Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Not a Holy Mother

Do you think Jesus ever got up at 3 a.m., removed his pajama bottoms, threw them out into the hallway, and then hollered for Mary to come and "get him cozy"?  And "I need my jammies back on!"?  And "I found something.  Come and get it."  If He did, do you think it was after refusing sleep and proclaiming all sorts of other things until almost 11 p.m.?  And then waking up and causing a raucous every frappin' two hours?

Today is the celebration of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, our Holy Mother, and I do not feel at all like a holy mother.  I feel like a frustrated, angry, out of sorts, behind in all my responsibilities, will never sleep through the night again mother and not because of the newborn, which I can manage with way more grace because they're SUPPOSED to be up all night.  Which she isn't (the newborn, that is).  Oh nonononononononono...SHE is asleep for many, many hours straight during the night.  It's that other one.  Lucifer's bride.  She is making me want to insist she "sleep" in a tent out in the woods.  "Sleep" because HAH!  She doesn't actually sleep!  NO SIRREEEEE BOB!

You can tell by the non-traditional capitalization and punctuation of this post that my brain is completely fried.  Fried, I tell you.  Because ignoring her doesn't actually increase the amount of sleep I get- she is HOLLERING after all.  So whether we come at her beck and call or ignore the rants, we still get the same amount of sleep: 8 minutes.

You know what's probably making this so insanely maddening?  She can talk.  And discuss.  And respond.  And understand.  She agrees that she'll stay in her bed.  That she'll be quiet.  That it's making every freaking person in the house sad to have to listen to her insanity.  And then she gets up anyway.  Makes herself cry anyway. Removes her pajamas anyway.  She is just being absolutely defiant.  Or is really insane.  Or something.  Something.  Something terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad.

Did Jesus ever make Mary feel this way?  I'm thinking 'no'.  Because, of course, He didn't make a pact with and/or become betrothed to the devil.

Seriously, I just wanna sleep.  If she would just stay semi-quiet all night long I wouldn't mind that she's awake.  Why doesn't she just troll around the house looking for toys and books and eating contraband snacks that she accesses using other books and toys and contraband items as emergency step-stools?  Is that too much to ask?  "Dear fully functional talking toddler, this is how you turn on the television.  Please do it and do NOT request my presence until the sun peaks over the horizon over there or something catches on fire, whichever comes first."

I mean really?  Is that too much to ask?


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40 comments :

  1. Oh you poor tired thing!

    You know, Ceci is probably exhausted too. Is she open to bribery or something? Stay in bed and get extra TV time? Is she lonely? Scared? Bored? Does she want someone to crawl into bed with her? Is she acting out because of the baby?

    Sigh, wish I could help!

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  2. "Because, of course, He didn't make a pact with and/or become betrothed to the devil."

    Love it. Love it all. Except the part about not getting any sleep. That part sucks and I hope she figures it all out soon. Can you give her an acceptable thing to do when she wakes up, like you said - go turn on the tv or look at these books or play with these toys and here's a snack laid out for you while you do this? Would she do that? Because I'd be giving up on making her sleep, too, at this point.

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  3. We must be mother twins, because THIS IS MY TODDLER too. Although, I also have the added bonus of the newborn hating to sleep anywhere but my chest. My bad for being so darn cozy with all these rolls!

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  4. This is a trick question, right? 'Cause we all know that Jesus didn't wear pants.

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  5. Our three-year-old was a booger last night. Her daddy took her out of the tub, but she wasn't quite ready to get out, so she stood there naked and shivering, screaming "NO! NO! NO!" with her hands on her hips. Trying to get clothes on her was, frankly, hilarious. And then she yelled at the top of her lungs that it WASN'T FUNNY!!! She eventually went to sleep, and luckily it doesn't happen that often. Maybe once a week. I do remember that we went through a harder time with her a few months ago, and I couldn't figure out what the deal was until my mom pointed out she was cutting some molars. Somehow I hadn't thought of that. Whatever it is, I hope it gets better for you soon!

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  6. Haha cari!!! The only thought going through my head is "blerggjidnucs". Which means I have absolutely nothing to offer aside from my membership in the up all night club...

    Benadryl and whiskey for dessert

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  7. I feel your pain....except mine is an eleven year old who thinks night time is for being awake and the next day on top of dealing with a sulky 11 year old, I have a sleepy, cranky, sulky 11 year old and to repeat it day after day.....I just felt guilty for chewing her out (for having an attitude and for having said attitude when asked to take out the car seat out of my mom's car~she had the attitude all right~so much so that she DID NOT take out the car seat and as we speak said mother is schleping it to us so we can make it to mass...geesh...on top of that said mother (MINE!) gave me a lecture on "how it isnt normal for my daughter and I to be together all the time" {we homeschool also..} being it being the Assumption and all...Goodness it isnt even 10 oclock and I am ready to go hide under my bed....and I think I broke a record for longest run on sentence with parentheses and those other fancy quotation marks....sigh

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    1. This is EXACTLY the time when a mother and daughter should be together all the time, even if it's bittersweet. Good for you!

