Tuesday, January 03, 2017

Tiny everyday, every day, miracles

Howdy! I'm glad you're here.  
This post probably contains run-on sentences, sentence fragments, 
affiliate links, and unnecessary ellipses.  If none of that bothers you, let's be friends.

I'm going to take a break from the interview questions today because my brain is taaaaaaaahrd.  But I swore to myself and to y'all that I would post every day for 12 days, so I'm doin' it!  Imma just tell you about my day, bloggy style.

Today was Tommy's first day back at work since the 23rd. We've started back to school. And the gloom factor outdoors was set at level 11. So predictably, of course, yes you guessed it, our refrigerator was bare-bones empty.  Like, me randomly eating sautéed mushrooms dipped in jarred spaghetti sauce for lunch  empty. 

Plus I guess there's some kind of winter storm blowing in tonight and lasting all day tomorrow, so a Wednesday shopping trip would be an even more worserer idea.  I mean, first world problems alert and all that. But really. No me gusta el store-o del grocerios.

So I get JC down for his nap, bribe Mary with viewing of the glowing rectangle of happiness if she will stay home with her big sisters, and load Paul, Ceci, and Helen into the van. "Don't forget the shopping bags, don't forget the shopping bags, don't forget the shopping bags..."

I forgot the shopping bags.

Too late to turn back. Breathe. You can just buy a few more. Breathe. What's six cents a bag when you're saving $80 on the trip? ( Aldi, I love you.)

Driving, driving...gah! In the spirit of forgetting things, I've also forgotten the baby carrier. Thiiiiiiiiiiis is not going to be good. It's naptime, remember? My saving grace was going to be the Ergo in which sweet Helen would slumber peacefully while we shopped. Now she's gonna be cranky and awake and trapped in her car seat and the car seat is gonna be taking up mega space in my cart and where is the stuff even going to go and what about that she's gonna cry the whole time?

A distinct feeling of despair is settling in...

"Jesus, I'm gonna need your help. You want me to feed all these kids, but this trip feels really hard and maybe like it's not actually gonna happen at all. Just...make it all better. And give me eyes to see your hand at work!"

Now this is a really hard prayer for me to pray because what I'd rather do is dig deep into my frustration and irritation and create for myself a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy situation.  I can slather myself in my white martyrdomThen when my husband gets home in the evening, I can make him feel super guilty for....not being the one that has to go to the store?  Or something?  Look, it doesn't actually have to make sense in order for me to really wanna do it, know what I'm saying?

So I said my prayer.  And we got to the store and

-parking space close to the carts
-41 degree temps despite gloominess
-elder two children not bickering
-baby awake but not too angry
-store not crowded
-somehow items fitting in the slim space between the bottom of the carseat and the bottom of the cart (I had the seat sideways in the main basket so there would be no chance of a freak carseat-falls-from-grocery-cart accident.  No gracias.)
-lady stopping me in produce to tell me how beautiful my baby is
-speed shopping like I've never speed shopped before despite more than zero kids in tow
-only one person in front of me in line who was already finishing up her transaction when I pulled up
-Helen only squawking a tiny bit every 5 minutes or so
-no stink-eyes or weird commentary while we bagged our sixteen thousand seven hundred and forty items 

Maybe all of these things could have happened and I could have not noticed them in all their goodness and I could have instead clung to my Misery Certainty(tm).  Maybe.  But He answered my prayer.  He gave me eyes to see His hand at work.  All the tiny everyday, every day, miracles.         
Helen says "hi!"


Posting for the 12 days of Christmas...
12 in 2016 (a photo year in review)
Stuff That Makes My Life Better
Where did all these children come from?!?!
Homeschooling High School
I Dream of Houses
Dollah Dolla Billz
Wood Shed, Wood Box, Wood Stove: heating with wood in Michigan

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  1. Oh man... the dread of forgetting the carrier is SO REAL. Glad it worked out!

  2. I think this must be a thing many mothers do....Misery Certainty. I realized the other day that I probably can attribute most of my unhappiness to this one trait! When I stop it and just ask for Grace and admit my weakness, the situation is manageable, sometimes even very good. I have to admit that even though it is awful and ruins my day, Misery Certainty has an addictive appeal. Thanks for posting! -FarmAndAway

  3. This is such a beautiful, inspiring story! And so relatable, down to the temptation towards passive-aggressive weirdness with the husband about having to go shopping ;)

    I'm going to remember this prayer when I have to do my next shopping trip!

  4. One of my "goals" this year is to have better eyes to see God's hand at work. I love your prayer and I'm going to try to remember it when I'm feeling Misery Certainty!

  5. Doesn't this just make you want to listen to Sarah McLachlan? I use those giant Ikea Bags for our Aldi trips. And I immediately put them back in the car just to be sure I don't forget them, because I have been there too!!

  6. Dave is always telling me to not do the self fulfilling prophecy of doom thing. It's so easy to slip into! I love the prayer you prayed, and the point you made that even if all those things had gone right, had you not asked for the grace to see it, you still could have walked out miserable and overwrought about it all. So good Dwij. Its' been so fun to read you every day lately!

  7. HI HELEN!!! I'm so glad you are writing again...so many of my long time favorite blogs have gone silent (including mine, ahem) but I miiissseeedd you!

  8. Helen is so darned adorable! Look at that gorgeous smile!

    I need to ask for grace far more often than I do. The trap of feeling Righteously Wronged is so ridiculously and dangerously attractive. Jesus, smack me upside the head, wouldja?

  9. I love Aldi and I always forget the bags too.

  10. Thanks for being real and for a great reminder to look for ordinary grace every day, which can be extraordinarily hard to do in every day life!

  11. Oh, this was so beautiful. I loved it. And Hi Helen!!!

  12. Hi Dwija- I've been reading your blog for years, but have never commented. I just wanted to say I'm SO happy you're back! This was beautiful. Thank you!

  13. "Look, it doesn't actually have to make sense in order for me to really wanna do it, know what I'm saying?"
    I do and more power to you for still praying the prayer and seeing the answer given! Solidarity.

  14. The interview question posts are good. Really good. But this? Pure gold. I love your prayer and I intend to learn to use it. Seeing His hand at work is such a blessing! - nancyo

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