Tuesday. I went into it so cautiously. Maybe nervously is the better word. Because those days leading up to it were rough. Really rough. Maybe it was the uncertainty? The anticipation? I've never celebrated an anniversary like that before. All of it was uncharted territory for us and I just...I just didn't know. I was sad. The combination was not good.
Emotions are hard.
And you know what? The day ended up being really kind of wonderful. Heart-stretchingly wonderful. I'm certain that was made possible by all your prayers, because looking back on the day now, it was the sort that could have turned out very badly for a lot of reasons, most of which are "I'm a foolish, foolish woman." But it was like our whole family was surrounded by a thick bubble of grace- there we were inside, seeing everything rainbow through that smooth, protective shell.
All of that. We did all of that in one day. With 6 kids. One of whom is barely 6 weeks old. Please believe me when I tell you there was not a single melt down, not a one tiny fit thrown. I'm fairly sure no one even fought for the entire day. It may have been one of the most peaceful days in my entire mothering history and wow, that is NOT what I anticipated.
Truly I feel like these words are insufficient. Like what I'm saying is so base and meager compared to what we experienced that day. Even now the tears of gratitude are flowing. It's like I'm trying to tell you what God feels like. What it feels like to let Him just wrap you up and be your life. Is it even possible for me to do? I don't think so.
So instead I'll tell you about the cool breezes that blew that day, the bright blue sky. The mulberry tree growing at the edge of the cemetery, Sweet happy children with berry stained cheeks running carefree under the smiling July sun.
And I'll say thank you to every one of you because your prayers made it all possible.