Saturday, March 24, 2012

Third Trimester. Can I get a....

(What, what!)

Why, hello 3rd trimester!  It sure is nice of you to finally stop by and pay a visit.  I mean, you know I've been pregnant for, like, 19 months already, right?  So inconsiderate.

Anyway, here's the deal.  I am super short waisted.  We're talkin' 2" from my hip bone to my bottom rib.  Also, I've gained approximately a whole pound per week since the beginning of my pregnancy.  So of course, I have a torpedo belly.  And not a torpedo booty.  For the booty, let's go with marshmallow.

Do you have a mental image going yet?  Good.  Now add in some raccoon eyes because of course I'm saving my under eye concealer for "something important" (For what, you ask?  Now that is a good question...).  So that's a 27 lb. torpedo belly + marshmallow booty + bags as black as night.  I know.  Watch out Heidi Klum, there's a new hottest pregnant lady in town!

People- on a daily basis folks insist that this baby is going to be born any day.  Or that I'm carrying twins.  Or both.  Yes- both that I am carrying twins and that I'm approximately six hours shy of delivery.

Never, ever ask a woman if she's having twins.

Never, ever say "looks like baby will be here any day!"

And do not evereverever, not even once, use the word "pop" in her general direction.  If you live in the midwest, don't even ask her if she wants to drink some "pop".  Use "soda" instead.  Trust me on this one.

Okay, are you ready for photographic evidence that will help me to exercise my humility while exorcising my vanity?

Dang, woman.  Is it so hard to put some frappin' make-up on every now and then?  And fire up the time machine to get some braces 15 years ago?

And because I don't want to leave you with that horrific image seared into your brain, here's something WAY cuter to take it's place:

Best $1 spent ever.

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65 comments :

  1. The lead up made me laugh and wake up Sebastian. Darn you!

    But you really do look gorgeous! Makes me miss Sebastian on the inside - an impossible feat!

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  2. From a completely unbiased source, Dweej you look GORGEOUS!

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  3. Oh man, you guys are sweet. I know it's just 'cause you're skeered of me and my crazy pregnant lady hormones!

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  5. Will you believe if I say you look beautiful too?? And really young! I mean it! That's so funny, though, because my sister totally gets the torpedo belly and that's how we refer to it! People were pretty good with comments this past time around. I think they were scared of me, too. But I sort of think they're scared of me all the time. Oh, and I totally feel you on the braces thing. Two of my sisters got them but not the rest of us (who also needed them). So now they have perfect teeth for the rest of their lives...and I definitely do not.

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    Replies
    1. Is it wrong that I kinda like being "the scary one"?

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  6. Okay here we go again: Are you SUUUUUURE it's not twins? Really? Sometimes they fool the sonograms, you know. Hahahahahaha! - he laughed as he ran away fast. ;-)

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  7. Thx for making me laugh again, D!

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  8. Oh shush! You look fantastic. Torpedo belly and all. ;)

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  9. I always get huge, and I always get the "about to pop" comments and the twin comments and the "any day now" comments, starting at about 6 months. And I typically have 9-10 lb babies too. You DO look fabulous though.

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    Replies
    1. Every time I pray for a 10 lb. baby just to "help explain things" and every time they weigh 7.5 lbs. Every time! No, it's just me. And one teeny, tiny little baby :)

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  10. I see your marshmallow butt and raise you four chins.

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    1. LOL - I see your four chins and raise you one "kangaroo pouch", with a muffin top and a tush that could double as a coffee table.hehe

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  11. You always manage to bring the teary laughter. Gracias chica! They shouldn't say pop anyhow-it's soda! (I lived in Ohio tooo long). ;)

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  12. You always manage to bring the teary laughter. Gracias chica! They shouldn't say pop anyhow-it's soda! (I lived in Ohio tooo long). ;)

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  13. I have to insist that torpedo belly is far preferable to the saggy sway of a long waisted momma like me. People constantly told me I had dropped-but what was never up, cannot drop (although, with the last four, they did feel like they were falling out WELL before they actually did).

    And by the way, auto correct does not recognize "waisted" as a word. . . only wasted.Oh, the trying times we live in....BAHAHAHA!

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  14. and for the record, you are way too hard on yourself and look gorgeous and exotic and I am jealous.

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  15. But Dweej, it's not soda . . . it's pop. Cross my heart!

    You truly, honestly, look great!

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  16. Well ... I think you look wonderful! Don't beat yourself up so!!! God made you and your baby wonderfully - it says so in the Bible and I believe it!!! Only insensitive people say things like that - go forth and be content!! Love your family! God loves all of you!

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  17. I think you look great! Give yourself a break- you are growing a person! At least, that's what I always told myself when people thought they would be witty and call me fat. And amen on the pop!

