Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Tale of Two Vacuums

Well, I've finally become that woman.  The woman I never thought I could become.  Oh, you know the woman I'm talking about.  The woman who says things like, and I am not even joking, "...which would make dusting the moulding SO much easier!"

Pray for me.

See, it all started about two and half years ago when our vacuum cleaner died.  Now, that one had been given to me, used, by a generous friend when I ran over the cord of a previous vacuum and my worry wart husband was all "blah blah blah, exposed wires, blah blah blah, electrocution blah blah blah, children setting themselves on fire..."  So I didn't know how old it was.  It was one of these:

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This is the Bissell Cleanview Helix Bagless Upright.

And do you know what we got when we went to replace it? Some other thing that might last longer?  No!  We didn't!
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Yep, we got the exact same thing.  Because we are smart.

I really hope the Bissell people weren't about to propose that they sponsor me or anything, because, you guys, this vacuum cleaner is so irritating.  There are three separate dirt holder thingies that have to be emptied and cleaned, one of which comes apart into three pieces.  Which means there are really SIX dirt catcher things to empty.  Oh wait!  Seven!  Because there's the allergen filter on the side, too.  With 5 kids, 2 dogs, and a dirt road, every time I vacuum, I have to empty and clean SEVEN items.  And the thing weighs at least 15 lbs. I would guess.  And the cord comes out of the right side instead of the left.  Why?  WHY???  Is this a vacuum cleaner for left-handed people or something???

Now, until this machine kicked the bucket yesterday after less than three years, all of those things were just minor annoyances to me.  Now when I think of them, I want to write reviews all over the interwebz telling people to not waste precious hours of their short lives cleaning SEVEN FILTRATION ITEMS every time they want to vacuum their floors.




So I polled the facebook (as usual) and started my search.  Automatically: no Bissell.  I know it's unreasonable, but it's like even the logo sends me into a minor panic now.  And then- oy!  There are so many vacuum cleaner choices out there!  Upright vs. canister.  Bare-bones types and vacuums with all sorts of attachments.  Bagless or bagged.  Beltless or belted (sounds stylish).  Good on carpet, good on hard floors, quiet, loud, lightweight, heavyweight.  Stop the madness.

Then I found the Hoover Platinum upright bagged vacuum cleaner with canister vacuum:

TWO vacuum cleaners for the price of one.  Which is important to me because: hello, child labor.

The upright gets stellar reviews all around, and because I'm buying specifically for carpet, that makes me happy.  The canister vacuum doesn't get as great reviews, but I think that's mostly because people are trying to use it on hard floors.  I would just be having people use it to a) do the sofas and b) the baseboards and mouldings.  CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW CLEAN MY HOUSE IS GOING TO BE???  These appliances are clearly the answer to all my housekeeping woes!  That's totally how it works, I know it.

I honestly can't wait.

We just ordered them today.

Are they here yet?
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  1. "Hello, child labor...." That made me laugh out loud!!! I'm totally all about that over here! Hope that vaccuum works out for you!

  2. Uprights? Shoulda got a Henry :p

  3. Ha, I actually was following the facebook convo with RAPT attention. I need a new vacuum. I like using an upright, but it sucks (or rather, doesn't suck enough) on the stairs ... so I am intrigued by the upright/canister twofer. I breathlessly await your review. Seriously. :)

  4. Can't wait to hear how they work out! I'm always looking for that magic item that will magically make my house clean ;)

  5. We just got a new vacuum and that first sweep with the new machine is always an eye opener. The amount of dirt you pick up is scary. Have a blast and enjoy those clean floors! It's sad how little it takes to make us excited, isn't it?

    xoxo Michelle

  6. Hoover! Got a Hoover at my house and LOVE it. I think we've had it for 5 maybe six years. It is pretty basic and pretty fab.

  7. Good luck! You can't beat a two fer!

  8. This vacuum looks amazing! We need a new vacuum over here too. Let us know how it works. The woman in the add looks like she is having a blast vacuuming, I want to have fun vacuuming too!

  9. We have this vac! In fact, we bought it twice. My child labor broke the handle off which includes the electronics. For something called platinum, it probably shouldn't have a handle made of just plastic. But... It is such a great vac we bought the same one again. And it was cheaper the second time 'round.

  10. FWIW now that you've already decided, we bought these 2 years ago and love them. LOVE! Granted vacuuming and I were in a super super low place before so my perception of how well they actually work is warped a bit.

    But gah! I hear you on the craziness of the reviews. So annoying and puts your brain in a fog. "This vacuum a good way!" Lame joke people, lame!

  11. I love that:

    1. There is a video for a Hoover vacuum.


    2. You posted a video to a Hoover vacuum.


    Ah yes, child labor. I am loving that my almost-8-year-old is able to vacuum, sweep, and do dishes now. It's awesome!


    (I can't wait for it to die.)

    Will be waiting with baited breath to hear of your new one ...

  13. "TWO vacuum cleaners for the price of one. Which is important to me because: hello, child labor." Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhah :D Loved this one. :D You're so friggin funny!!!

  14. If the Hoover Platinum you ordered turns out to be a disappointment, FYI, this vacuum is amazing.

    Have had it for a week now and I LOVE IT! I will never go back to the best-crappy-vacuum-I-can-find-for-under-$100 EVAH again! You can pop this thing on to a wheel bed & it turns into a canister. It's got every attachment you will ever need and the head that picks up pet hair (to put on the hose) is fabulous. It has it's own brush and belt making it a mini vacuum unto itself. It sucks animal hair off of chairs & the couch in 60 seconds or less.

    There is one (1, uno) canister to empty and no filter to change or peel hair off of.

  15. The woman I never thought I could become. Oh, you know the woman I'm talking about. The woman who says things like, and I am not even joking, "...which would make dusting the moulding SO much easier! Smart Vacuums

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