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  8. I am so sorry :-( Maybe she is indeed cutting molars, or simply having some jealousy issues over no longer being "the baby" of the family. Praying that she will sever her ties and give back the engagement ring to Lucifer, and go back to being the happy little Ceci she was. Also praying that all the family, YOU ESPECIALLY, get some sleep, sweet lady.
    <3 always

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    Replies
    1. She really is such a sweet, funny girl under normal circumstances. This side of her is so sad and exhausting...

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  9. I'm just glad...and I use "glad" very loosely, that this is happening to someone else besides us. Everyone tells you how newborns keep you up, but no one ever mentions how toddlers suddenly decide that they don't need to sleep anymore and will now keep the whole house up at three am with their screaming. Can we start a support group or some sort of awareness campaign?

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  10. Hylands Calms Forte 4 Kids. Buy it. Use it. Love it.

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    Replies
    1. I second, third and fourth this comment! It was the only thing that helped one of our night owls. Well, and we made her older sister sleep with her. (Actually, they both liked that part.)

      Sharon

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    2. Okay, they sell it on Target.com and it has such great reviews for such a low price...definitely worth a try. Thank you!

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  11. I agree with Paige's support group idea... I saw this post on her Twitter feed and am "glad" it's not just me as well. I have a newborn and a 2 year old and grrrrrr is all I can say about that this morning.

    I also wanted to say that I think this is why there's that vague 30 years in the bible from when Jesus was born until he started pimping miracles. There was a bit of bible coverage just before the teenage years, but from my recollection of my Catholic school days, there was not so much covering toddlerhood or the dreaded teens....

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  12. You are far more tolerant than I. After the first night, I'd have put the toddler in the tent in the woods!

    Re: the jammies - duct tape.

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    Replies
    1. Yes! I haven't had to that myself (or, rather, to my child-I don't need duct tape for my jammies) but a good friend had a little guy who wouldn't stay in his pjs or his diaper. Duct tape did the trick.

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  13. Yeah, so I have one child, so I totally don't feel like I can offer advice, but have you tried snuggling into bed with her, or one of the other kids? I have a 15-month old and have had GREAT sleep only because she sleeps with us and so we're all totally cozy in our family bed. :)

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    Replies
    1. Well, with the infant already in our bed, I wouldn't feel safe adding the 2 year old. Our mattress is already not the recommended type for co-sleeping, unfortnately. An just a queen size to boot... :/

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  14. Do children have sleep disorders?

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    1. Unfortunately, yes.
      (writes a random mom of a 21 month old toddler on the wrong side of 6am, who's toddler is having a sleep study done in a week)
      And it's not fair to them or us!
      ;-)

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  15. I feel for you, I really do. Seriously, the whole sleep thing is the single issue that gives me pause when we consider whether or not we are ready for a next one. And my babies all sleep great, too. Newborns are perfect beings in my home, it's the dang baby/toddler/pre-k group that causes us problems. Or I should say ME, since I am the only one unable to sleep through it. And now we are in a house with stairs, and they yell at me from upstairs, and my bedroom is downstairs, and by the third time when my legs are shaking and my heart is pounding and my head is spinning from the trip upstairs after being woken from barely asleep again....yea, I would choose the tent in the woods, too. Probably for myself, tho, have you gone out in the woods at night? It is SO quiet!! Also, one of my older children sleepwalks on occasion, and lately she goes in the bathroom late at night, turns the light on, opens all the drawers, puts the brushes on the counter, leaves the light on and drawers all open, and goes back to bed. It's weird AND creepy.

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    1. The sleepwalking IS so creepy. When they're hovering over your bed in the middle of the night? Gives me the dang willies!

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  16. Why do kids feel the need to announce to you, at 2am, that thye need to go to the potty, when they are capable of doign the whole thing by themselves. They walk over, tap you awake, whisper "Mommy, I have to go potty really bad" and then wait for you to give them permission. Why. Why do they do this?

    Also, I yelled at Lina yesterday. I told her that she has to stop treating me like a dog and that I am worthy of her respect. She, as usual, heard "wah, wahwawawa, wah, waa, wah" and responded with, "blah, blah, blah, blah" while covering her ears, and I continued to lose it. In front of everyone (including my MIL who lives downstairs a the moment and already thinks I am crazy). And she sleeps through the night. So, you know, maybe losing sleep would be better... I dont know.

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  17. OK, you can just totally ignore this idea if you hate it, but have you tried Melatonin with her? My nephew (who is Autistic) has major sleep issues, but we call the Melatonin his magic potion because IT WORKS! It really is like magic- he falls asleep quickly and sleeps most of the night now- and heaven forbid someone forgets to give him his potion... no one sleeps that night!

