you and your dear little baby!

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  119. Oops! Sorry. Dear Dwija, You don't know me as I usually lurk but I can't ignore your pain. I once sat in a hospital bed with fluid leaking everywhere from a second-trimester pregnancy sobbing to my husband, "I couldn't look after our baby...' But that tiny one is now a healthy 5 year old. It was terrifying and I was in shock but with wonderful medical care and my church praying their hearts out God looked after my baby and he was delivered safe and healthy at 32 weeks. I had never heard of PPROM but all these people suddenly told me their stories and they all had happy endings, including a lady whose waters broke at about 19 weeks and had to have her baby induced at 39 weeks as he was so happy in there. So IT CAN HAPPEN. I know that hearing other people's happy endings isn't a whole lot of help when you don't know what your own ending is going to be. I just want to say - the doctors (well, some) told me the horror stories about affected development etc too. But my baby has always been 100% healthy and so were the other ones whose stories I was told. Just hang in there. A day at a time. My baby really didn't seem to care about the lack of fluid until he got so huge that he was really squished. And my membranes were torn completely to shreds; I wasn't leaking once a day, I was like Niagra falls all day and night. But I was okay and my baby was okay and I pray with everyone else that yours will be too.

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  120. I didn't mean to start with Oops sorry like that. It sounds very flippant and it was just my general incompetency with word processing. Please ignore.

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  121. I totally understand the dilemma of not wanting to pray for mere acceptance of God's will. I have felt that way whenever the life of a child I love is at stake (too, too many times). I always remember this:


    Genesis 32:
    22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

    But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

    I will be wrestling in prayer for your little one.

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  122. So many prayers coming your way! When reading this, the first thing that popped into my mind was that St. Gianna's canonization miracle: http://saintgianna.org/stgiannascannonization.htm How beautifully that story turned out - for the family, and for the entire church! Praying that your story results in just as much wonderfulness <3

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    1. A more detailed summary of the miracle here: http://wdtprs.com/blog/2008/04/prepare-to-be-amazed-the-2nd-miracle-of-st-gianna-molla/

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  124. When the Israelites fought the Amalekites, Moses held his staff before the Lord. As long as he held it upright, the Israelites had the advantage. Whenever he lowered it, they began to fall back. Moses' arms began to grow tired, so Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on and held up his arms for him.

    You have brothers and sisters in Christ holding up your arms; you just grip tightly onto your prayer for your baby's life. We will pray for the rest.

    Blessings!

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  125. This may just get lost in the comments...but I am hoping for nothing but the best for you. So often people envision pregnancy as a beautifully, happy experience and too often it isn't so easy or happy. Keep your chin up and all of us will keep up the prayers for your little miracle!

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  126. Me again...I had another friend ask me to pray for you today. Keep believing in miracles!!! I found some hope in a group called pPROM and this lady Angelica ( http://bernardmiracles.blogspot.com/2012/02/in-2010-my-husband-and-i-came-face-to.html?spref=fb) came and visited me and shared her miracle story with me! Don't give up hope. Ask for the intercession of my sweet baby Steven Thomas he will pray for you and your baby!




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  127. I have nothing profound to say, but I am praying for you and that baby a lot. And no, you didn't sound calm to me.

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  128. Dropped everything and rushed to pray for you with my wife. God bless!

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  129. Praying for you. I wish I lived closer than Detroit. Not that I could do anything, but I wish I could give you a hug.

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  130. There is nothing I can say to help with this but I just saw 100+ comments from people who love you, your family, and your baby. You don't know the majority of us in real life but we are very really here for you. We're praying, believing, hoping, and caring for you. I know you're leaning on God but this post allows you to lean on us too. Thank you for allowing us to be here for you.

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  131. Adding my prayers to those already flying heavenward for you and your baby. And I especially pray for peace for you, which was something I grasped at wildly during a difficult pregnancy. Hang in there, Dwija, we have your back. May the Blessed Mother hold you under Her mantle.

    Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided!

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  132. I am praying for you and your little one. God bless you both.

