Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Get your OMG face ready

I was trying to figure out a way to break this to you gently, but I just can't seem to find the right words that won't cause people to make that face at me.  Well, they would make that face at me if I was a regular folk, but since I have a track record of making people make that face, most people I know have stopped bothering to make the face at all.  Oh, you know the face....

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So the shocking news is that we've decided to have a .....dun dun dun....homebirth.


Oh my lordy goodness.  Homeshcooling.  Homebirthing.  The next thing you know, this crazy lady is gonna start, like, eating her meals at home and stuff!


You know, after four unremarkable speedy deliveries at four different hospitals with four different doctors, I realize that the things that bother me about labor and delivery have nothing to do with labor and delivery.  It has everything to do with the hospital environment.  The expectations of intervention and the unspoken lack of interest in me as an individual person.

If I am sick, if something goes wrong, I'll go to a hospital.  That's what I've decided hospitals are for.  Birth is normal.  And apparently my body is pretty good at it.  So I've decided I won't leave the comfort of my home, where I'm calm and happy and go to a place that completely stresses me out to do something I already know how to do and is natural.

Anyway, I'm watching The Business of Being Born for the first time right now, and totally bawling at Ricki Lake having her baby, so I'd better stop talking to the world.  Clearly I'm a little unstable.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

p.s. if you wanna check up on my midwife, you can stalk her site here: http://www.birthalternatives.com/.  She's delivered over 1,300 babies and passed our lengthy interrogation with flying colors this morning.  I feel so happy with our decision.  And she really thought I was so funny, which is HUGELY important.  I mean, if someone doesn't laugh at my jokes and crazy stories?  They just have no sense of humor, clearly!

p.p.s. some other lady just had her baby.  I'm crying again.

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63 comments :

  1. I'm jealous! I've always wanted to have a homebirth, but the idea scares my husband silly (and yes, he's watched The Business of Being Born). Out of respect for his concerns, I plan to deliver in the hospital (and really, with our insurance it's actually cheaper than a homebirth would be) but given how fast my last labor went I just hope we get there in time!

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  2. Yay! That's awesome.
    I have to tell you - even though I haven't actually HAD my homebirth yet (ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11 days late today), ahem, the midwifery form of care has been absolutely amazing.
    I got to choose which tests and interventions I have wanted, my midwife is available all the time by email when I've had questions or problems, she cares about me as a person, she's become a dear friend to my children. This morning when I was talking to her, I was whining about how freaked out I am that I haven't had this baby yet and all my inlaws will be here in less than 24 hours (and how uncomfortable they make me). My husband walked in and when I hung up with her, he mentioned how I have such a look of peace in my eyes when she is with me or talking to me. (This is remarkable, because I've been far from peaceful in the last several days - more like violent hysterical crying and general freaking out.)
    ANYWAY, I am very happy for you and I chose a homebirth over a hospital birth for much the same reason - I hate hospitals and I'm not sick. What I am sick of is the needless interventions and being treated in a subhuman way.
    My OMG face for you is one of happiness! I hope it's wonderful for you!!

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  3. I loved Business of Being Born and didn't they just release a sequel? I also have fast labors and considered birthing at home. However, I couldn't stand the thought of the mess at home. Yes, I know there are ways to take care of all of it. I liked having my babies at the same hospital where my parents were born and where I was born. Plus, they were very good about me going natural. So it was a positive for me. However, I think your decision is great. As long as you are comfortable with it, that's all that matters!

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  4. I am too risk adverse to have considered a homebirth. In our case, that was a good thing.

    Our firstborn stopped breathing several times in the hospital and had the docs not been there to administer CPR well...I can't go there.

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  5. Oh Andrea, I'm doing my OMG face that your stubborn boy is still waiting!

    It's incredible how many of my friends have had home births and I didn't even know. They have been incredibly helpful and supportive. The research has been incredibly interesting and exciting and eye opening. Such a great process!

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  6. I was with my friend while she gave birth at home twice and it was completely awesome and when it was over...she took a shower and slept in the comfort of her own bed.

