Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The things I didn't do

I've had these thoughts rolling around in my head for a while now, but keep pushing them aside.

Haven't a hundred women written about this same thing?  But maybe you don't read their blogs...

So now it's the Feast of St. Martha and Kathryn just posted this and I think it's time.

Years ago...probably 8 years or so, I traveled to Chicago alone to spend a weekend with one of my dearest friends from college.  It was summer.  We went to the vigil Mass on Saturday night, the two of us and her husband.  The reading was the story of Martha and Mary.

Then Mass was over and we shook the priest's hand and she and I, well, we were hangry.  We are friends for many reasons and our mutual refusal to waste time when food is beckoning is one of them.  Then her husband, who is a fine man of the creative persuasion (just like a certain husband of mine and here I start to see a trend I had not previously noted....), stopped to, like, look at something.  Or talk to someone.  I don't know.  It was something other than walking straight to the restaurant without passing go, without collecting $200.  And I hollered (as I am wont to do to people who are not my family after I get to know them well enough.  Be warned.)...

"Mary!  Move it!  Martha and Martha are hungry!"

I think about that moment a lot because although it was funny (we all laughed and then he did move his hiney on to the restaurant like any wise young man would), it speaks to how I naturally see the world and how maybe I need to fix how I naturally see the world.

"Here is the long list of things you haven't done"

Thats phrase is constantly chanting itself in the back of mind.  Any time in my life as wife and mother, when I have a quiet moment and look around and don't see perfection (welcome to every single day of my life), I hear that phrase reprimanding me.

So even if I've fed my children and washed some laundry and made some phone calls and answered some emails and baked some zucchini bread and taught someone how to write the number 5 ("down and around and put a little hat!") and managed to shower, I'm convinced that it's not enough because look at all the stuff I DIDN'T do.  

Well isn't that just a clever little tactic of the enemy?  Because no matter how much a person accomplishes in a day, there will always, always, always be something they can put on their "didn't do" list. Renovating the basement?  Learn to fly an airplane?  Find a cure for cancer?  The enemy is constantly moving the goal post.  He sets us up for failure and despair by telling us that we do is. Never. Enough.

That's how I know these thoughts aren't from God.  Because God sets us up for success.  We are asked to live in love.  Love Him, love our children, love our neighbor.  Just love.  Treat one another with love.  Sometimes that love has an outward, physical manifestation that is beautiful and lovely and pinterestable.  But sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it looks like holding a newborn on a sofa and not getting around to filing those papers after all.  And you can't take a pretty picture of not filing a stack of papers.  But that's okay.  God doesn't watch our moments in pictures.  He watches our hearts.  And all we need to do is fill them with love.





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24 comments :

  1. You have no idea how desperately I needed to hear this right now. Bless you! A year just vanished from your purgatory for listening to the Holy Spirit and passing on the message. You're wonderful.

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  2. Dweej, it's like you've been reading my mind these last few posts. Maybe we're getting some of the post-Edel spillover from the Holy Spirit; a kind of non-attendance consolation prize. Because I've been whining about just this sort of thing. We can never do all the things.

    Pray for me. I need to organize a baptism/confirmation/first communion party and I've committed to making the desert because I was offended by what a bakery charges for cake.

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  3. Well, jeez, Dweej. How did you read my Martha heart? And why am I reading this while waiting at the checkout in the third store today? Meanwhile, imagining all the things I still have left to do when I get home?

    Because I needed this, right now. So I don't care if every woman on the planet had already written about it: keep writing. It's so so important to remember.

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  4. Oh my friend. I think we were twins separated at birth because you just described me to a T! Preach.it.sista!! Here is to learning to accept the "success" God has planned for each of us. Hugs friend!

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  5. I am totally struggling with this right now. Last month of my fifth pregnancy, 4 young-uns to feed and bathe and keep out of trouble, tired, sore and now I have some weird foot thing going on. SO MANY UNDONE THINGS. And despite all the couch-sitting I am doing right now, I still manage to be irritable and impatient with...everyone. Pray for me to get through these last few weeks with a loving heart!

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  6. Beautiful words, and just what I needed to hear today. I have a sick, sleeping baby in the Ergobaby because the dishes had to be done, but looking around at everything else is making me feel weary and insufficient (though, to be totally honest, that is most days, sick kiddos or not). My husband frequently reminds me that as long as everyone is fed, clothed, and happy, all else can wait. It is just so hard to let go, though. Thank you for another reminder.