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  133. Dwija - I just sent an email to our friend, Sr. Mary Grace OCD at St. Joseph's Carmelite Monastery in Terre Haute, Indiana to ask for her prayers and those of her sisters.

    One of the sisters, Sr. Rosemary, just passed away, and so I am asking her to intercede for you and the baby.

    Our parish will continue to pray for you as well.

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  134. Dwija - Do you have a relic of St. Gerard? I would be happy to send you a St. Gerard handkerchief (touched to his body) if you'd like one. I am assuming this combox allows you to see my email address, but if not, I have liked your FB and you can contact me there. I did add you to our Militia of the Immaculata's prayer intentions this evening. I will be praying for you tonight, and beg St. Gerard's intercession.

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  135. How blessed this baby is....so completely loved and absolutely wanted and protected by it's mother's "no". I'm pretty sure God's statistics are far more impressive than those they offered you and whatever God's will is for this baby and your family we know that it comes from his good and loving hands. We will pray for peace and strength for you, not for the worst case scenario, but for simply walking this road each day. I'm so sorry that you have to endure this, and YES, we are praying, praying that this baby lives.

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  136. I will say my rosary for you and your sweet baby. Thank you for being such a wonderful testament to one who treasures God's smallest. They are such a gift. Thank you for doing God's work! God Bless You.

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  137. Oh Dwija.I pray for strength and peace for you.

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  138. Dwija. You are so incredibly strong. That baby is so incredibly loved. We are praying, SO HARD each day for you and your little one. Each and every day. Everyone has said some of the most beautiful and truthful things above. Take heart in your protection and (hopefully) rest. I will be praying for the future doctors you will encounter as well. Rest in Him. Rest in Him.

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  139. Damn the statistics.

    We're praying for all of you right now.

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  140. I'm so sorry that this has happened. Praying for a miracle for this precious baby!

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  142. Another week, keep hanging in there baby. Lots of prayers for you and the little one.

    I know you said you liked happy thoughts: While my 8 month old was REFUSING to sleep, we took a long walk with him in the carrier. I thought about how lucky I am to have a cranky non-sleeping baby to walk with, and said a rosary for you.

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  143. Long time reader, first time commenter. Prayers for you and your family and your sweet little one. I will include you in my labor intentions which will happen with the next few weeks, with my fourth (two on earth, one in heaven.) Hoping my little one in heaven can provide special intervention.

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  144. What you're going through is so tough and so courageous. My best friend went through the same thing, except she was carrying twins. One of her membranes ruptured at 14 or 15 weeks and you could tell the staff had no hope. She spent the next 17 weeks in the hospital and at 31 weeks after they had given her magnesium or whatever for a few weeks to stop contractions, she delivered. The baby with the ruptured membrane was baby A, a boy. He lived for 4 hours after he was born. Baby B is my goddaughter, a beautiful healthy nine-year old girl who sparkles and shines and has nothing wrong with her at all. While the ending was not perfect, there was loss with a lot of joy, I don't think they'd trade it for the world. The good news is that there can be success in these situations. I actually helped keep my best friend off the internet reading statistics since it was discouraging. What I did instead was to find a ton of success stories, print them off and put them in a binder for her to read. I also cut up a ton of construction paper so that she could create a chain. For every day she made it, she added a link to the chain and that chain was pretty long after 17 weeks. I stayed with her often, so I lived it to a small degree. Please stay positive. Wishing you the absolute best and praying for you. The doctors don't know the exact outcome. Don't forget that God is in charge of all of this.

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  145. Praying and offering all those frustrating mom moments to you and your little one.

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  146. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and your family. I will keep your precious little one, and all of you, in my prayers.

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  147. My heart goes out to you, you are in our prayers...your whole family and that precious baby!

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  148. Praying for you! What a blessing this child already has in parents who love him or her so dearly already!

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  149. I have been thinking about you everyday since I first read about this. Stay strong. Your baby WILL live, it just might be a very different life than you imagined.