    Your body knows what to do by now and it will go very easy, I just know it.

    Jen
    Dishes

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  7. To put your mind at ease, Allison, my midwife is certified in neonatal resuscitation and brings oxygen, pitocin, and a whole host of other medical supplies with her. She can suture up to 2nd degree tears and has never lost a mother or baby during or as a result of delivery. She is definitely a trained medical professional.

    My husband is also EMT certified and has administered adult and infant CPR on multiple occasions.

    I am risk averse too and I feel confident in her track record and mine that the decision is a good one for our family. I think the image of a midwife as a gentle lady who just encourages you but isn't prepared to deal with the realities of labor and deliver is common but false.

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  8. Wow, Jen, that is awesome! I have never been on hand at anyone's birth except my own. That must have been incredible.

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  9. My first 2 were born at home and had breathing issues. My midwife had oxygen, used it, and when it didn't get better we went to the hospital. #1 stayed in the NICU 7 days, #2 for 3 days. Not ideal, but yes, the midwives can handle things like that.

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  10. Hey D, I support your decision, I think you are crazy, but that is only because I am too chicken to do a homebirth. My first one resulted in hospitalization for one month before her birth and then ended up doing an emergency c-section and my 2nd was c-section too cause I didnt know what to expect...and who knows on the 3rd one.

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  11. you should also get More Business of Being Born too. You can actually download it online. I just got to watch it for a review and it had more basic info than the original. It answers many questions! I am a csection mom but these videos really opened my eyes to so many things regarding homebirth. Good Luck to you :)

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  12. I'm so glad you are going to do a home birth. My first was a midwife guided birth at the midwife run birthing center. It was good.

    My second was a home birth with a midwife and a massage therapist and that was the BEST.

    My third was a c-section because I was headed in a really nasty direction with the swelling and every symptom of pre-eclamsia except the high BP-- but I was SO swollen it frightened the doctor and I could FEEL that something was wrong and I was VERY glad for the hospital because we actually needed it that time.

    I've a friend who had most of her 12 kids with a midwife. She only had one bad experience and for some reason that time she knew there was something wrong and her midwife ignored her concerns because her husband insisted that she was being foolish and in that case the baby died-- so if you feel something wrong then use the hospital!

    If I could do another home birth I absolutely would because it was the most natural thing in the world and the older siblings can be involved and it can be a family experience. Mine was really such a special experience and I cherish it.

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  13. Hey, rock on! I would love to have a home birth someday--I just have to convince my husband. I did deliver with a midwife and it was awesome, in the literal sense of the word. I was in awe.

    I loved "The Business of Being Born", and I'm super geeked because "More Business of Being Born" just came out earlier this month!

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  14. Sounds like you put a lot of thought and heart into this decision. Blessings to you!

    (And I would guess that even in 2012, most worldwide births are home births.)

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  15. @Ann- my midwife specifically told me today that mothers often know, especially mothers who have delivered naturally before, when something feels wrong and she said to tell her *immediately* if that's how I feel and she will do a hospital transfer with no questions asked.

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  16. Its so much easier to get a cat from the pound. *lol*

    I had a friend who had home births and they were in a pool in her living room. *shudder*

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  17. Better than being in the swimming pool, right? ;P

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  18. After my first, I had such a bad hospital experience that I knew I didn't want to ever do that again. I was so amazed at how different an experience it was with my 2nd and 3rd births. Being outside of a hospital with it's sterile, cold enviroment and all the mindless rules and regulations was so freeing. With our fourth we did have to go back to a hospital because our new insurance plan wouldn't cover the home birth midwife, but thankfully I at least got to have a hospital midwife and since he was born in triage I didn't have to deal with a lot of the annoying hospital rules like staying in bed, being continously hooked to monitors, not being allowed to drink or eat, etc. I definitely think you'll love home-birthing! Congrats!
    Emily C

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  19. We're no where near considering this (seeing as how we aren't preg-o) but I think we'll go with a hospital birth for a few reasons. One, is with my health problems, even though they don't pose a direct problem to the baby's health, might interfere with things and while I love the idea of going natural, I'm realistic that we might need a epidural/c-section in order to even be able to deliver the baby. (I can give you all the gory details if you want but I figured I shouldn't commit-vomit on your blog).

