Today is the celebration of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, our Holy Mother, and I do not feel at all like a holy mother. I feel like a frustrated, angry, out of sorts, behind in all my responsibilities, will never sleep through the night again mother and not because of the newborn, which I can manage with way more grace because they're SUPPOSED to be up all night. Which she isn't (the newborn, that is). Oh nonononononononono...SHE is asleep for many, many hours straight during the night. It's that other one. Lucifer's bride. She is making me want to insist she "sleep" in a tent out in the woods. "Sleep" because HAH! She doesn't actually sleep! NO SIRREEEEE BOB!
You can tell by the non-traditional capitalization and punctuation of this post that my brain is completely fried. Fried, I tell you. Because ignoring her doesn't actually increase the amount of sleep I get- she is HOLLERING after all. So whether we come at her beck and call or ignore the rants, we still get the same amount of sleep: 8 minutes.
You know what's probably making this so insanely maddening? She can talk. And discuss. And respond. And understand. She agrees that she'll stay in her bed. That she'll be quiet. That it's making every freaking person in the house sad to have to listen to her insanity. And then she gets up anyway. Makes herself cry anyway. Removes her pajamas anyway. She is just being absolutely defiant. Or is really insane. Or something. Something. Something terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad.
Did Jesus ever make Mary feel this way? I'm thinking 'no'. Because, of course, He didn't make a pact with and/or become betrothed to the devil.
Seriously, I just wanna sleep. If she would just stay semi-quiet all night long I wouldn't mind that she's awake. Why doesn't she just troll around the house looking for toys and books and eating contraband snacks that she accesses using other books and toys and contraband items as emergency step-stools? Is that too much to ask? "Dear fully functional talking toddler, this is how you turn on the television. Please do it and do NOT request my presence until the sun peaks over the horizon over there or something catches on fire, whichever comes first."
I mean really? Is that too much to ask?