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  18. Dude, that baby belly is frickin' ridiculous. As in, cute ridiculous. I feel your pain - I'm short and I carry straight OUT. Especially the last time I was pg - people were asking me if I was "due any day now" from the time I was about 6 months along. Sigh.

    Honestly, pregnant women, even tired ones with torpedo bellies, are the epitome of beauty. That's creation right there, sister. God saw fit to let us participate in His work and we have the amazing gift of doing it.

    I know, all very philosophical and doesn't matter nearly as much when you can't get up off the couch by yourself or find a shirt that covers you all the way ;). Ha!

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  19. You can just stop now, because I am only 3.5 weeks out from baby-having and still look more pregnant than you do. Dang, the 4th trimester may suck the worst of all! Seriously, look mega-cute and I have given up lying for Lent so you know that's true!

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  20. You DO look great, Dwija! Who wants to have the same old perfectly straight generic-looking teeth anyway? (That's the little pep-talk I give to myself when I look in the mirror at my own crooked smile.) But I sympathize with you on the pregnancy-induced feelings of frumpiness...I am barely into my second trimester and I'm already rocking my maternity compression stockings, and let me tell you, NOTHING makes you feel sexier than opaque flesh-colored tights that come up to your bra. Especially when it's 85 degrees out. It will all be worth it when we your sweet baby is in your arms!

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    1. "Opaque flesh-colored tights that come up to your bra." Oh that made me laugh, Allie!

      Yeah, I have this 2 foot wide belly support band that I have to put on every evening or it feels like she's going to fall right out and I can't get a single thing accomplished. At least I'm not comatose on the sofa anymore, though. Definitely thankful for that!

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  21. What ARE you talking about, lady? You look so incredibly amazing! I love your sweet little belly. I'm not pregnant and I wish I looked so great. Seriously, you are exactly the perfect vessel for God-given life, so I see the vessel as nothing less than wonderful, beautiful, and amazing!

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  22. You look AWESOME!! Not nearly distressed enough to be having that babe yet ;-)

    I remember being right about that same stage and having some svelte 22-year old yogini at the yoga place as those questions...twins? having the baby tomorrow? I looked at her and said...clearly you've never been pregnant.

    I'm so excited for you and your family :)

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    Replies
    1. "Clearly you've never been pregnant" = EXACTLY!

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  23. Hi Dwija,

    Introducing myself today. I'm determined to be more social and less stalker about my blogfollowing. (The husband and I are both UD grads by-the-W)

    When I opened the post I totally scrolled down to examine the picture before I read any words (shame on me I know, but pregnant pictures are WAY too enticing)

    The word "pop" didn't occur to me. Honest first thought was: "Totally cool shirt. I need a shirt like that next time I've got a baby on the inside."

    So there you go, trendsetting and babymaking. All in a day's work.

    Congrats on Trimester Tres!!

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  24. I'm right there with ya! Little Boy #2 is due May 9th and I'm only 5 feet tall and put on 27 pounds too. He's sitting straight out and really, really low. The best (or worst!) reaction I have had was from a friend who saw me walking toward her. Before I got to close she said "Honey you look great!" Then I turned and I could see it in her eyes. Horror. Thanks for being a brave Mommy and posting your beautiful pregnancy.

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  25. Hot mama! No wonder you got hit on at Walmart ... I would have done the same if I were that checker boy.

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    1. Hahahaha! Oh man. I have NEVER gone back to that Wal-mart since that day. No ma'am. I'll drive the extra distance to Meijer, thankyouvermuch!

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  26. love both pictures!!! you both look great. and I know no woman has been pregnant forever...because I already did a fact check.

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  27. You're crazy, you look fantastic!!!

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    1. Just you wait! In another 15 weeks you're gonna be all "I'm a torpedoed marshmallow person!" and I'm gonna be all "You're crazy! You look fantastic!" :P

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  28. You look fantastic, in horizontal stripes no less. A true feat for an non preggers person and you make it look easy!

    And I agree, best $1 investment ever.

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  29. Oh, I think you look gorgeous!! And I had a tummy to rival yours, oh believe me. I could barely stand up by the 3rd trimester. actually...I was on bed rest. that's big. LOL

    And what's up with all the preggie ingnoramuses (ingnorami??) anway? one friend used to love the word "huge". s'sly - so much so that my mother actually called her and told her to lay off. we aren't friends anymore. surprised?