    Second is that I think it would freak my husband out too much for our first baby. Maybe when we get to #5 we would feel okay about doing it at home.

    Third is that my dad is a doctor and my mom is a nurse so I've never bought into the idea that "they're just in it for the money! they'll push the drugs on you! they don't care what you want!" I'm just not as skeptical of the hospital scene as many people are. And while I do know my body inside and out, I trust that people who've done hundreds of deliveries know what they are doing too!

    Fourth it'll probably just come down to what insurance will cover.

    I think it's cool you are doing a home birth. You are obviously taking it seriously and have a good healthy track record. I totally feel though that when we tell the blog-world that we'll do a hospital birth we'll get judged by all my fellow crunch-granola types!

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  20. YAY!! I think that's seriously so awesome! I've never had a baby in a hospital (birth center both times) but I've always thought it sounds like no fun. Hey! If you email me your address, I can send you my favorite book about midwives/ home births, and I bet you will LOVE it! Yes? :)

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  21. If someone has a medical condition that necessitates a hospital birth, I think any other option besides a hospital delivery should not be considered. There are several circumstances that even in our case would make us switch to a hospital birth without hesitation (placenta previa, anencephaly, transverse presentation, etc.) and anyone that would judge a person for that needs to just chill :)

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  22. The Business of Being Born made me want a homebirth with Annabelle! And that was the plan til insurance wouldnt cover it... and good thing it didnt because my birth was HORRIBLE... I wish I was as good at giving birth as you are or I would do that too!!!! Good luck!!!! Are you going to try for the water birth? That was my "dream" I would be lying if I said I wasnt kinda jealous of you right now... then I remember giving birth and I am pretty excited to be paralyzed from the waist down from here on out.

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  23. Our midwife delivery is not being covered by insurance either, but she is only charging is $1,200 and will let us do a payment plan, so I'm feeling pretty good about making that happen :)

    I probably will not be water birthing. If I do by accident, it will be in the bathtub!

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  24. Oh Dwija, there is nothign like going sending the kids away or to bed and then in the next few hours welcoming then home/waking them up, with a new life for them to meet. And then they flip on the t.v. and the party is over. It's awesome. All of your doors have locks, there are no beeping machines, and YOU get to decide everything (within reason and safety). In your own bed, own toilet, own shower. Miraculous in every way. Good Luck!

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  25. Oh good for you!! I know you'll have a lovely experience.

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  26. Oh wow! That's really awesome! I don't know if I'd have the guts to do that, but I think it's a wonderful choice. I am so glad you found a mid wife that you like/love, too. That really is such a great thing!

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  27. Hooray for you! We've had three and it's such a wonderful thing. I don't know if you've looked into water birth, but i highly recommend it :)

    (de-lurking to talk about my fav topic)

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  28. Ok, I thought this post would be announcing twins! Home birth is a non-omg in my book. Definitely not for me, I had 2 super uncomplicated deliveries then out of nowhere a baby that tanked during delivery and needed resus. And 2 weeks in NICU. And the kid who went transverse in active labor sending me to the OR. But... For those who these things don't happen to, I'm happy! Wishing you a super easy, complication free delivery at home. I too dislike the hospital, except for the couple times it made a life or death difference...

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  29. I considered home-birthing for our last 2 babies and finally decided against it. I used a doula for 3 births. After not having the cost of our doula covered by insurance or being able to use our flex-spending account (125 plan), we decided the cost really was driving us. With 7 kids and only Paul working the cost of a home-birth just wasn't financially possible. When there is a difference of almost 1K, you can quickly do the math. My hospital births would always come out cheaper. Even my epidural cost less than the doula! I was so shocked. And all in all, going the other way around - all natural births & doulas to an epidural with no doula - I'd say, "Man, I would have had more babies had I done the epidural first!" I can birth babies fairly easily, but the pain was never something I could psychologically handle....intense nightmares, anxiety, and severe post-partum depression. It's not for everyone. Either way you go, birthing can be a dubious task for any woman, or at least it was for me. God Bless your decision!

