Last night I pulled my planner out from under The Pile of Papers (every time you move, you have this...pile. Of papers. And they're so important. Yet you don't look at them for 6 months. And then you grudgingly file them and never look at them again. But: important!) and wrote down a few things for the upcoming week. Finally. I just wrote them down instead of trying to stash them all in my hole-filled brain bucket. And it felt so great. I feel ready now instead of completely panicked.
As I was jotting things down, I remembered another part of that book A Mother's Rule of Life (which I've yet to give a full review of. Maybe I'll write so many partial reviews that it'll add up to an enormous, incredible Megatron review.) where Pierlot writes about a time that she was really struggling with all her responsibilities. She was basically questioning every decision she'd ever made ever, and felt like she was drowning doing the things she was supposed to love doing. She did know that God had promised to bless her efforts, though, so she was sitting there, in the waiting place, just....waiting. Waiting for Him to do it.
And then it dawned on her. It dawned on her that in order for Him to bless her efforts, there had to be efforts to bless. She had to start. First she had to put in some effort and only then might He bless them. Only He can make the work of one woman sufficient for so many people and so many things, but the work has to be there to begin with.
I'm reminded of two of Jesus' miracles when I think about this concept of us with our insufficient offerings and He making all of it more than sufficient. When Jesus fed those thousands of people the fish and the bread, he didn't procure food out of nothing, you know? They had some loaves of bread and a few fish- it was paltry, but it was something. So they handed over this meager meal to Him, and it became more than enough to satisfy the hunger of an enormous crowd of people.
And then of course there's my most favorite story- the wedding at Cana. Gosh it makes me laugh. No, it really does! Mary is like "Hey, they've run out of wine...HINT HINT" and Jesus is all "Sssssshhhhhh, this wasn't part of the plan..." and then Mary's response? "Waiter! This guy has something to tell you!!!"
Dying. Dead. Hilarious. Mothers, amiright?
So Jesus takes what was already there, these jugs of water, and he makes it better. He turns it from something ordinary into something extraordinary. It started as a something and He made it more. It was simple water and he made it the finest wine.
Sometimes I think about my kids and how even a tiny bit of effort or progress in the right direction is met with enthusiastic praise from us. If my two year old "helps" to clean up by clumsily dragging a costume across the floor and trying to shove it in the bin, that effort she expends is The Thing. I don't really care if she cleaned the room up, you know? She tried, she did her best, she grew and she learned. Just a little try is as good as all of it.
Lately in all the mayhem, I've done a lot of expecting God to fix things that I haven't even given to him. I've done a lot of waiting for things to get better without actually trying to be better. I've done a lot of wishing but not a lot of doing.
He doesn't expect perfection from me, but for my own good I need to show Him a little try. God wants to turn my water into wine, but I've got to pour the water first.