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  7. "We are asked to live in love. Love Him, love our children, love our neighbor. Just love. Treat one another with love."

    Thank you for this. Right now because of cancer treatment there are pretty much ONLY things I didn't do. The only thing I can do is love my family, without any of the motherly work to prove it. Somehow, they're all ok with it. They're just glad I'm around. I have to keep reminding myself that loving them is enough.

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  8. What a beautiful post! And one I really needed :)

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  9. This resonates deeply with me. We're remodeling the kitchen... well, I'm remodeling it when I am not chasing my toddler. My husband has no interest in helping (his idea of helping is to hire someone, but we have no budget for that). As much as I really enjoy remodeling (and I truly DO!), it's hard to juggle everything, especially since the most simple tasks, like feeding our family, are far more complicated without a kitchen. Thank you for putting into words exactly what I needed to hear.

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  10. Really love your words about the enemy moving the goal post. Clever! And so true. We have to keep steady and know where the true goal lies and fight like hell!

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  11. Great post. Definitely having to be at peace with the mess in both homes right now. I did a pseudo-flylady thing and cleaned the kids' tub. Not anything else. Just the tub. Gave me time to nurse and sing to Willa. The kids will remember the moments of love, not that I cleaned the tub! You have an amazing memory, Dwija. I don't remember the reading, but I remember the eating part! Fun times. :-)

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  12. PREEEEEACH. Hugs to you Dwija. Live in love, baby. I'm off to hold my newborn on the couch :)

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  13. Makes me want to write a poem, called "Things Left Undone." It would be beautiful, and haunting, and insightful, and true. I don't have the words. just a feeling that I wish could make words.

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  14. This is great, because I am TOTALLY a Martha. Even when I'm on the phone, I can't just sit and talk to someone - I have to be DOING. All.the.time. There is a great book study I did with some ladies from church a few years back called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World - really great. I probably need to go back and read it every year, so I try and remember.

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  15. Every blogger in creation could write about this and it wouldn't be enough. I always need to hear this message. I want things to be just perfect, and they never are. But really? This life is beautiful. A reminder is always welcome. ♡

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  16. I needed to hear this today. Thank you so much for sharing, my head was shaking "yes" along with every one of your words. At the end of the day I let myself get wrapped up in all of the things that I didn't get to and I forget to focus on all of the wonderful things that did happen. Thank you again!

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  17. Thank you for this! I'm getting ready to adjust our family schedule, and I can feel myself wanting to find ways to squeeze more getting stuff done time into my day when the real goal of the schedule is to deliberately make time for what's important. I really needed this reminder today. By the way, if anyone is interested in creating a schedule for a more peaceful and prioritized day, I have a post that talks about my experience with it: http://www.littlesillygoose.com/jenns-tips-vol-7-create-a-more-peaceful-and-focused-day-with-a-schedule-7qt-vol-4/

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  18. Good post and good reminder. I forever forget to tell myself that those negative thoughts are not from God...

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  19. I read and then while reading from one of (my two ) new books I just ordered on Kindle, I read the following and thought of you (and so many others like 'us') ::
    "Let us make our way through the low valleys of the humble little virtues. There we will see roses among thorns....do not be anxious.....if you can refrain from trying to do all things, but instead attempt to do only some one thing, then you will do much. Practice the mortifications that most often present themselves to you, for that is the first duty to be done. After that you can take up the others....they are more truly crosses when they are made of a wood that smells dirty and is considered useless."
    The "mortifications" of motherhood are M.A.N.Y. are they not?! Yowzer.
    Your post touched me since I quite often feel the same. Been on a bit of spiritual dryness run lately...whom I kidding, for awhile. A friend shared the book Roses Among The Thorns with me and I am loving it! Had to share. (Based on the teaching of St. Francis de Sales.)

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  20. Thank you for this beautiful reminder to ignore the mental clutter.

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  21. sending this to my brain twin. Thank you, Dwija! My keyboard keeps trying to spell your name with a 'Q' in there somewhere, which actually looks pretty cool. You are uber blog tastic as always, and it really does need to be said. Satan loves to enlarge our self-gazing, which only creates sadness.

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  22. I can't quit blog reading because of these amazing posts. Dweej, thank you for being so close to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. It brings light to so many.

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