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  30. I'm cracking up and tearing up at the same time. Laughing 'cause she thinks you're funny and so do I. And tearing up 'cause you're gonna birth at home!!! Me so happy. :D Hugs! <3

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  31. If cost was my driving factor in this decision, I would not be able to choose the homebirth, it's true. Although, I believe if we get insurance here in Michigan eventually, it will probably cover the midwife. But, my deciding factor is the frustration of the hospital setting and not wanting to be away from my family for so long. And I even had an epidural with my 2nd! I'd still rather stay home :)

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  32. My Mother-in-law, a registered nurse (Father-in-law was a Dr. and NO he didn't help) had her 4th child at home ... why? Because she didn't want to eat the hospital food! (This was in 1950!) My Mom delivered 4 of her 7 at Grandma's house. I'm sure everybody will do what's right for Mom and baby when the time comes. Congratulations to you and the family and good luck.

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  33. I thought you we're having twins or something :P

    -Laura

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  34. This doesn't warrant an OMG face from me. I totally figured you'd be a home-birthing kinda gal. Cool :)

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  35. I'm glad, Robin! That does make me feel good :)

    Laura, if I find out I'm having twins, I don't even KNOW how I'll announce that!

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  36. @Dwija: Glad to hear that! Now I won't be worrying about you. BTW our mutual friend from UD did her last birth as a homebirth and her hubbie caught the baby. The midwife ran late. All was great!

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  37. I totally thought you were going to say you were carrying twins!

    I agree with Robin above. I could totally see you as a homebirth kind of girl! Also, how far along are you?

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  38. Awesome! I know you are cut out for it after all, if you sneeze at the wrong moment, your babies just drop out of you. Me on the other hand.......not cut out for home birth, the results would be tragic! Congrats on your decision!

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  39. Well good for you. :o) It sounds terrifying to me because I had to have an emergency c section. My friend had a home birth though and delivered her baby in 4 hours time!!!! That's a lot shorter than my 17.5 hour labor.

    You're in my prayer journal! <3

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  40. That's so wonderful! There's too much stigma about birth at home. Until relatively recently, homebirth was the norm. For thousands and thousands of years women gave birth at home and guess what...the population grew. I think homebirth is safer than hospital birth--fewer dangerous interventions and no weird super bugs that can't be treated with antibiotics.

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  41. Yay! I love home-births. Mine was wonderful. I also loved the water-birth thing. The water helped SO much with the pain. (I mean, it helped me relax, which lessened the pain amazingly. The pain is only caused by you tensing your abdominal muscles against the contractions of the uterus, or so I've been told). I actually had to deliver out of the tub, though, since I couldn't get any traction to push in the water. All in all, though, I'm a fan of the homebirth. What I loved the most is uninterrupted mama/baby time afterward in which to gaze, adore and bond. No annoying wires and tubes, no nurses playing "stomp the grapes" on your stomach, nothing but your own family. Also, my midwives cleaned everything up, which I'm ashamed to admit was totally my biggest worry with the home birth.

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  42. LOVE that documentary, it really opened my eyes up to what I want when I have a child. That is, until the pain sets in, haha. Actually, I would love to do a water birth at home (that is me sounding really ambitious here). And props to you. It was good enough for women for centuries and centuries, so why not now!?

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  43. I had my two in a hospital and I was very glad. The first birth didn't go so well, the second went MUCH better, but they were long (30+ hours) and exhausting labors. Also I would not want the mess. That said, if I had had four babies and had good labors and easy births, I bet I would do the same as you! Especially with a midwife like that. The "you must have a home birth no matter what" types scare me. People who are competent and work with you on what you want to do are a blessing from God!

