Friday, August 17, 2012

7 Quick Takes: It's Purple and It Smells

(1)
The night after the very horrible night was a lot better. Then last night was slightly better than the worst but not as good as the previous, mostly because I had to do that thing that only prisoners of war/captives of purgatory should have to endure.  Yes.  Change pee-pee bedsheets.

(2)
Oh, but thank sweetbabyjeezus that her mattress is no longer inside her crib, otherwise my muffled cursing and super loud sighing (I do my best to pretend I'm not actually trying to wake up the hubby while in fact trying my hardest to wake him up.  It's one of my wifely gifts.  Or talents.  Not sure which, but it's definitely awesome.) may have been not so muffled and more of a sobbing noise.

(3)
Okay, time-out while I read Ceci her naptime story and then put her into her room so she can not nap and maybe poop on the floor some more instead.

(4)
Did I neglect to mention this little tidbit of delight?  Yesterday we were all waltzing around gleefully to the silent tune of a super long toddler nap when I suddenly realized that I was a foolish fool and that instead of leaping about I should be listening at her door.  Which I did, whereupon I heard her humming, which led me to open the door.  The shrill screams of terror (from me) that ensued thereafter were enough to bring the husband running from the other room.

I'll spare you the gory details, but I'll leave you with this warning: eating two pounds of blueberries could, hypothetically, result in an equivalent amount of purple excrement, left in small piles all over a bedroom as a means of entertainment or something.  Hypothetically.

(5)
Which was why I was more than happy, quite thankful in fact, to go to a friend's house for dinner and chug sip with ladylike decorum several jugs diminutive vessels of wine.

(6)
Never try to parent in a vacuum, friends.  Whether your people are online, or in your living room, or both (yay!  I really am so super lucky!), you need them.  You NEED grown people who've been through it or who are going through it and they will make you feel normal and commiserate and not let you feel like you're all alone on a turd covered island of insanity floating endlessly on a sea of dirty, mismatched socks.

(7)
Also, our garden is the biz-omb.  People don't say that anymore, do they?





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20 comments :

  1. Ha! We're going through a toddler nap strike here that was paired with a similar Poo-mageddon yesterday (aka poo-splosion, aka poo-pacolypse). It was silent so we thought we had time to sit down and enjoy giving the baby his first taste of solids... then my husbands went upstairs and I hear, "Poo emergency!!!" My mom grabbed the baby while I went to help with damage control. Which took 30 minutes. While the toddler watched Elmo's Spotty Time (when we ask if he would like to try sitting on the potty, he says, "I try soon.").

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    1. PS My mother calls it (your #2) the Irish sigh. She should know. I learned it from her, the master.

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    2. At first I took "your #2" to mean "your poo" here...

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    3. Poo on the brain I guess... :)

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  2. Yes, your garden is the biz-omb, and I'm not confident anyone ever said it...and the gory details not needed, I had a similar experience with my toddler that I was/am potty training who hadnt pooped for 2 days....yes blueberries do the trick :). Love the blog dwija! By the way have you ever looked at some of the autocorrects for your name...entertaining, and thats my life.

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  3. oh man i do the loud sigh at night, too. usually accompanied by lots of eye-rolling and glaring in the husband's general direction.

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  4. Layer the sheets with waterproof pads. Then you just have to rip off the top layer! And duct tape her diaper, or pin her clothes together, maybe? And I share your middle of the night gift, although my hubby works nights now, and my huffing and swearing don't seem to affect the dog...not that she's helpful other than licking herself... Hang in there!!

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  5. when it's colder, safety pin those blanket sleepers at the top just under the zipper. I have a Ceci too, and she was my poop artist...the walls...the floors(including carpet). Clorox wipes were my BFF.

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  6. no. 6 is God's own truth.
    We need to get it tattooed on us somewhere.

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  7. love this, all of it - and thank you for bringing back my poop memories!!! DS is 4, DD is 1, and we def had an "incident" shall we say, though actually through no fault of my son's, when he was 2.5 and we were ABOUT TO GET IN THE CAR TO GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, oh yes, that very laid-back and casual time of year when a 3 hour road trip with a car full of presents and a preggo mom are no big thing...It was my first year in my job and being the insane person that I am I felt obligated to do something nice for my coworkers. So I decided on making my own holiday "barks" - they came out very nicely! One had toffee and cashews and the OTHER - the other - had apricots and craisins. Do you know what DRIED fruit does to the digestive process??? Said 2.5 yo was my "helper" and was asking for bites all over the place. I probably fed him 5 dried apricots. Well poor guy - just as DH got the final package packed in the car, little man looks up from the middle of the kitchen and says "poop" - I look up to see it, coming out of his pant leg, on his shoe. Not yet potty trained I wondered how this happened? He's wearing a pull up! Well...lets just say the fruit accelerated all things sufficiently so as to render the pull up useless. Commence with the bathing and the changing and the sighing...alas! But it was a wonderful Christmas anyway, I'm certain - I don't really remember the rest of it! :)

    I share this because of #6 - totally hit the nail on the head. God bless!

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  8. this is great! Thanks for the reminder of why I should put a little more space between the current and next one, as I am going through baby lust baaaaaad. And everything you just said was all-too recent and/or current. Also, super jealous of your garden!

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  9. Purple poop! I kinda wonder whether you took a picture before you fled screaming?

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  10. Ok, so I'm not the only one who sighs/curses just loud enough to wake my husband up "accidentally". Like perhaps this morning when I was forced to sit and watch the toddler sit on the potty for thirty minutes while my soulmate slept in. Yes, I'm so Christ-like it's scary.

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  12. Ahem. Let me correct some typos:

    Great post! Mostly because it made me sing my newest anthem, once again grateful that we are (almost entirely) out of the poop on the floor stage. Said anthem: "Potty rocking in the hooooouse tonight! Everybody's gonna have a good tiiiiime." We jump around when we sing this.

    I'm still changing pee sheets (or should I say I am AGAIN changing pee sheets...which started up right after I went back to work...coincidence? I think not.

    Thank you Dwija!

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  13. AUUUUGHHHH!!! I HAVE POOP ON THE FLOOR TO LOOK FORWARD TO??? No. NOOOO. I REFUSE the, um refuse. *HUGE SIGH CAPABLE OF WAKING NEIGHBOURS* Dear Lord, do you think it's funny I am now 6 weeks preggie with a 13 month old who is my first? Is this giving you a great kick? Oh, not yet, you say? Just wait until the PURPLE POOP days???
    deliver me!

    (sorry I always post under anonymous... that's just how I roll) Love ya, Lady!

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  14. Ugh!! The piles of poop sound very smelly and nasty. Hope the hubby helped you on that one. I'm sorry to have laughed out loud. I know my days are coming.
    And I understand the loud sighs. So. Totally. Understand. I think I do that daily. Unconsciously.

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  15. If you only sigh to wake up your husband, you are doing better than I. I actually just wake him up and have him deal with it. Of course, when he is travelling out of town it is all me. So, I think it is only fair.

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    1. Well my hubby never goes out of town...and has to leave for work at 6:20 a.m. And does the dishes. And cooks dinner. So my sighing might just be a little more evil than anyone has been imagining up to this point!

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