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  30. I think you look adorable! I also think if you weren't tired from being pregnant, while simultaneously home schooling a full house of amazing children, well then something would be very wrong with you, and I'd be afraid of you. Very, very afraid of you :)

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  31. Awe, I think you look adorable! I am short waisted too and my belly popped out like a mountain that grew sideways! By my sixth month, I looked like I was ready to deliver. And I got all those same words thrown at me. :P

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  32. But your hair looks great! Are you still going through the Chaz?! ;)

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    1. The Chaz was dropped many moons ago due to the overpriced nature of his products AND his strange, gorilla-esque appearance.

      But yes, I did actually blow dry it today, so give me my 25 extra points!

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  33. Attention All Readers: Soda is what you mix with Scotch and a twist of lemon for cocktail. Pop is... well, pop! Please get that straight. Thank you.

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  34. Dweej, I'll be another echo in the chamber. Nothing to worry about!

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    1. It's all camera tricks! Meaning my hubby is way taller than me, making my legs look...well, normal. Note to self: always have hubby take belly pics.

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    2. All I'm saying, I've got some horror shots. *brrr*

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  35. You look great and/or your husband truly is a gifted photographer.

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  36. Butt, what butt?

    And I agree with Alison's comment, the one right above mine.

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    Replies
    1. It's so marshmallowy, it can't even stick out any more. It just sags down to the back of my knees....

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  37. You look beautiful, Dweej! When I was 6 months along with my son (who weighed 9 lbs. 4 oz.) I looked like a Volkswagen turned up on its fender and turned sideways! I am only 4'9" and have no waist, so I stuck waaaaay out in front. You, on the other hand, look gorgeous! The dark circles make you look exotic and mysterious, and your hair! Words fail, Dwija. Words fail.

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  38. I'm 5'8, and long waisted. I went my whole pregnancy just popping the button open on my jeans with a hair tie. Then, at 40 weeks, I had to buy maternity clothes. At week 44, I delivered my 9 pound bundle of joy. Due to extreme "morning", although it really lasted all day for the entire 10 months sickness, I only gained 12 pounds. I hated that no one could tell I was pregnant. I just looked fat. I would've given anything for an obvious baby bump. I remember, 2 weeks before delivery, some guy hit on me. I told him I wasn't dating right now, because I was 2 weeks past due, and having a baby any day. He didn't believe me, so I let him feel my belly. That
    shut him up!

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  39. as I began reading (before I saw photographic evidence) I was shouting... "AMEN SISTA now you know why I stopped posting pictures of myself!!!"... then I actually saw your picture and was like "pppffffff what is she talking about I would literally kill to look THAT GOOD at ANY point in my pregnancy or post pregnancy for that matter!

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  40. why does it seem that the minute you hit 30 raccoon's set up shop right under your eyes? I haven't done anything different day to day and yet there they are (yes, entire raccoon's)...

    you look great Dwija!

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  41. I'm 5' 8" and you'd think I would have plenty of room in me for a baby, I've got a big frame...but I married a man who is 6'2" and has the genes for Ginormous Babies. Our "smallest" was 10 pounds, 24 inches long. Even my third, who was induced a day after his due date, was 12 pounds, 3 ounces. So i get the "OMG are you having twins?" and "You look ready to pop!" starting at about the fifth month mark. When i was in labor with my third, I was walking around the maternity ward, and I shared the elevator with another laboring woman, who was with her mother. She looked at me and said, "How many are you having?" I said, "One." She said, "Dang, girl, I would've thought there was THREE in there!"

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  42. I think you look adorable, and clearly, that baby is not about to pop. I totally agree about the things never to say to a pregnant woman. Let me add one more: "It seems like you've been pregnant for two years!" Really?

    Hang in there! Third trimester is the beginning of the end!

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  43. You look terrific!!! Yay for the 3rd trimester!

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  44. You look fantastic. I'm way bigger than you (even though it's only my first baby) and I have a misshapen baby bump. I blame it on being only 5'4".

    At this point in my pregnancy, people who ask me if I'm having twins, use the word "pop" (why, WHY do they use that word??? do they think it conjures up a pleasant image of birth?) or call me "Preggo" instead of my actual name are risking getting themselves slapped.

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  45. You look fabulous - all cute and pregnant - but I think that pregnant ladies are the most beautiful..

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  46. You look amazing, Dweej!! I got the "are you having twins?" comment too...all.the.time.

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  47. Who wants to have the same old perfectly straight generic-looking teeth anyway? (That's the little pep-talk I give to myself when I look in the mirror at my own crooked smile.) But I sympathize with you on the pregnancy-induced feelings of frumpiness...I am barely into my second trimester and I'm already rocking my maternity compression stockings, and let me tell you, NOTHING makes you feel sexier than opaque flesh-colored tights that come up to your bra. Namenda

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  48. what a interesting article, however, I still do not believe the similarities between the two . Thanks for bringing this article,
    how can i get pregnant l Find me Lover

    ReplyDelete

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