Thursday, November 21, 2013

People. Talking.

Cari has said before that the only rule for Theme Thursday is that there are no rules, so watch me cheat on this week's photo theme yet again.

It really does sort of fit because I'm ashamed that its taken me so long to share these photos with you.  It's shameful that I kept putting it off.  See, most often I feel like this is everyone's space and I'm just here to make it comfy or fun or interesting.  I wanna be one of those independent chutzpahwomen (it's a word.  trust me.) who writes her blog for herself and doesn't care who she offends or makes feel uncomfortable or whatever, but I just can't.  So it's taken me this long to share these photos because I didn't know how to bring it up in a way that was comfy or fun or interesting.

But I also know that you would want to see anyway.

Blahblahblah, stop rambling.




Nicholas' marker was finally put in last month.  We stopped by the cemetery on the way home from the Halloween party at the car museum to see it for the first time. 

As we were pulling in, another car was coming down the same lane toward us.  We sort of.....blocked each other and slowly came to a stop.  A woman got out and we got out and walked down the row a bit as we walked the other way.  Then she came back to where we were standing and you know, she just started talking.  Telling us about her daughter.  How she wasn't supposed to live a day, then a year, then five years.  And in total she got 15 years with the daughter she was never supposed to know.  Then I cried, she hugged me, and we all got in our cars and drove home.

People didn't used to talk to me.  Mostly because I didn't want them to, I think.  Or I wasn't ready for them to.  Because when people talk to you, they become a part of your life and you theirs.  You take on a little bit extra and carry it with you.  It can be messy or hard or wonderful or maybe all three.  I used to not be ready for that.  Thank you Lord for deeming me ready now.

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33 comments :

  1. Sending warm hugs from Florida.

    xoxo

    Jill

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  2. You're right. Sometimes the moments we have to share are uncomfortable, but I have a suspicion that makes them that much more important to share. Loss connects us all with a vein that runs deeper than humor. Continued prayers for your family.

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  3. I don't see anything shameful in protecting your heart until you were ready. I am so glad Nicholas has a marker, and what elegant simplicity it has. I just now and stopped to say a prayer for your family and for Nicholas.

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  4. Oh that last paragraph. Heavy with such wisdom and meaning... just wow. Thank you for sharing it. God bless you Dweej. <3 <3 <3

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  5. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

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  6. You were grace for that woman when she needed it. And you have Nicholas to thank for that. Sending you a virtual hug.

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  7. Love and prayers for you! I still think of you and Nicholas often. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. When I talk with cancer patients who come into the salon, there is a bonding. Sometimes, sadly, that bonding is all too brief but...it happens and I value the moments I get to share with that person.

    Oddly enough, it's easier for them to let me know, rather than family, that their time is running short. They appreciate the chance to be honest rather than deal with those who are in denial.

    Like Annery said, "sometimes the moments we have to share are uncomfortable" but, what a blessing to share them with someone who understands and appreciates those who touched your lives...even for a short time.

    Hugs and Blessings!

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  9. It's beautiful. My son was born 4 years ago on your Nicholas's birthday. He was born at 26weeks 1lb and 3 oz and by a miracle and 4 months in the NICU he is still here today. I'm very sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your story about your sweet Nicholas. I volunteer speaking with mothers on bed rest and its never easy if they know their baby isn't going to live or the chances are slim. I don't like to give to much detail about my son when they ask because it was no fairy tale and it still isn't and every child's life is different. But mothers and families sharing their story as you have with your son's beautiful life gives them hope to go on and celebrate the life they gave.

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  10. Thanks for sharing. My mother and I talk about this a lot with each other...how hard it is sometimes to 'take on' another person when we struggle so woefully with our own mess. But it's in others' grief and mess that we also often gain something in return. Not an easy gamble to take, for sure. But worth it, little by little.

    I hope you can spend lots of meaningful time at that marker together as a family, while sweet Nicholas prays for all of you.

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  11. It is truly beautiful, and so are you. I'm so glad you have this space, I truly enjoy the glimpses you share...perhaps the blog has helped you be ready. God works all thing together you know...
    *hugs*

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  12. Thank you for sharing the story of that woman. Every day her daughter lived was a miracle, and it made a difference, just like Baby Nicholas. Hugs.

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  13. Still praying for you and your family, Dwija. And I've asked our oldest, who was miscarried very early in pregnancy, to pray for you, too. Maybe s/he and Nicholas are friends in heaven. :-)

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  14. Praying for you and your family, especially as you approach Nicholas' due date.

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  15. This is beautiful. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  16. {{{hugs}}} In the pregnancies we have lost, I find solace in knowing that Jesus is the first face my sweet babies see. You are truly blessed, and you have laid eyes on one of your watchful angels. Thank you for sharing.

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  17. Oh, this is beautiful. How much easier is it to not make eye contact, to pretend we don't see other people and the hurt they carry. But we're always, always the better for sharing the pain of another. Thank you for sharing this!

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  18. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Nicholas touched so many lives in his short time on Earth!

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  19. So beautiful. Many hugs and continued healing, friend.

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  20. You are such a beautiful person Dweej. Much love <3 <3 <3 <3

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  21. (((hugs))) You always leave me speechless, Dweej. Thank you for sharing.

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  22. I'm glad you did share. Know that I have been continuing to pray for you and your family!

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  23. I have no words, except to say thank you for sharing this with us, and that my heart goes out to you. I'm still thinking of you (and your family, of course!) and praying for you.

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  24. There is something so vulnerable and powerful when we dignify our pain -- and the pain of others -- by allowing it to be spoken. Makes me think of those extravagant tears Jesus cried for Lazarus . . . He knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but he still grieved about death, and dignified the losses of Mary and Martha by weeping with them.
    ~Nancy

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  25. Thank you so much for sharing, friend. It looks beautiful. Sweet Nicholas, pray for us.

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  26. May he be granted eternal rest. I'm praying for your family.

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