Then I saw that some sweet gals are starting a What I Wore Sunday link-up so we can inspire each other with our snazzy church-goin' duds. And I says to myself, I says "Hey! Self! You're totally chic and relaxed and fun but not too fun just fun enough to be not angry but still cool! You should do your first fashion-ish post and everyone will be SO IMPRESSED!"
No. Bad. Wrong. Badong.
I.
Am.
Incapable.
Dude. I tried to have other people take some head-to-toe photos (fail). Then I tried to use the timer to take photos (mega fail). And then I tried to find a full-length mirror so I could take a lame self-portraity portrait (super mega ultra fail...mostly because we have no full-length mirrors).
In every shot I look like the 'before' picture for an epic Jenny Craig campaign and/or Invisalign ad.
Yuck.
But I spent all that time doing this fool business, so I'm posting something, dagnabit.
Without further ado, lamest outfit photos ever...
Oh yeah. Workin' the "drape straight down from the boobage (can I say that without offending you guys?) so as to mask any appearance of a waist whatsoever".
(Burgundy twin-set, circa 2006, Banana Republic)
Oh, and since this whole taking-photos-of-myself thing didn't quite work out, I whipped up a Polyvore style board because of course you're just dying (DYING!) to see what I carried on my shoulder and around my wrist and in my earlobes.
(My male readers {if there are any of you left}, please forgive me)
You win in my department. I remember reading your posts from your old blog and then buying one of your cool necklaces. :) Fashion on!
ReplyDeleteDid you really????? Oh my gosh. That's awesome!
DeleteWait.....WHAT???? What is this "old blog" of which you speak? Please don't make me google it myself. Running a google search of you for pictures for the Michael Bolton mashup already resulted in finding that you did modeling work. WHAT OTHER SECRETS DO YOU HOLD?
DeleteOh my goodness...you were a model??? I demand proof.
DeleteOh my gosh. Y'all be trippin'! I once wore a vest and my back appeared in an ad for a teeny tiny horse store. And I didn't even get paid for it! Well...my regular hourly wage as an employee of said store, of course. But seriously.
DeleteI have never been an actual model as you can easily surmise by the awkwardness of my photos!
I thought your pics looked cool :)
ReplyDeleteDwija - my church has a full length mirror at the end of the children's Sunday School hall - it has a wonderful sign that says "Do others see Jesus in YOU?" - now I know that it is supposed to make me stop and think about my attitude, behavior, and so on - WELL, all I can think is "How did I get out of the house looking like that?" - at the house I thought I looked ok, nothing to write home about, but ok, but to see myself in a full length mirror - SWEET MOTHER! - oh well - you looked great and I love the hair cut - have a great week - Jen
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha! That is too funny. Totally get it.
DeleteIn your wrangling toddler pic you are totally posing near a trendy hanging basket of fresh produce. Which screams that you are organic and wholesome and super awesome all at once! LOL
ReplyDelete(And about the draping of the shirt off the boobage - I have been trying to disguise my midsection the same way. And I just bought SHAPING PANTIES that go up to my bra. I'm officially middle age.)
ArtsyNina - yeah well, I just about bought a gold pear (it was on clearance though) - as I'm looking at it, I'm thinking to myself, "Geez, Jen, you are gettin' old. You are looking at a gold pear and are seriously considering buying it." - I did put it back, but I don't know, I may have to go back for it - now that is old - Jen
DeleteI've had regular convos with a friend about Spanx - she's had four kids, I've had one. And neither of us are middle-aged. I think the shaping undies thing is totally post-partum fair game. :)
DeleteAt least you went to mass. I was home barfing. HAD I gone to mass, I would have probably worn fancy schmancy jeans and some sort of circus tent to cover my spare tire. You know, the one that fits an 18 wheeler....
ReplyDelete-heather
I don't think i've ever commented before, but I just can't resist saying... Yes! Taking outfit pics just feels so weird! Do I smile? Do I not smile? Do I turn my head at a funny angle so I'm mysterious? I always seem to end with a bit of a smirky smirk because I'm laughing on the inside about the fact that I'm about to post outfit pics on the internet!!!
ReplyDeleteYou sort of have that fashion-magazine-come-hither-stare thing going on. Pretty awesome!
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I, too, have new boots. love-love-love-love-love
Love those boots!!! And you used to model? Do tell.....!
ReplyDeleteEh I think you look lovely. The boot pictures are very good. :)
ReplyDeleteI have been dying to find a burgundy cardi. Must get me one. Loves it!
ReplyDeleteI tried to take ONE photo of me in a cute outfit for the blog and because our desktop with a camera is in the bedroom, I wound up standing on an unmade bed in my awesome outfit and having to contort myself, all sultry like, to even fit in the picture. Needless to say, that one won't be posted anytime soon. If I can rig up a better system, I'm totally joining the link-up.
ReplyDeleteYou're haircut looks great too BTW, but I'm wondering where the duck faced photo is? I bet I could totally rock the mantilla / duck face look next week if I tried.
Do it! It was supa fun (as evidenced by...um...all the smiling in my photos?)
DeleteGreat job with the photos! I had one photo my husband took while I was preparing to shove (cough...place) my son his car seat.
ReplyDelete1) Love the boots! I've been looking for some boots lately and I may just be purchasing those ones you linked to!...Double twinners!
ReplyDeleteYou looked super cute! Especially with the high tech collage and board thing I've only seen on pinterest. Fancy...
The pose in the first picture reminded me of the famous still shot of Sasquatch as he moved away from the camera. You don't look like Sasquatch, of course, just the pose looks like it. You are lovely, you understand. Just the pose kind of looked like...oh, never mind.
ReplyDeleteLove the outfit, especially the boots!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, you make me laugh so hard. Even while I'm at work. And the guys next to me are like "what the hell are you laughing at"
ReplyDeleteand then I have to pretend that I'm working and just laughing at myself to make me look like I'm working. Uhh. Fail.
But anyways, thanks for linking up with us! And I love the boots. A lot. And the skirt.
Great post. The polyvore board was an excellent idea.
ReplyDeleteI'm just glad I'm not the only person wearing 6-year-old sweaters and thrift store skirts to Mass.
ReplyDeleteI went to Kohls to try on those boots and they still won't fit my oddly shaped legs. Sigh, I will never find boots that fit!!! BUt you look super cute :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still here. You had me at boobage. ;) :)
ReplyDeleteShhhhhhh! It's my secret weapon!
DeleteNow from a countercultural perspective, here's a completely different approach: http://quakerjane.com/spirit.friends/plain_dress-.html
ReplyDeleteJust a thought...
Your outfit is super cute. The photos...erm...well. I haven't a clue how other people look "natural" and cute in their self-portraits. I'm more of a: Van Gogh - someone bit my ear off - you need to be hallucinating to appreciate this photo - type self-portrait. But I am not tripping balls and I appreciate the artsy-fartsy first photo!! So - WELL DONE!!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite posts, because it's so real! I look like a down-home farm-wife all week - no matching, no make-up look. But, Sundays are special b/c we all dress up, and the boys literally stare at me like I'm a foreign human being - clean, matching, curled and lip-sticked. The Polyvore outfit is A++++!! Love it!!
ReplyDeleteah. thanks for linking to not coolkidme.
ReplyDeleteyou crazy.
you better keep these up because you know I LOVE EM.
and I went to Kohls today and lusted after those very boots.
soul sisters you and me.