Friday, July 26, 2013

His Gifts to Me

Some moments are easy and some are hard. Some days are "good" and some are "bad." It's hard to know, impossible to know, what will happen to send me down that road.

Two days ago the FedEx truck pulled up at our house at 8 p.m.  "Sorry I'm so late...." he said.  "Oh, don't worry about it!" I said.  I always say.  And I took the box and took it inside and wondered what it could be because I wasn't expecting anything.  Scissors, box opened, packing peanuts.  Something fragile.  A packing slip.

Polish Madonna.

And before I even saw it, the tears welled up.  It's been so long since I've mentioned that painting, how much I love it.  How much Mary in her everyday-ness speaks to me.  The small, simple things she did for Jesus for so many years, things we probably don't think about often, but the same things we are doing every day for our own children.  And Jesus, he was a baby.  Not just an infant and then twelve and then thirty.  But a little boy who did little boy things.  With a mother who cared for Him.


My heart was filled simultaneously with so much gratitude and so much longing.  And then...well then I saw the order date on the packing slip. This print, so especially precious and meaningful to me now, was ordered when Nicholas was still here on Earth with us.  She hadn't ordered it after the fact.  The Holy Spirit had moved her to send this to me, she not even knowing why, not knowing what it would mean once it finally arrived.

Then, oh then came the wracking sobs, those ugly, coughing tears.  The curling up on the bed.  The husband trying to come to my rescue.  It's hard to know that all of this was already planned out for me.  I could have said no, but I said yes, and even though it's hard, hard, hard....so hard...all this love, these blessings, these not-coincidences, these opportunities to see His hand moving through all of our lives, lives of people who have never met "for real," all of it would be lost.  How do you feel wretchedly sad and terribly unworthy and unbelievably blessed and absolutely tiny all at the same moment?  I don't know.  I was there, I will probably be there again, yet I still don't know how a person can be all those things at the very same time.

I still don't know.  Maybe I'll never know.  Maybe that's another blessing.  We don't have to know how we survive and navigate and eventually thrive again.  Someone has to do it for us.  He does it for us.  If we let Him, He does it all for us.

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28 comments :

  1. I love how He works behind the scenes to bring a blessing that we didn't even know we would need! He is so real... and I'm glad He's real in your life, too. hugs!
    heather

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  2. Thank you for this post, girlfriend. Really spoke to me tonight.

    xo

    Lace

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  3. One of my favorite pictures of Mary...it just speaks to my heart. HE does do it for us...He carries us through it ALL my friend. Hugs and prayers from VA!!

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  4. I can't think of a single thing to say, but I want you to know I'm reading and praying.

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  5. I am so truly, truly sorry for your loss.
    Prayers are with you..... I wish there was more I could say or do for you...

    God bless.

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  6. So thankful for the Spirit to guide us. What a blessing. We have been praying for you and I am glad for the moments of joy between the sadness.

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  7. I'm speechless. You continue to be in my prayers. xoxo

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  8. Breathtaking...hugs in the form of prayers!

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  9. Dwija. You are so very loved. Praying for you constantly- an hour doesn't pass without me remembering you and my heart breaking just a little bit more. Peace, friend.

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  10. Your words are powerful, written beautifully, and so, so good for my heart. Continuing to pray for you and for your family....and sending hugs from Kansas.

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  11. You change lives by your vulnerability. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing that part of yourself. As selfish as it may seem for all of us, you bless all of us by giving us a bit of your heart. We are praying for you and your family. I love that painting too. Don't you imagine it's Mama Mary's way of saying that she is watching over you too? Through these hard (and soon ordinary...but hard) days. Wish I could do more. Know we are here!

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  12. I love that picture, and the kitchen Madonna which I once had as well. You are a blessing to all of us reading and praying for you.

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  13. Such a sweet image. What a thoughtful gift. The Holy Spirit worked through your friend.

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  14. Oh how my heart softens at the unending love that you share with every post. I know how confusing it must seem but simultaneously so sure.....when his love is all around us and even with our tears flowing down our face.....He is faithful. Somehow....all of these pieces that we share....remind me that it isn't just about our faith, how strong or weak....all of it, our joys and sorrows, the sharing is teaching me to always remember that GOD is faithful...always and forever. thank you for your vulnerablility and your willingness to share. I feel his love when I can see how much he loves us through our pain. Caring for others pain shows me that others love me through mine as well. Prayers and Hugs

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  15. That's a beautiful picture. What a wonderful thing to be sent. Bless you and all your family and your friends. I'm glad you have such good, kind people around you.

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  16. What a pretty, poignant picture. Thinking of you often Dweej. (((hugs)))

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  17. {{{{Dwija}}}} We don't get to know now. Sometimes I get the feeling that a lot of the painful stuff that happens to us now won't make sense until we're in heaven. Still praying for you.

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  18. Thank you for sharing. Praying.

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  19. Your family has been in my prayers, loved this post. The grief is unimaginable, but we somehow get through. Loved this picture, went and ordered one for myself immediately :)

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  20. That picture is so sweet! i am tearing up over here! I second Cynthia!

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  21. Beautiful. Moving. Tear jerking. Reality, so perfect put and so vulnerably stated. As always, thank you Dwija. Know that I'm still sending prayers and hugs from my home to yours.

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  22. I've always heard this called the Wash Day Madonna. Absolutely love it and will someday have it in my laundry room. What a wonderful meditation piece when we're working through the laundry and day to day tasks of motherhood.

    Still praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

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  23. Oh this was so beautiful and honest. Made tears well up in my eyes! A beautiful, beautiful picture. God bless you. <3 hugs!

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  24. That last paragraph... so very, very true.

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  25. He is so, so kind to us, and so personal in His love . . . and bless the sender for listening to the Holy Spirit, and being part of this extravagant sign of God's care for you!
    Nancy

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  26. Oh he's so sweet. Hope my hubby will give me a home decor as pretty as that.
    Penguin LHI One Way Links visit site

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