Tuesday, February 14, 2012

How a Pea Tried to Ruin our Night

The child is 23 months old.

"Wook!  It's a curtain rod!"

Not even 2 yet.

"Hey, get this drill off my chair."


The child is no slouch, I tell ya what.

So when, during an otherwise peaceful dinner, she says "I have a pea in my nose", you can bet that she does, in fact, have a pea up her tiny, ridiculous nostril.

And do you know what ELSE she had up her tiny, ridiculous nostril?  Her tiny, ridiculous finger.  Pushing the pea so far up that it could not be smashed by squeezing her nose.  Oh no.  No, no, no.  It was way up there behind the cartilage, where no amount of squishing could affect it.

That was one safe, happy little pea.

Get the bulb syringe!  Nothing.  Let's try some tweezers!  Still no.  Let's try some other tweezers!  Nada.

And for a child who knows what a curtain rod and a drill are, she knows precious little about bodily functions.  Because when we held down one nostril and told her to blow, she responded with "Waaaaaaah!  I wanna watch Phineas and Ferb!" (Hey, it's on Netflix and I have big kids and it's winter.  Gimme a break, will ya?).

That is not at all what "blow" means.

Now Tommy is consulting the great gods of Google....

Push in on the good nostril and blow into her mouth like a reverse resuscitation!  Nope.

Shove a handful of pepper in her face to make her sneeze!  Yay!  She sneezed!  No pea.  Because she is 1 and her sneezes are tiny and ridiculous just like her nostrils.

Now it's past her bedtime and the hubby has come dangerously close to saying very bad things, even making the "F" sound under his breath as he sat there with his little flashlight and a pair of tweezers being kicked in the groin by an angry 23 month old.

And there is still a pea in her freaking nose.

I abandon him to consult the all-knowing land of facebook, which, although it didn't actually help in solving our problem, did make me laugh.

Then his eyes lit up.  A bendy straw!

I sat her on my lap again, wrapping my arms around her arms and crossing my leg over hers.  "No!  I need Curious George!" (she's fickle, that one).

With great difficulty but only minor injury (to him), he gets the short end of the straw into her nostril.  The long end into his mouth.

Big breath from him.

Angry scream from her.

Stifled giggle from me.

The pea!  The pea!  There it is!

"Look at this, Ceci.  This is yucky.  Don't ever put anything in your nose again, do you understand?"

"I wanna watch Curious George."

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31 comments :

  1. I hope it's okay that I'm cracking up, 'cuz I am. :)

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  2. So glad you were saved from a trip to the ER!! Has she asked for peas for dinner today?

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  3. I am laughing as I read this because my son when he was three did the exact same thing. We wound up having to go to the emergency room and the doctor pulled it out with long tweezers, but only after he scratched the side of my son's nose and it started bleeding. I wish I had thought of the straw...I guess I'll make sure to have one handy in case my now 2 year old daughter decides to do the same! A very funny post!

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    1. Kids teach us all sorts of handy new things, don't they? I pray you'll never need the bendy straw trick though...

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  4. Gabriel stuck a dried corn kernel in his nose once. I had to pull over to the side of the road, desperately extract it before it went all the way up to his brain and grew there (thanks a lot, big siblings, for that one), while ginormously pregnant.

    Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, I got it out, in all its bloody, snotty glory, and flung it out the window.
    Now, every time we pass that spot, Gabriel looks out the window, trying to spot his "booger corn plant".

    These kids, I tell you. So glad to hear Cecelia's ok! Maybe y'all can have booger pea plant come spring.

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  5. I freaked out when my first born stuck a Kix cereal up his nose, and then I realized I could just tell him to blow and it came right out. I would've passed out about that pea. Whew! You guys stayed very calm and collected.

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  6. Oh, my, I am laughing. When my now-seven-year-old was about four? years old, he had this runny nose that was just going on and on forever. And the gunk was turning green and kind of bloody, and his breath smelled horrible. Convinced he had a sinus infection, my husband took him to the doctor. They came home to report that the doctor had pulled, out of our son's nose, a huge, bloody length of cotton wadding. Said cotton wadding had come out of a stuffed animal, apparently. My husband said it made the most hideous scraping sound while it was being pulled out. And it was bloody and gunky and disgusting.

    Upon questioning, my son said that he had put the stuffing up his nose because he 'wanted to be like a stuffed animal.' We had a long, serious talk about how God made him a small boy, not a stuffed animal and how you never, ever, EVER put anything up your nose.

