tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post1507406950457750237..comments2024-03-28T04:36:56.831-04:00Comments on House Unseen. Life Unscripted.: Confessions of a closet shy girlDwija {House Unseen}http://www.blogger.com/profile/17887429052179249473noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-11182305067473267712014-08-13T14:48:30.889-04:002014-08-13T14:48:30.889-04:00Lately I've been forcing myself to start conve...Lately I've been forcing myself to start conversations more . . . but the problem is, I still don't know how to get from "casual introductions and small talk" to "friends." I mean, I can walk up to another mom at the playground and have a decent conversation, but then when it's time for her to leave, I don't want to go all psycho stalker and demand the phone number of someone I just met. So I just wave goodbye while telling myself, "I'm sure I'll see her again, I can ask for her phone number some other time." And you know what happens then? I NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I live in Los Angeles where people drive a lot, so the moms I meet at the playground aren't necessarily locals who go to the same park everyday. <br /><br />Sigh. I agree that making friends is so much easier in a job or classroom setting, where you interact with the same small group of people repeatedly.<br /><br />Dwija, if you ever decide to write another Life Skills 101 post like this one, please give advice on what to say AFTER you've already said "hi, I don't think we've met." Because I'm still clueless.vitabenedictahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072026083997999159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-39710673936734089892014-08-12T16:42:45.848-04:002014-08-12T16:42:45.848-04:00Aaaaaaah! You're Renee's mom-in-law?!?!? ...Aaaaaaah! You're Renee's mom-in-law?!?!? My worlds are colliding.... Dwija {House Unseen}https://www.blogger.com/profile/17887429052179249473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-65770553755886056532014-08-12T16:38:36.175-04:002014-08-12T16:38:36.175-04:00Hi Renee! I just saw this post and was scrolling ...Hi Renee! I just saw this post and was scrolling through the comments, and who should I see but YOU!! :) :)<br /><br />I was going to tell Dwija that I loved this post, and I can totally relate! When they started talking about that Edel gathering, Dad said, "You should go!" And I was like, "Who would I hang out with? Who would want to talk to me? I'm not one of those cool bloggers! I'm too shy!" I couldn't go anyway, because we were busy. But fear was definitely going to keep me away!Laura Pearlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16108081477711821273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-81072719721655879342014-08-11T22:29:19.441-04:002014-08-11T22:29:19.441-04:00I've realized too that you basically have to f...I've realized too that you basically have to force yourself to talk to people. I used to think that people who introduced themselves were more outgoing but they are probably just as awkward as me, except that they force themselves to say hi!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03340295455924252285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-44509277631914731692014-08-05T01:12:10.563-04:002014-08-05T01:12:10.563-04:00I feel you. This has been especially hard post mot...I feel you. This has been especially hard post motherhood, now that I have kids who need friends therefore I must speak with said potential friends mothers. And be brave and stick to my rules in front of her. This must be a way of making me holyAndreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10828430934524165855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-39102386280587982392014-08-01T15:54:22.372-04:002014-08-01T15:54:22.372-04:00A bestie and I came up with this phrase for oursel...A bestie and I came up with this phrase for ourselves: "forced extrovert" - people DO NOT believe that we are introverts because, well, let's just say that when we are together we may not be the most reserved ladies in town. I have come to realize after the kiddos, that I am, in fact, a sufferer of social anxiety and going out about town meeting people with the kids in tow makes my heart race, and not in a hubba hubba kind of way. I prefer to think we are perfectly perfect in our own way. :) And by the by, apparently we were in your neck o' the woods with our Grand Rapids vacay and didn't know it!<br />RMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372999417267102123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-14561412716343486122014-08-01T07:49:07.178-04:002014-08-01T07:49:07.178-04:00If this makes you psycho, scooch over, I've go...If this makes you psycho, scooch over, I've got a ticket for the same crazy train! Homeschooling my children has given this "introverted extrovert" a much better education on making friends than all the years of public and private school!Anneryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04954066811992919236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-27758330251814252422014-07-30T20:14:31.340-04:002014-07-30T20:14:31.340-04:00Isn't it the craziest- when you explain your s...Isn't it the craziest- when you explain your shyness thinking that you sounds like a nut, and everyone says "oh my gosh, me too!!!" I swear, no matter how old I get, I still feel like an awkward 7th grader looking for a seat in the cafeteria at lunch time. If only it were as easy as all of us lookng around and realizing that most people are in the same boat! Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12945264080694886265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-1051579760662098962014-07-30T14:27:35.514-04:002014-07-30T14:27:35.514-04:00Me too, Dwija. Except I don't like to talk in ...Me too, Dwija. Except I don't like to talk in front of a group of people. I get the heebie-jeebies. And I hate small talk but I will force myself to say something anyway so as to not have an awkward silence. And then I wonder if I seem silly to the other person. Then I'll shut up. And then there's the awkward silence anyway. Over the years I have forced myself to make better eye contact so that's improved at least.<br /><br />I've always been told I'm very friendly but that I don't talk much. I looked you in the eyes, what do ya want? lol. j/k. Sigh.Aileenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08992807714484812147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-82722645964549344592014-07-29T18:22:53.788-04:002014-07-29T18:22:53.788-04:00Oh, I like to get straight to the meat. Forget the...Oh, I like to get straight to the meat. Forget the small talk, man. Let's just dive in the deep end together, shall we? :)Dwija {House Unseen}https://www.blogger.com/profile/17887429052179249473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-58913171269041588212014-07-29T18:21:18.182-04:002014-07-29T18:21:18.182-04:00I'm so awkward. If you ever see me in a crowd,...I'm so awkward. If you ever see me in a crowd, definitely come up to me and tell me your line. Since small talk is torture for me, I will likely say something too serious, personal or specific right off the bat and throw you for a loop. I'm a real ego boost. For free. ;)Ashley Andersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-26026790717253576812014-07-29T14:04:44.602-04:002014-07-29T14:04:44.602-04:00Basically, if you feel the calling to write more o...Basically, if you feel the calling to write more obvious-to-some tips about building friendships in this new stage of life, I for one would be super grateful!Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10676579695252330189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-51189175984780299062014-07-29T14:03:26.131-04:002014-07-29T14:03:26.131-04:00My heart races every time too! Especially because ...My heart races every time too! Especially because half the time, the response I get is "No, actually, we met last month..." And then I feel awful for not being better at faces/names. I also really need to up my small talk game past asking kids' names and ages. Awkward.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10676579695252330189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-42390218351649555532014-07-29T09:59:52.247-04:002014-07-29T09:59:52.247-04:00I am a nervous chatter, so people always laugh whe...I am a nervous chatter, so people always laugh when I say I'm cripplingly shy. I hate having to be somewhere without knowing people! In fact I had a dream I attended Edel and sat in the corner because I was too scared to talk to all these cool ladies I knew from the computer!! But at the same time my current job (assistant to a wedding florist) has forced me to be less shy, I have to be able to talk to people I don't know, about something I do know about (flowers) and that makes it easier! I think next time I find myself in a nervous nelly situation "Hi I don't think we've met" wil come out for a try!! Especially since someday, I would LOVE to meet all these influential ladies whose words I read and take to heart!<br /><br />Giancarlo is the cutest smirkerpants!! Love it! And I hope the healing is going well! Prayers for health and light travel soon ;)Lilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18190917679880418260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-31189793472120906972014-07-29T08:26:06.686-04:002014-07-29T08:26:06.686-04:00It looks like Giancarlo is attempting to run away ...It looks like Giancarlo is attempting to run away from that zucchini! :) After reading your blog for so long, it's hard to remember that we actually haven't met. LOL! Maybe one day, I'll make the 2 hour trip west... :)Cadylyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03128740119433429477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-76356494484226667342014-07-29T01:49:25.396-04:002014-07-29T01:49:25.396-04:00I'm totally stealing your line! And in return,...I'm totally stealing your line! And in return, I'll share one I read in an article about making conversation, "So what did you do today?"Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04017223758374145156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-66992022897110747162014-07-29T00:47:08.762-04:002014-07-29T00:47:08.762-04:00That baby is so cute it's a problem. Where did...That baby is so cute it's a problem. Where did you guys live in scal?Blythe Fikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01083711888523698156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-31239021006982846252014-07-28T23:36:56.856-04:002014-07-28T23:36:56.856-04:00I felt the same way, Micaela. I was so bummed not ...I felt the same way, Micaela. I was so bummed not to be there yet a bit relieved because the thought of having to dance or karaoke outside of my kitchen or trying to find a group of bloggers to hang out during the down time was stressing me out. LOL. bobbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05491963100793055125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-45269233637997041622014-07-28T22:50:37.202-04:002014-07-28T22:50:37.202-04:00I'm the opposite; I hate giving speeches and l...I'm the opposite; I hate giving speeches and love one-on-one conversations. BUT I am also very nervous about meeting new people (knowing I have an "insert foot into mouth" tendency). I hate small talk... can't pull that off. Would rather jump right into meaty topics, and often do, which makes for a very small friend circle. I would love to make more friends, though! Especially now that we are new Catholics... I would love to start hanging out with other like-minded, similar-values people.<br />I have a theory about the difficulty adults have making friends these days. First of all, we are taught in our current society to value self over others. Creeps into our way of thinking despite best intentions, as social media, shrinking nuclear families, and other isolating factors (like our country's goal of "pursuit of happiness") make it more and more difficult to truly "mingle". Add to this the much lower level of societal suffering we have these days, and there is just nothing really much to talk about. I think back during the depression, people could start up conversations (and friendships) easier thanks to solidarity, and a real need for each other's company and assistance. Men still carry this way of making friends over into the present better than women; they don't just hang out and chat with someone new, they offer to come over and help with something, or go fishing together, or what-not. I think if we women could learn this (and get past the insecurity of feeling judged when we invite others over to our home, or accepting help, etc.) technique of offering ourselves, we'd make more friends and deeper friendships.<br />That said, it is still my favorite past time to head over to La Iguana (Mexican restaurant with the BEST sweet tea and salsa... I order ONE enchilada a-la-carte just so I can fill up on the chips and salsa) with my current read and sit in my usual chair... for an hour alone!!! Kathiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00356075785962669136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-87146210940509522682014-07-28T22:50:30.641-04:002014-07-28T22:50:30.641-04:00These comments are Cracking! Me! Up! What a good ...These comments are Cracking! Me! Up! What a good lift in spirits I take away from this post ;). <br />Pattyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01651016998027244516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-28393331218028218212014-07-28T21:29:19.230-04:002014-07-28T21:29:19.230-04:00Also: jealous about your zucchini. Also: jealous about your zucchini. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05629132804649152538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-1011466642784378822014-07-28T21:28:44.233-04:002014-07-28T21:28:44.233-04:00I think one of your many gifts, Dwija, is the abil...I think one of your many gifts, Dwija, is the ability to look inward and articulate what's there. This thing that you've so clearly explained here is obviously shared by many, who are grateful that they now have words to express it. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05629132804649152538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-13608705068378219012014-07-28T18:20:15.545-04:002014-07-28T18:20:15.545-04:00I'm in!I'm in!Beth Anne @ Beth Anne's Besthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08015984989737705564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-27034697492089832014-07-28T18:08:11.741-04:002014-07-28T18:08:11.741-04:00Oh, my dear, I'm beginning to think this is th...Oh, my dear, I'm beginning to think this is the norm and the rest of those "I chit chatty with everyone types" are the crazy weird ones! <br /><br />By the by, if you want to stop in at my place (virtual, my real place is VA), you'll see a very similar pic of my little bambino. Minus the veggie. I bet they'd be friends, and they'd never psychoanalyze it. (Why do guys make friends so easily??!!?!)Anne McDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07179996548441215406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6378450001604002654.post-58742861120507721142014-07-28T18:04:25.012-04:002014-07-28T18:04:25.012-04:00Oooh I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'...Oooh I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm great in front of a crowd, can be hostess-y and welcome-y, but being authentic and just getting to know someone? I stink. And the eye contact! I'm bad at that, too. My husband mentioned that maybe someday I should go to a bloggie conference, and I started having heart palpitations. But it would be so much fuuuuuun!Adrie Littlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03791798892535599096noreply@blogger.com