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  150. Absolutely we will keep praying with you for your precious baby to live. I'll be offering up whatever I can today for you and your child.

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  151. I'm praying for you and baby!

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  152. I am a man so I have no idea what pain you are going through. All of my wife's pregnacies were without complications. I will be praying for strength for you and your family to get through this. I will be praying for your baby to be born healthy and strong.

    The number of comments that are on your blog reenforces that you are loved and not alone.

    God bless.

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  153. This is heartbreaking. Praying for all you for whatever lies ahead. You are an amazing mother, Dwija!!! xoxo

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  154. Came here from Conversion Diary - Jen asked us to pray for you, and I will!

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  155. You don't know me from anyone. I had my son at 35 weeks due to PPROM. WAIT! Yes, I know, 35 weeks is looking pretty damned good to you right now. And it is. BUT because of that I did a HECK of a lot of research on PPROM. I heard about mother's who ruptured early and carried into viability. Term? I honestly cannot remember but YES some mothers made it VERY far.
    Personally, there is a baby down the street whose moth suffered from PPROM between 15 and 19 weeks and he was born at 24 weeks. He had a NICU stay of course but he is home and thriving. He is ten months old now.
    There IS hope. I do not promise easy but I can promise you hope, prayers and support. My e-mail is waldenmommy AT gmail DOT com if you need to chat.

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  156. (I came here from Conversion Diary too!)
    I've said that to the Lord: "Look, I know I'm supposed to pray 'Your will be done.' But frankly, that is not what I want! Not sayin' I intend to set myself against You, but You see my heart! -- I *want* X so badly that I'm not terribly interested in whatever it is You want. (Sigh....) So....whatever You want to do with that, Lord. Here's me like I am right now; how do You want to carry me? How do You want me to carry You?" (those last questions courtesy of my wonderful spiritual director).

    Praying for you and your baby. Glad he's still alive!! Come, guardian angel; come Holy Spirit! Lord, what do You want to do here?

    ~MargoB

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  157. I'm here from Conversion Diary too. Praying for strength and peace for you and your family, and for a miracle for the little one.

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  158. Tears and prayers and love with you Dwija! Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

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  159. Dear Dwija,

    I experienced PPROM at 17 weeks with my third child. I just sent you an email with some resources about PPROM and some personal details about our story as well. I didn't want to divulge too much personal information in a comment, so this is just to let you know that there is some help sitting in your email Inbox. Praying for you!!

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  160. Praying for a miracle that will defy man's/doctor's greatest wisdom . . .

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  161. Please know you and your family are in our prayers.

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  162. Prayed and praying for healing, health, life AND peace.

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  163. Praying for a MIRACLE!!! And strength and courage for you and your husband.

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  164. You and baby are constantly on my mind, Dweej! Virtual and spiritual love to you. May you find peace by resting on the Sacred Heart of Jesus today, girlfriend. Love to you and your beautifully faithful family.

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  165. Praying for you and your sweet baby. Cindy

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  166. Praying for you and your beautiful baby. I had a professor who liked to say that the most powerful prayer warriors were the little old ladies on their knees praying every day. With that said, my family always takes our prayers to my grandmother who promptly puts the intentions on her church prayer tree-a group of men and women truly storming heaven. I will have you and the sweet little one added to the prayer tree. Know you are loved, even by complete strangers.

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  167. Praying for you and your beautiful baby. I had a professor who liked to say that the most powerful prayer warriors were the little old ladies on their knees praying every day. With that said, my family always takes our prayers to my grandmother who promptly puts the intentions on her church prayer tree-a group of men and women truly storming heaven. I will have you and the sweet little one added to the prayer tree. Know you are loved, even by complete strangers.

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  168. Praying for you and that sweet little baby!

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  169. Starting a novena right now. God bless you and your entire family.

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  170. Prayed for you as soon as I read this, and our family will offer our Rosary for you & your family tonight.

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  172. Praying that you are the first happy ending at 15 weeks.

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  173. Praying for you & babe, sweet Dwija! You will get through this!

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  174. With God all things are possible!! I am praying.

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