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  7. glad she is ok.. the straw...brilliant.. but gross... and no judgment here on netflix its a gift from God IMO

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  8. My son when he was 2-ish shoved something up his nose when Dad was in charge. I get a phone call at work (I work in the hospital). "Charlie shoved a cheese puff up his nose, what should I do?" I had him bring the boy to the ER so the doctor could help. After many tries, we had to be referred to the ENT who had to sedate him to remove the "vegetable matter" which was jammed so far up there we had no idea what it even was anymore. Not sure it was a cheesey poof. :)

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  9. Excellent, Dwija! And now you have a the perfect little memory documented for her baby book/new boyfriend stories/wedding toasts... I still maintain that it's a good thing we don't live next door to one another. Our neighborhood would be chaos. Sheer chaos, I tell you!

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  10. You know, you just invented a solution to a problem that many young and less MacGuyveresque parents will one day have and you will save them many pains.

    You have done well.

    Oh, and you made us laugh!

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  11. Oh, what a hoot! But I'm sure it wasn't at the time. I know I would have been fa-rea-kin' out if my 19-month-old daughter had a pea stuck way up her nose. I'm NOT going to tell this story in front of her, because I don't want to give her any ideas! But seriously, thank God Tommy figured out that ingenious solution! :)

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  12. I was probably her age when I stuck an m&m up mine-- before they had "mini's". My sister used a button for that freak-out-your-parents game, and had to go to the er. As we now say aroubd here "nothing smaller than your elbow goes up your nose".

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  13. WAY TO GO!!!! Seriously, when our 3year old did this a while ago, it took a trip to urgent care and it cost us over $300... With insurance

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  14. Kids are too darned good at keeping life interesting. Glad it had a happy outcome. The Princess and the Pea indeed! My cousin has a history of sticking things in her ears.

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  15. I have no idea how I accomplished this, but when I was wee I remember sticking a MARBLE up my nose. My father told me "well, we have to go to the hospital to get it out" and I was desperate not to go so I blew my nose hard enough for it to come out. Unorthodox and slightly cruel, yes, but I got the marble out!

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  16. Oh I am sorry to be laughing... but I promise I'm laughing with you, not at you. :) My second son was notorious for putting things up his nose. It is a wonder that we never wound up in the doctor's office with something we couldn't retrieve. Little rocks were common, but the weirdest was this bright orange foam star sticker. How that gargantuan-by-comparison foam sticker fit up his tiny nostril I will never know, but I got lucky and managed to fish it out. I don't even remember what worked now that I think back, but thank goodness I was able to get it out.

    Sigh. Kids! :)

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  17. My brother ended up in the emergency room when he was four because he shoved a peach stem up his nose. What is it with kids and wanting to pack things up there. I'm glad your night ended successfully and without a trip to the doctor's office!

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  18. TicTacs and rocks here - same boy. Only child to EVER stick anything up his nose. You'd think he would have learned the first time, but NOPE. I had to get the rock out with tweezers, he had it pushed up so far, but the tictac just came out with a good blow. He had learned how to do that when we were working on the rock incident :). Glad the pea is out!

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  19. Bendy straw...genius! My friend Catey just dealt with her 4 year old putting one of those little suction cup thingies off one of those suction cup covered balls up his nose. She pulled it out with tweezers. But she posted pictures. Where are YOUR pictures? Where's the video? Bloggy GOLD, I'm tellin' ya! ;-)

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  20. I hope and pray I never have to use a genius invention such as a bendy straw for anything besides drinking. In the event that I do, I know I will have one on hand. Apparently most children are unable to drink from a straight straw, no really, physically impossible. Oh, you didn't know? Sorry. It must only be MY children.

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  21. Oh my. It's hard enough to get my toddler to ingest medicine, never mind having to hold him down in various positions and putting something up his nostril!!

    So glad y'all sorted it out!

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  22. You know how to tell a funny story, girl!
    This brings back memories of the summer I "taught" the three year old room at a daycare... it felt like every single nap time I would hear, "Teacher? There's a rock in my nose."

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  23. So. True Story. I did this when I was in pre-school at lunch one day. I didn't like peas and can remember searching for somewhere to put them. A boy across the table had his finger in his nose and I thought, oooo good idea. No. No. It was not a good idea!

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  24. Oh that sounds stressful and horrible and SO funny. Well done you two!

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  25. Paint this picture a little more for me because I still can't figure out how he got the pea out. Did he suck in, or did he blow into the other nostril?

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    1. He sucked in on the pea itself and it stuck to the straw so he could extract it. It was pretty glorious/disgusting!

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  26. I wondered how you resolved that! Too funny.

    My husband once put a raisin up his nose and they eventually had to go to the hospital to get it out. We did laugh at him, just a little bit, when my son put a tiny green bead up his nose (but only after we had successfully retrieved it, that is).

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  27. So glad the pea was all he sucked out of her nose. UGH!! LOL!

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  28. Oh man. I totally should not have read this (and all the comments) during breakfast! Urgl.

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