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  18. Melatonin. It is gentle, natural and it works. Try it! And for Ceci - a shot of bourbon in a cup of hot milk. (Or is it supposed to be the other way around?)

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  19. At least you can talk to her. My son goes all Exorcist on it -- screaming, flailing, thrashing, head-spinning. Okay, maybe not head-spinning. And if you try to comfort him in any way, he fights you. Anything you say will make him howl more. But if you lay him in his bed and walk away, he goes into further hysterics. Recently my husband and I were both up for FOUR HOURS one night trying to get him back to sleep. My only break was to nurse the baby!

    I made the mistake of telling facebook and they all said "let him cry it out." Ha. Like we haven't tried not going in there. But the crying just gets louder and louder and the hysterics keep getting worse until we hear him bumping out of bed and flinging himself against the (safety-locked) door. Awful.

    To sum up, I feel your pain. What's worst is, it appears poor sleep in my family is genetic. 8 out of 9 in my immediate family have one sleep problem or another. The only exception? Me.

    Hoping for better sleep for all of us tonight.

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    1. Really? when I mentioned on fb I was attempting "self soothing" (had not yet heard the term "cry-it-out" you'd have thought I was the bride of Satan. Good heavens, I was attacked! Not coo-el. Couldn't do it with mine, anyway, for a number of reasons. Now, God has "blessed" me with the discovery that I am again pregnant, and my child is only 13 months old! I have a neuro issue... this is gonna kill me. ARGH

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  20. It is summer. She doesn't need pajamas. Just put her to bed without them.

    This is an idea I have read from one child behaviorist, it might seem kind of crazy but.... Cut her bedroom door in half, so you can see and hear her, take to knob off her side (and since she's a climber remove all climbing implements). Put her in bed and shut the door. Don't reason with her, don't bribe her just tell her she is going to bed. Then leave her alone. She'll figure it out pretty quickly. Then let the other kids camp out as far away from her as you can.

    PS- love reading your blog

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  21. Oh, Dweej...how exhausting for you.
    This post made me laugh a lot, though. I hope she starts sleeping through the night VERY soon.
    xo

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  22. I assume you're speaking of duct taping the pajama top to the bottom making it impossible to remove, not taping it to the child. Duct taping a zipper would work too on those one piece jamas.

    I can't help but wonder if it is something in our world today that is making the difference, maybe just getting closer to the end, but perhaps all the radio waves in the air or the effects of watching TV or electricity from the computers.... Not to mention all the additives in our food. I'd want to try changing foods, computer/TV time or anything else you can think of that might make a difference. I also think the Calms Forte is a good suggestion. Our youngest son was really hyperactive and was even more so whenever he had red food coloring in something, like the punch after church - it would affect him for 8-10 hours. I later discovered that dextromethorphan (sp?) the DM in many cold medicines was very helpful in enabling him to calm down and concentrate. I talked with our doctor about it and he said to go ahead, because it was a better choice than Ritilin, even though it wasn't shown in the medical literature for such use. He was aware that it often made children sleepy. It didn't make mine sleepy, just calmer and more focused.

    Any kind of glutamates which are often used as flavorings in snack foods (makes them addictive) and which are used under many different names as additives in prepared foods can cause an excitability in the brain - causes continuous firing of the neurons in the pleasure center.

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  23. Mine did the "I'm awake, so everyone else needs to be awake too" bit. So I told her she didn't have to go to sleep, but she had to stay in her room and not wake anyone else, unless it was an emergency. Emergency in my house is "fire, flood, or lots of blood". If she woke anyone else, that person was going to spank her. She woke her Nana twice, the first time, got a warning, second time, got a spanking. She woke me twice. One warning, then I spanked her butt and went back to bed, and she never did it again. I don't know if she sleeps through the night now. I do know that everyone else does!

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    1. "I don't know if she sleeps through the night now. I do know that everyone else does!" Hilarious!

      I too agree that a child old enough to know better may need a consequence for waking up other people--it's bad behavior, not an illness. Unless it is an illness, in which case you have to address that. Says the lifelong insomniac.

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  24. ACK. I know. I KNOW. Been there (but not with a newborn). So interminably infuriating.

    Hope you find a trick that works.

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  25. Have you read Strangers and Sojourners (http://www.amazon.com/Strangers-Sojourners-Children-Last-Days/dp/0898709237/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345398315&sr=8-1&keywords=strangers+and+sojourners) by Michael D O'brien? I highly recommend it. Your post reminded me of this line from the novel: "Perhaps there are places within us, places of true home, that do not yet exist and are carved from the stone of our hearts only by suffering."
    Peace be with you and the sleepless.

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    1. I've not read it, J. Looks really good though and tonight I was just saying that I wish I had an actual book to read while I nursed the baby. Maybe this is the one!

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  26. Oh, how I could've written this. ONly differently. Seriously. Let's be BFF's!
    I love these kids, but I don't love who I've become around them a lot of the time. :(
    **thus all the replies on twitter about gauntlets..

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