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  44. Oh, and if anyone feels sorry for me because of the long labors -- the second one didn't hurt at all! Really. But I walked around the entire time after I got to the hospital and worked hard on relaxing (can you do that). But you simply can't keep walking for that many hours, and my water never broke, so eventually I let them do a couple of "interventions" and he was born within the hour. You just never know what will happen when it's baby time!

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  45. That is fantastic! We may end up doing a home birth ourselves, if I can get past whatever mental hangup I have that keeps me from calling the midwife.

    God bless you on this journey!

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  46. That's awesome! I say you might as well try a new experience, right? :-) When are you due?

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  47. I think having a home birth for your first baby is insane - I know more than one first-time mom who totally underestimated the agony level and wanted to go to the hospital and get some drugs, but by then it was too late.

    For your fifth baby - you know your body, your pregnancy and what you can handle, and I can totally see the appeal. Especially if you already have kids, I can understand wanting to just do the whole thing at home.

    I'm way too chickenshit for the pain and since I had a c-section for my breech baby, it'll be a c-section for the next one too...no interest in risking a VBAC here.

    Good luck with your prep and hope it all goes well for you!

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  48. Congrats on the decision and good luck!! I'd love to have a homebirth, but I after working in l & d, I'm just too scared! Yes, for the most part, birth is normal, but I can't get over the part that when it's bad, it's bad. I admire your strength, and I agree with you 100% on the intervention front! Don't even get me started on inductions--eek!

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  49. My husband and I watched that movie and while we are not having children, we both came away with very strong opinions about hospital births! I know documentaries skew to one side of a story, but I swear, every one of my friends these days has had to have emergency c-sections with their first child. It seems unreasonable. But like I said, I have never had a baby so I generally keep my opinions to myself since I haven't been through it and can't relate :)

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  50. I'm so jealous. Fast delivery, no complications must be nice. I use a midwife that delivers at the hospital. It's a "crunchy" hospital. I tried for a water birth, but I was running a fever. So it was a no go. You could try a home water birth. Everyone I know that has had one says you'll never go back.

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  51. Add me to the jealous list here! Really hoping for another smooth hospital birth this time around and a homebirth next time. The timing, financially, just didn't work this time (super sad!), but I'm always excited for those friends who are able to be home to deliver and recover.

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  52. My third was a planned homebirth. Best. Decision. Ever. We had a million back up plans, but didn't need any. It was fantastic. So yay for you!

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  53. Way to go and Blessings, Dwij!
    My 3rd was born at home and delivered by dad! We too had a water birth, but the whole thing was not truly planned, so ... go for the planning, it is alot less embarassing! ;)
    Cheers!
    Megan

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  54. Hah! That is too funny, Megan. I will certainly go the planned route :)

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  55. We know you'll do great! We haven't regretted any of our 8 at home but hated the first in the hospital.

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  56. Thanks, Ian! Paula is quite the inspiration :)

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  57. I'm late chiming in here (as usual), but hooray for a homebirth. I loved the Business of Being Born and would also love to birth at home, but my husband just isn't comfortable with it. Fortunately, he is a great natural birth advocate and I have a rockin' midwife so I've had nearly perfect birth experiences except for the hospital part. I support you one hundred percent and will be praying for a
    happy home delivery. Blessings!

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  58. Well, I just started following you so I'm REALLY late on this but at this point in mothering and with what I know, I could never choose the hospital. And that's all I say on the topic without getting on my soapbox. You will love being at home. Prayers for a happy, healthy, holy birth for you and babe!!

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  59. Your reasons for a homebirth are mine exactly -- you said it way better than I ever could. It had nothing to do with labor and delivery, and everything to do with, 'Why am I in a place for sick people to do something healthy and normal? I had my third baby at home and it was amazing. Congratulations!

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    Replies
    1. Rachaeil, I seriously can't wait until June! I'm getting very, very, excited :)

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  60. Babies born at home....best experiences I've ever had. Fantastic decision.

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